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It’s My Birthday, Biatch!

Feb 20

Yeah, it’s my birthday, if we were really close friends you would have already known that and sent me something cool like Diet Mt. Dew or a Sprinkles Cupcake.  But you didn’t, so I wrote this stupid blog post as a birthday present to myself.  That’s what happens when you turn 33, you give yourself a present, like an adult.  Actually, I’m 44.  I don’t get why people get all upset to talk about their age.  I look at it as I’m one year closer to moving in with my kids and making their life miserable, paybacks are bitch boys!

Actually, I’m fairly certain that with the massive amounts of Diet Dew I drink I’m headed on a path to Alzheimer’s, and I don’t say that to make fun, it’s just a fact. You can’t put that many chemicals in your body and not think something will happen.  I’m very self aware. I think it’s probably a blessing in disguise to my kids. They can put me in a home, and I won’t know the difference either way.  All I ask, remember it’s my birthday, is you put me in a home that has a lake or a pond.  I like sitting by the water, even it I won’t know why.

Anyway, my wife asked me what I want.  Which is a little like asking ‘what do you want me to allow you to buy yourself’, which I appreciate, because she gets me.  If I’m going to have to get something for my birthday, I might as well like it!  At 44 there isn’t really anything material I need, so here’s the list of things I would want for my birthday in no particular order:

1. To be left alone in the house with a gin and tonic and an NBA game on.  So I can fall asleep without interruption.

2. For someone in my family to take my kids, so my wife and I can have a solid 24 hours together without having to make a meal, do a load of laundry or pick up shoes, coats, backpacks, empty food wrappers, socks, empty cups, etc.

3. For you to listen to this white kid do the rap from TLC’s Waterfalls –

Now you know what a 17 year old Tim Sackett was like.

Happy Birthday to me kiddos!

6 Comment to “It’s My Birthday, Biatch!”

  1. HBD Mr. Tim. You deserve to get all of the above — and then some. Stay thirsty, my friend …

    Feb 20, 2014
  2. Happy birthday, Tim!

    HD
    Feb 20, 2014
  3. Happy Birthday! Sorry Brenda but I disagree. Do rap in public with your kids there and preferably their friends also, when they are teens and do it loudly.

    Eva
    Feb 20, 2014
  4. Happy Birthday Tim! (And your wife is right…about everything…)

    kd

    Kelly Dingee
    Feb 20, 2014
  5. Happy Birthday Tim! You know that writing yourself a blog post isn’t really a birthday present – you write a blog post practically every day! Go out, get yourself a case of diet Mountain Dew, and have a great day.

    Feb 20, 2014
  6. Happy Birthday!! May your second wish be granted and, in the words of my kids, DON’T EVER DO THAT (rapping) IN PUBLIC!!! lol

    Brenda
    Feb 20, 2014

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