Do you know what it felt like the last time you fell in love?
I mean real love?
The kind of love where you talk 42 times per day, in between text and facebook messages and feel physical pain from being apart? Ok, maybe for some it’s been a while and you didn’t have the texts or Facebook! But, you remember those times when you really didn’t think about anything else or even imagine not seeing the other person the next day, hell, the next hour. Falling “in” love is one of the best parts of love, it doesn’t last that long and you never get it back.
I hear people all the time say “I love my job” and I never use to pay much attention, in fact, I’ve said it myself. The reality is, I don’t love my job. I mean I like it a whole lot, but I love my wife, I love my kids, I love Diet Mt. Dew at 7 am on a Monday morning. The important things in life! But my job? I’m not sure about that one. As an HR Pro, I’m supposed to work to get my employees to “love” their jobs. Love.
Let me go all Dr. Phil on you for a second. Do you know why most relationships fail? No, it’s not the cheating. No, it’s not the drugs and/or alcohol. No, it’s not money. No, it’s not that he stops caring. No, it’s not your parents. Ok, stop it. I’ll just tell you!
Relationships fail because expectations aren’t met. Which seems logical knowing what we know about how people fall in love, and lose their minds. Once that calms down – the real work begins. So, if you expect love to be the love of the first 4-6 months of a relationship you’re going to be disappointed a whole bunch over and over.
Jobs aren’t much different.
You get a new job and it’s usually really good! People listen to your opinion. You seem smarter. Hell, you seem better looking (primarily because people are sick of looking at their older co-workers). Everything seems better in a new job. Then you have your 1 year anniversary and you come to find out you’re just like the other idiots you’re working with.
This is when falling in love with your job really begins. When you know about all the stuff the company hid in the closet. The past employees they think are better and smarter than you, the good old days when they made more money, etc. Now, is when you have to put some work into making it work.
I see people all the time moving around to different employers and never seeming to be satisfied. They’re searching. Not for a better job, or a better company. They’re searching for that feeling that will last. But it never will, not without them working for it.
The best love has to be worked for. Passion is easy and fleeting. Love is hard to sustain and has to be worked, but can last forever.
I’d go as far to say that sometimes people don’t recognize that the job “just isn’t that into you” …but they keep you around because you do the bare minimum and honestly they need people to do that. You can’t possibly love something that doesn’t love you back, right? 🙂 Sometimes you just need a worker and they just need a job.
One of my hardest jobs to leave (I truly loved) and it seemed to love me back (most of the time) …I knew, like the dysfunctional relationship that it was, in my heart it might just love me to death. Is the grass greener with my “new love?” Some days, yes. Some, not at all.
BUT what I can say, is that the people that helped me fall in love with the first one, helped me figure out what I will and won’t stand for in my next “relationship” and so far that’s working pretty well! I guess we’ll have to revisit this discussion at 1 year though 😉 Cheers to you Tim, for giving me that insight and support.