4+ Ways I would Fix Politics

Yep, buckle up kids, Uncle Timmy is ranting today!

First, anyone who calls themselves “Uncle” anything should be shot. That’s a creepy factor of one thousand, on a scale of one to one hundred.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to write about politics for a few months now. My personal Life Coach, Kristian Dunn, has pleaded with me, not to do this. “You’re going to ruin your career! You should stay neutral! Everyone loves Switzerland! Only idiots talk about politics!” My life coach is very Aaron Burr – “Talk Less, Smile More, Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for!”

He’s way smarter than I am. I just can’t sit here and watch what’s going on and not act!

Okay, here are the four things I would do to fix politics:

1. Political Advertising, of every kind, can only be run for 30 days before the election, and the amount spent has to be equal for all parties. So, Dems run $25 Million only, GOP can only run $25 million. But this includes all registered parties in all fifty states, so if the Green Party only spends $500K, guess what? Dems and GOP can also only spend $500K, or they could give money to the green party to be used for additional advertising.

2. If you vote early, all advertising is eliminated from your TV, social media, radio, etc. I’m not sure how technology will figure it out, but if they can figure out I like certain stuff, they can figure out how to filter out certain stuff.

3. You get 2 terms max – President, Senate, House. That’s it. No, sitting out for one term and coming back. Do your time, and then get a real job, you loser career politicians trying to make decisions for me and you’ve never worked a real job. Also, judges get ten years max, at all levels. I get why we do lifetime appointments, but what we end up with are dinosaurs on the bench that parties won’t let retire for fear of losing a seat. RBG should have been on a beach in a hammock with a frozen cocktail, but No, we need her to stay around until she dies.

4. For every lie a politician tells, and we’ll create judging panels of voters with equal numbers who will vote on the lies, and the politician has to spend 24 hours in prison if it is determined they lied, and pay the American people $100,000 per lie. By the people, for the people, motherf@ckers! “But he lied more!” One lie is too much. You are supposed to be helping us, morons.

You want some bonus ones!? Because I’m fired up and my Life Coach wouldn’t take my call this morning!

Bonus fixes:

– All elected officials get the same crappy health insurance you give to senior citizens. Same docs, same hospitals, same drug costs. No more Walter Reed. You’re going to county general, I hope you didn’t cut their funding!

– If your net worth is over $5 million you can’t run for office.

– If you’re eligible for social security, you can’t run for office.

– If you have paid income taxes in America for ten years, have citizenship, you can run for every office in the land.

– If you ever got recorded tasting or eating a Tide Pod you can’t run for any office. (Come on, we’ve got to have some limits!)

– If you’ve been publicly recorded stating that you believe the earth is flat, you can’t run for any office.

Happy voting! Don’t pay any attention to the rules designed by the two parties in power, to keep those two parties in power, and not allow anyone else to rise up to power. Because I’m sure one of those two parties fits all of your ideology perfectly, right?

 

14 thoughts on “4+ Ways I would Fix Politics

  1. When their terms expire, they can’t work in politics, lobbying, consulting, advertising…maybe dog catcher, but that’s it.
    No negative advertising. Ever.

  2. Tim,
    I was unsure before I started to read this but you hit it! Nice job. Frankly this is what most of us believe but sadly they (both parties) squash this sort of clear sanity of thought to keep their cushy, wealthy jobs.

  3. I’ll admit I was scared to click, but had to click to see what you had to say. I agree with many of your points, Tim. And, can we eliminate the parties too please?

  4. I like it – but what about rolling serving in our Govt. into our selective service? broaden what each citizen needs to do as a citizen, and include taking a term (or 2, max) as a govt. official, and then yes, go on about your lives. Everyone should do something to 1) help the US, 2) build a broader understanding of government and community, and 3) to not make politics a career goal.

    Other countries do it, have a national service requirement – let’s give it a go, and perhaps give credit for college tuition, trade school, etc., all while giving young people REAL job experience.

  5. and you didn’t check in with FOT’s maven on politics…shame on you Tim….but I agree with most (but not all)…..and I pay my taxes…HMMM…food for thought…a run for office….???? No, on second thought maybe not (KD agrees with me)….besides HR is all the politics I need in my life.
    and the 2 term limit (especially for the senate) is golden….
    Best,
    Mark

  6. Admittedly, number four made me laugh out loud.

    Good post! I’d say there’s something in here for every conservative or liberal eye that landed upon it. My vote would go to Tim.

  7. Love the post and yes, especially these two:
    – All elected officials get the same crappy health insurance you give to senior citizens. Same docs, same hospitals, same drug costs.
    – If your net worth is over $5 million you can’t run for office.

  8. I steer clear of all political posts but you somehow got me to read this…agree with many of the items proposed. The Tide Pods one may be brutal to our potential pipeline in the future. LOL! Great stuff Uncle Timmy.

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