Each year for the past 15 years I’ve written an annual Sackett Family Holiday letter that got sent out to friends and family. Now that I have a blog, the thought of writing a letter to be mailed out seemed so 2005! So, I decided to just write my annual letter here instead – send out the link – and Bam – I saved a couple hundred bucks in snowflake paper, printing and postage! We are right in the middle of annual holiday letter season right now – yesterday I actually received 8 in the mail, and I would say that’s probably an average daily number.
Nowadays, you don’t just receive a letter, but you also receive the annual family pic as well – it’s usually the straight Sears Photo Studio annual Christmas Tree backdrop or the beach shot from Spring Break last year with everyone in swim suites and Santa hats. Most people just go with the kids – because they hate showing how they’ve let themselves go – it’s easier to show their ugly kids who’ve let themselves go. We’ve gotten into the habit of sending out a picture Christmas Tree Ornament to each family on our list – that way we can ruin your perfectly decorated tree with our family photo! And believe me, I check to see if you’ve put it up when I come to visit during the holidays. Nothing says Christmas like a picture of a family of Jews on your tree!
Typical Annual Sackett Holiday Letter:
Paragraph 1: I make some joke to a popular cultural happening that took place in 2012 – this year it would have been probably something to do with the Olympics or the Election. I will talk about how Michigan State is Awesome, and how Michigan sucks – doesn’t even matter if this was actually true during the year.
Paragraphs 2-4: I have 3 sons, so the main body of the annual letter is about how genetically superior my children are as compared to yours. Athletically, academically and spiritually my kids are great and the intent of this section is to point this out to you. My hope is that you’ll actually feel jealously and start to push your kids a little harder – it’s my annual gift to you as a parent, a little push so-to-speak. Either way, they will never catch my kids who are just better. (True story – I made a joke about his in one of our letters and my grandmother got upset – “How could you say your kids are better than other peoples?” My response was like – “Really, Grandma!? Let’s force rank’em, you know mine are better!” Kidding Grandma!!)
Paragraph 5: This paragraph is about how awesome and beautiful my wife is. This single paragraph usually takes me about a week to write, because of re-writes. You have to be extra careful in this section – you want to be witty, but not to witty. You want to show how great she is, but not so great her girlfriends will call her a ‘bitch’ when they read it. The entire intent of this paragraph is that when her girlfriends read it, they say “Ahhh!”, in a good I wish-my-husband-would-say-that-about-me way.
Paragraph 6: This one is about me. It’s usually the same thing – Work, chasing boys, repeat.
The Big Close: It’s Coop Quotes! It use to the best quotes of the year from all the boys – but the older boys would now be embarrassed to have their quotes sent out to the world, plus Coop just says funny stuff – so for the last 5 or so years – we’ve just done the best quotes of the year from Coop. My wife and I actually send each other emails when we hear a good one, that way we don’t forget them throughout the year! This year’s Coop Quotes:
- “It’s not called cheating, it’s called winning!” -After Cam caught him cheating at a game they were playing.
- “Boys and girls are similar, but girls have a backbone.” -Coop clearly understanding the reproductive differences between the sexes.
- “Canada!” -When Keaton asked Cooper where Mexicans were from