Finishing up the HR Conference season for 2011 and I have a few things that have been bugging me…

I. Wireless Access – Let’s begin here (and I could probably end here as well!) – when do we jump the shark at HR conferences when wireless access is the “new” normal – SHRM National – the largest conference – no access in the sessions – HR Southwest – the second largest show – no access –  how are we suppose to live tweet/Facebook/and Shop (just for boring sessions) when there is no wireless access. I get most have smart phones – but really – if you’re in a a good session you need a full keyboard to keep up with all the gems being shared.  A few get it – HR Tech is one – which you would assume – it’s Tech! plus the Godfather of HR Bill Kutik get’s it.  Some state conferences get it – mostly those being organized and run by HR Bloggers.  But really the majority still don’t – Kris Dunn and I were at HR Southwest this week and they wanted the low, low price of $99.95 per day for wireless access – I kid you not!

II. Swag – Unlike my friend William Tincup who wants to abolish swag and just have “real ” conversations – like HR folks want those! – I think we need to up the swag game to monumental proportions.  Go big or go home with your Swag, HR vendors.  Let’s face it with the crappy economy old school wine and dine is back into fashion and I think too many vendors are missing the boat.  Want to have a “real” conversation William?  Offer something “real” to the HR Pro to sit down with you, besides your over hyped, over priced software that only does 13% of what you actually say it will do.  The one’s I love are when some idiot sends you like a portable DVD player, but without the battery, and says “if you meet with me for 30 minutes I’ll bring in the battery and it’s all yours to keep.”  Well that’s a start – but the portable DVD player you sent just really made me feel sorry for you, and that’s probably why I would meet with you!   In 2012 I’m looking for a vendor to offer up Cash! That’s right – my time is money baby!  Want to sit down and blow hot air up my butt – give me some money.  Heck for $50 bucks, for 30 minutes, I’ll even sit close to you on your little stupid coach at the show and hold hands!

III.  Conference Groupies – I don’t know about you guys – but I have a job – and my job isn’t going to conferences – but it seems like there is a core group of folks that somehow fell into these cool jobs of just going to conferences.  Not sure who pays them to do this – but this is kind of their thing.  I know most of these folks get free admission – but the travel is still super expensive.  I wouldn’t even comment on this but for the simple fact, I don’t see these folks really doing anything besides showing up to the parties to get free drinks – oh and the obligatory blog post on how “this” conference is the best ever, followed by a handful of tweets saying how great whoever it was that gave them the free pass to come to the conference and some drunk flickr photos.   BTW – if you are offended by the following paragraph – you are a conference groupie.

My BFF, who is a girl, who is in HR and who loves cats – yep – that Cynical Girl, Laurie Ruettimann – wrote a post today about an article I sent her yesterday – CNN Money – The 53%: We Are NOT Occupy Wall Street.  The article is about this great group of American’s who pay taxes – no that’s not 99% of Americans – it’s about 53% of us.  Us 53% allow for our non-paying 99%ers to go sit in a park and attempt to speak for all of us not making as much as the richest 1% of Americans.   From CNN Money –

They call themselves the 53%…as in the 53% of Americans who pay federal income taxes. And they are making their voices heard on Tumblr blogs, Twitter and Facebook pages devoted to stories of personal responsibility and work ethic.

The number originates in the estimate that roughly 47% of Americans don’t pay federal income tax, according to the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center. The 53 percenters stress the fact that they are paying the taxes that support the government assistance the protesters say they want.

I’ve already said in a post (Occupy Your Cube) I don’t understand these 99%ers – it don’t support or not support their cause – I’m indifferent.  Not indifferent to those out there looking for a job – I feel their plight.  I’m indifferent to how the 99%ers are going about voicing their outrage  – and choosing to go after rich people as their target.  The problem with our economy is not rich people – we’ve always had rich people, and G*d willing America will always have rich people.  I mean seriously – The Lotto – is the last great American Dream we have – everybody wants to win the Powerball – $173M this Saturday -I already bought my ticket – so this is probably my last post after Saturday – sorry suckers – but I’ll be Rich! Just ordered my “I’m in the 1%er cube get off my lawn!” hoodie.

Here’s what I know.  Last night after sending this article to Laurie – I drove home in my SUV.  As I drove up various busy streets I counted 7 Help Wanted signs – 7! – in about a 2 mile stretch.  In Michigan – Help Needed!  I just left my desk where I have over 100 openings I’m trying to find talent for – got off the phone with companies planning to hire many more in the coming future.  I spoke to one company in my area who could hire as many people as I could find – good jobs – potentially making $40K a year.  He can’t find people who are willing to do the work.  I then drove by a small park in downtown Lansing, MI less than a mile from the State Capitol building and saw 25 or so 99%er protestors and their camp.   Are the jobs all white collar jobs, paying $65K a year, sitting behind a desk? – no they are not – I’m sure most of the Help Wanted signs have some manual labor involved, starting at the bottom – but all have some potential.

Here’s what HR has taught me over the last 20 years.  Not everyone wants to be out of a job – the vast majority of people want to be employed.  There is a percentage of the workforce that puts as little effort as they can to keep their job and still get paid.  Under 5% unemployment is pretty much 0% percent unemployment – because not many of us HR Pros – want that bottom 4%.  Of the 15 Million Americans who are unemployed – out of 300 Million Americans – 3 Million of those don’t want to work to support themselves – that’s reality.

There are a lot of numbers out there – and everyone has their opinion – but I’m in HR – so I’m not sharing mine – being on the fence is where I’m most comfortable!

In case you missed it – Dr. Pepper has come out with a Men’s Only Diet Soda called Dr. Pepper Ten. Why?  Because I guess they feel “diet” isn’t manly enough, so guys won’t buy it. So, increase the calories to 10 and don’t call it diet and guys will rush to the store to buy it. The brilliant marketing people even put the new soda in a “gun metal” grey can – to make it even manlier.  Just what society needed – a semi diet soda in a grey can and commercials that say “It’s Not For Women”.   At this point my goal in life is to meet the person who was sitting on their lazy boy, in their man cave, in front of the 60 inch LCD when this commercial came on and said to themselves “you know, that’s a brilliant idea!”  I have a strong desire to meet this person!

Hey, Dr. Pepper – you want to know what else isn’t for Women?  Guys who can’t admit that they don’t want the extra calories from non-diet sodas, so they have to pick up a can of a soda that is really diet, but not called that, and is marketed for Men Only.

Chalk this up as potentially the worst marketing idea for 2011!

In this edition of Things – we will be looking at Things I wish I had on my desk right now –

First off, I wish I had one of those original Sports Illustrated Sneaker Phones – that would be Awesome! Not really to use, since we  are on the phone all the time, but just so that I could pick it up and use it when someone walked into your office and saw you holding a shoe to your head!

The next thing would probably be a big bowl of Circus Peanuts, and I mean an abnormally large bowl where people think “you’ve got a problem with these Circus Peanuts.”  I don’t know why I like these, they are the texture of a sponge and but as a boy I could eat an entire bag and not even throw up orange!

The next thing I would want is a Darth Vader digital clock, because it’s nerdy and completely cool!

The final thing and probably my most coveted item of wanting would be a completely awesome, overly large picture of myself, but done in the very nerdy 1980’s class photo double image portrait.

That would be the perfect office!

I was reminded of this from Fight Club this week – it’s my favorite scene from the movie…

Fight Club – Being clever by peromocibob

So, I probably don’t have anything clever to say, but this has been working out for me just fine –

1. Professional Athletes Who Do Charity work: So, if you read my blog you might think, oh boy Tim’s going to go off on these Rich SOBs – but I’m not.  You see I think people earn their money and they have the right to do with it what they want.  You might argue, well no one deserves to get million of dollars to play a game, but again, I’ll disagree with you – the market determines what they get paid – so they do deserve it – if they didn’t the market wouldn’t pay it.  So, I have true respect and administration for those professional athletes, in any sport, who make the choice to give their time and/or money to worthy causes.  They don’t have to do this – but unfortunately too many people feel like Athletes have to do this. Well, they don’t, just like you don’t.  I have the same respect for anyone who chooses to donate their time or money to what they believe in.

Here’s the one difference I see with pro athletes.  For many kids, these athletes are their heroes – they look up to them, they want to be like them. So, it’s special when an athlete comes to a hospital or school to visit children.  I could do that all day, and while I’m sure the adults at the organizations would appreciate my donation – the kids really don’t care too much.  But watch a kid when his favorite pro sports star comes to see them, and you’ll see Joy in it’s purest form.  I respect those athletes, actors, etc. who make the conscience choice to bring this joy to children.

2. The Michigan side, Lake Michigan Shore Line: Now I might sound like a Pure Michigan ad here – but I’m sick and tired of listening to people around the country tell me how nice their beaches are – Door County, WI can suck my sand bucket, Jersey Shore – please don’t even go there, any Ocean beach – too salty, and sharks.  I’ve been to all these places and no other beach in the country comes close to Lake Michigan beaches during July and August in Michigan.  From St. Joseph to Mackinaw City there is an endless supply of perfect sand beaches (literally hundreds of miles), snug up against clean, blue, fresh water Lake Michigan.  People who haven’t been here are missing one of America’s truly great places – it’s my number 1 thing about living in Michigan.   So, if you can’t get a hold of anyone in Michigan on a Friday afternoon between May and September – now you have an idea why.

After 41 years on this planet I’ve come to know a few things…

1. Parents have no ability, whatsoever, to evaluate their own child’s ability to do anything.  I don’t have to tell you this, you know it – you hear them at the water cooler talking about how great little Johnny is at everything from scoring touchdowns to wiping his own butt.  In my personal estimation, I think 1 out of 100 parents can even come close to truly being able to come close to evaluating what their children are actually good at.   I think it must be some crazy law of the universe, like the Law of Parenting, in which, parents only have the ability to truly and honestly believe their kids rock at everything they attempt.  I guess in Leave It To Beaver sense, that’s probably a nice little world to live in. The irony of all this is the majority of parents would say the exact opposite of this – so here’s the caveat – if a parent is talking about their own kid in a critical way, well that’s OK, but try and talk to their parent about their child’s short comings, and they’ll lose their f’ing mind!  I call this the Mama Bear Syndrome. (I can call my kid ugly, but the heck if I’m going to let you call them ugly!)

2. People tend to carry around negative stuff way to long, like luggage – they just won’t throw it out.  But throw positive stuff away on a daily basis.  One of my super powers is to throw negative stuff away very quickly and move on – but I also probably hold onto to positive stuff for too long!

3. If someone needs water during an interview – they probably aren’t going to do well in the interview.  Let’s face it, if you don’t have the ability to sit in front of another person and talk for an hour without a drink of water – do you really think I should give you a job?!  I think that last line is funny, because if I know anything – I know that HR Pros are the best at coming up with arbitrary reasons for not hiring people, that make absolutely no sense, whatsoever.  Like: not hiring someone who wears white socks with dress shoes,  Not hiring someone who has deeply, embedded wrinkles in their shirt, not hiring someone because they said “Um” to many times (an they have an over/under number on how many “Um”s are acceptable), not hiring someone because they are from a rival university, not hiring someone because they had a typo on their resume (this one I don’t understand at all – so the candidate is a perfect fit, but missed one typo, and they’re out? Really! So, short-sighted.), not hiring someone because they chewed to loudly during the interview lunch, etc.   Makes my – I’m not hiring you if you need a drink of water during the interview, not seem so bad now, doesn’t it?  BTW – if someone asks for and needs to drink a Diet Mt. Dew during the interview – I’m totally hiring them.

Summer is in full swing in Michigan which means we have about 6 more days to enjoy before winter, but here are some summer things that I’m enjoying right now:

Slip-N-Slides: I have an 8 year old son, and about 37 kids under 9 in my neighborhood and my wife recently went out and got the side-by-side racing slip-n-slide – so you can imagine the amount of kids losing their minds at my house right now!    One Warning slip-n-slides aren’t made for adults, there is nothing about running and diving onto a wet piece of plastic that an adult should attempt – you’ve been warned.  Now a fun game that the Dads can put together is slip-n-slide race betting.  It’s pretty simple, here is a list of what you need: lawn chairs, cooler of adult beverages and money.  Then you sit around bet on kids winning slip-n-slide races and just really enjoy the quality time with your kids – who says Dads aren’t involved!

Dad Ball: Let me do this with full disclosure – my name is Tim Sackett, and I’m a Parent Coach…I feel like I have to give the AA introduction, because I’m definitely going to need therapy once my kids are all through the parent-coaching stage!   Coaching your own kids is probably the closest thing to child-parent-abuse without physical contact that I can imagine.  Dads completely lose their freaking minds when coaching their own kids – but not all in the same way – so I’ll give you run down of types of Dad Ball Coaches:

– Coach Moses: This is the Dad who thinks his kid walks on water!  You know the type, this is the Dad who has a kid who is probably a decent player, but there are other kids who are better, but he continues to put his kid in prime positions in the field and batting lineup – even when they don’t produce.  Coach Moses will tear apart a team faster than any other type of coach.  The only time a Coach Moses can be successful, is when their kid is truly the best kid on the team – and it’s very apparent.

– Coach Dalai Lama: This is a Dad who tries to make it all about the “experience”.  This Dad is all about fairness, and equality – winning isn’t the goal, learning is the goal.  After all these are just children, and we’ve been given this gift and opportunity to mold them, and we need to protect this opportunity like the fragile butterfly out of the cocoon.  This is also the team that get’s beat by hundred runs every game!

–Coach Knight (as in Bob Knight):  This is the Dad who yells – yells – and yells.  He yells at the players, yells at the umpires, yells at the other parents, yells at his mother – you get the idea.  These are the guys that believe the only way you get the most out of your kids is by yelling at them to keep them motivated.  This is usually the most hated of all Dad Ball coaches – but from personal experience, I’ve had some Coach Knights that were actually the best coaches.

– Coach Bobby Boucher (pronounced Boo shea):  From the Adam Sandler movie The Waterboy – This is a Dad Ball Coach who played the sport in high school, but wasn’t any good – thus the “waterboy” reference…  You can imagine, this coach is trying to re-live their failed youth, but driving their team to win the league championship.  This coach is usually the main figure on the team – out in front of the actual team – the winning is all about their job as a coach, the losing is all about those idiot kids failing.  Nothing like a grown man re-living this life’s failures through the blood, sweat and tears of adolescent boys!

Spent about 10 days away from the office between attending SHRM11 and going on vacation with my family to Colorado, so here are my takeaways from those 10 days:

Vacations: Only rich people go on vacation – or at least how I like to go on vacation – it’s crazy expensive.  Here’s a conservative run down on 5 days in Colorado for my family of 5:

• Flights – $1250
• Hotel – $750
• Rental SUV – $450
• Food – $600 (included one trip to Cheesecake Factory as the “big” night out! That’s how Team Sackett rolls!)
• Entertainment: $500 (Breckenridge Fun Park, Cave of the Winds)
• Shopping: $700 (mostly my wife, but that isn’t normal – it’s usually for me, she deserved it after having the boys by herself for my SHRM trip!)
• Total cost: $4250 roughly

$4000+ dollars for 5 days!  That seems crazy to me, I mean that could have paid for 6 months of community college to one of my kids! And the best part of the whole trip – watching my 7 year old son get completely engrossed in looking for gemstones in a fake panning for gold setup – cost – $8 (he could have done that all day).  I want someone to tell me how people go on multiple trips per year – I have people I know that do this 2-4 times per year – and my only conclusion is the must make way more money than I do!

Vegas: 5 days in Vegas seems like 3 months.  The time change doesn’t help – going from EST to PST kicks you in the butt, but the energy surrounding Vegas just sucks the life out of you after a few days.  I don’t understand those people who love Vegas and want to return again and again – you are not my people. Give me a calm lake on a warm day with a sanding beach – and those are my people.

Connections: I’m always open to meeting new people and look forward to it.  This social media thing gives me a chance to meet people I normally wouldn’t and I continue to be pleasantly surprised and amazed at the people I meet.  Last week I got to have dinner with Ryan Estis and Michael Long, we were brought together by Smartbrief’s, Mary Ellen Slayter – who is completely awesome herself.  Prior to meeting both I would describe Ryan as this Marcus Buckingham-Man-crush-wanna-be, pro speaker, probably doesn’t really get HR type. Michael was the faux HR superhero The Red Recruiter, who seemed bigger than life to me with the whole red shoes thing and seemingly trying to save the world one recruit at a time.  A funny thing happens when you finally get to me people in person, your perceptions sometimes get blown away – that is what happened to me.  Ryan is what I want to be when I grow up – but for the simple fact we are the same age – although he looks 10 years younger than I.  He gets it – not just HR – but business – if you have a change to see him speak you have to check him out.  Michael is that guy trying to save the world one recruit at a time – and that’s completely awesome – he has “real” passion for what he does and it’s so refreshing to see that in a person.  Both were as down to earth people who you’ll ever meet and we talked and laughed through the entire dinner. Thanks Mary for the setup!

Spent half the week with Kris Dunn in Omaha speaking and presenting for the Omaha HR Pros at HRAM on what HR Pros can learn from a money-hungry VP of Sales, and we had a ton of fun with the folks in Omaha!  While traveling my mind had extra time to roam, so here are my Friday Things:

Phone Cords: Let me just say this – I think the invention of the cordless phone, and further invention of cellular phones, has been the downfall of society.  How’s that for a statement!? So, really, Tim, phone cords were what was holding society together! Let me explain…When I was a kid, we had 1 phone in the house (yeah, yeah, and you walked to school up hill, both ways), that phone happened to be located on the kitchen wall next to the dining room.  So, if you wanted to talk to someone, you had two choices – call them or actually go find them in person and talk face to face.  Now my parents weren’t heartless, we had like a 20 foot phone cord, so for privacy you stretched all 20 feet of the cord into the dining room and buried yourself in the corner, so you could talk “in-private” with the family 20 feet away.  The phone cord kept everyone informed, made sure no one got to far off the reservation before Mom and Dad knew what was going on – in essence – the phone cord kept the family together.  It also forced me and my sister to learn how to communicate appropriately, since you were going to here about it if Mrs. Smith answered the phone and you didn’t address her properly, when asking if Johnny could come over to play catch.  I bet you never knew such a simple item, and subsequent loss of such item, would have this big of impact on society.  God Bless the Phone Cord!

Two Kinds of People: I believe you can put the entire world into two kinds of people – when going to a traditional Omaha Steak House (or Texas House, or Ruth Chris’s, or Del Frisco’s, etc. – you get my drift – high end $40 steaks) you have people who order a Steak or you have people who order the Chicken or Fish (whether they order Chicken or Fish makes no difference they’re the same person).   I’m an American.  If I’m invited to a high-end Steak House – you can best believe Timmy’s eating Steak!  If you order Chicken or Fish, you have some unresolved psychological issues from childhood that need to be dealt with.  I think I’ve said enough on this issue – you other people know who you are.

College World Series: The CWS might be the great college playoff type event in all of sports.  College baseball is funny, because unless you live in the SEC territory or have a kid playing college baseball, nobody pays attention.  But once per year, college baseball takes center stage in Omaha – and it’s the coolest place in the world to be!  Think major big time college football game, giant rivalry (Texas vs. Oklahoma, Michigan State vs. Michigan, Florida vs. Georgia, etc.) – for 10 straight days!   It’s like the final four, but with baseball and tailgating – in fact I think the CWS has taken the best of college football (tailgating atmosphere) and the Final Four (a bunch of games in short period or time, with an eventual champion) and put them together in one event.  If you ever get the chance – you have to experience the NCAA College World Series.