Don’t Apply to College if You’re White, Middle Class and Male

I heard a female comedian the other day say one of the truest things I’ve ever heard:

Look, if you’re a white dude, and you’re failing in America, you’re really a failure! You’re like the definition of failure! You can’t be a white dude and complain about how hard life is. If you’re a white guy and you’re failing at life, you’re basically saying, “I can’t find a way to be successful in a society that was built for me.” That’s America.

Which is probably why Trump is trying to make it white great again!

What this comedian was saying is no one wants to hear white dudes whine about stuff. “Oh, it’s so hard to find a job.” “Oh, I can’t afford a house in the richest part of town.” “Oh, I’m not going to be able to retire until I’m 62.” In comparison to real people problems in the world, it all sounds stupid.

Did you hear the whole Kelly and Michael drama that blew up this past week? All said and done, Kelly comes out and says, “My Dad, who drove a bus for thirty years, thinks we’re all crazy!” Privilege, at any level, isn’t supposed to whine about shit.

So, all that being said, here’s my privilege whine:

College Acceptance and Tuition Payment is completely broken! 

My middle son is about to make his college choice. He’s got some great schools that have accepted him. He has some great ones that did not. His dream school was Duke. He also really liked Northwestern, Dartmouth, and UCLA. He has a 4.05 GPA on a 4.0 scale (honors classes give you additional GPA) and a 31 on his ACT (97th percentile of all kids taking this test).  He had the grades and test scores to get into all of those schools.

What he didn’t have was something else.

What is the something else?

He didn’t come for a poor family. He didn’t come from a rich family. He wasn’t a minority. He doesn’t have some supernatural skill, like shooting a basketball. He isn’t in a wheelchair. He isn’t from another country.

He’s just this normal Midwestern kid from a middle-class family who is a super involved student-athlete, student government officer, award-winning chamber choir member, teaches swimming lessons to children, etc., etc., etc.

Basically, he falls into this no-man’s land of what colleges and universities don’t want these days. Male and White.

Can I keep whining? Whatever, it’s my blog – buckle up! 

What is the other something else, from a financial perspective?

He got into Boston College, another dream school for him, and one that wanted him to come and continue his swim career at the Division 1 level. BC also costs $68,000 per year.

Colleges and U.S. Federal Government hate kids who come from families that do the right thing.  What’s the “right thing”?  He comes from a family that pays their mortgage, saved some money for his tuition and put money away for retirement.

Apparently, all those ‘positive’ things, like being financially responsible, are not liked by colleges and the federal government. Colleges and the U.S. Government would have preferred that I didn’t work, let my house go into foreclosure and was in debt up to my eyeballs. If that was the case, both the college and U.S. Federal Government would reward my bad decision making and pay for my son to go to school, fully!

Because he comes from a family that made good decisions, Boston College, and the Federal Government thought it was a good idea for him to pay $68,000 per year to attend their fine university.

My wife and I have spent our son’s entire lives saving for them for college. We sacraficed to basically give them a fund that would pay two full years of tuition and living at a normal state four-year college. The other two years are on their own. We feel they need to shoulder some of that cost to appreciate what it is they’re investing in.

I get it. No one wants to hear about how the middle-class kid can’t go to the super high-end school of his dreams because he can’t afford it.

I’m struggling with this. I’m no different than any other parent who tells their kid when they were little, work your butt off and one day you can go to Harvard! When I should have said, work your butt off, I’ll make awful financial decisions, and then you’ll be able to go to Harvard.

Here’s what I know, and it’s a hard pill to swallow, if my son did exactly what he did (grades, involvement, etc.) and he was Hispanic (or Black, or American Indian, or from a poor country) and I had no money, he would be getting ready to enroll into Duke. But he’s not.

What did he do wrong? He was born into a white family that worked their ass off to give him every advantage in life.

White privilege is a privilege until it’s not. Until a kid’s dream is broken for something he can’t wrap his brain around. Believe me, I understand this goes both ways. I understand there are black kids who don’t even get an interview for a job because some white kid’s Dad already got them the job ‘behind the scenes’. That isn’t right either! In my mind, I don’t see the difference between these two examples.

Rant over. Colleges are going the route of corporate America. White guys are bad, everyone else is desirable, do whatever it takes, at any cost, to make sure this happens. Well, unless, your old, corporate America doesn’t like older people either, no matter what color or gender you are – but that’s a rant for a different day!

Hit him in the comments and tell me how out of touch I am, then remember this is all about a 17-year-old boy with a dream. A dream he worked his ass off to achieve.

229 thoughts on “Don’t Apply to College if You’re White, Middle Class and Male

  1. I’m from the UK. In England and Wales (Scotland is different) most universities have their fees capped at £9250 per year; although they can and do charge more for international students, and so go out of their way to promote themselves to foreign students. As a ‘mature’ student, who also happens to be white and middle class and male, the very first lecture of my psychology course explained how psychology has been dominated by old white middle class men. They didn’t explicitly say that must change, but highlighting the contribution of women and non-white psychologists in the lecture apparently wasn’t enough. Moving on, we were informed as part of our agreement that we should understand microaggressions, trigger warnings, and to be aware of and check our unconscious bias. The current concern of the university appears to be about Black Lives Matter and decolonising the curriculum, despite the global pandemic, and the unprofessional and haphazard way the university has managed it. The obsession with woke culture and social justice means that math (for example) as you know it may no longer be taught at university, because it is a science that was created by dead white men. Physics is also in the firing line.

    This article explains how a New Frontiers in Research Fund grant in Canada will support interdisciplinary approaches to decolonizing science, including research that investigates ‘Cultural ideas about light in Indigenous knowledges and philosophies’.

  2. I just read your article about being from an average middle class family, and trying to get any scholarship, or anything that you’ve not going ever be able to payoff. I was one of the those guys. Although I am of mixed races, being half blood Indian and Mexican, doesn’t get you anything in America. I was second in my graduating class, I had a GPA of 4.0 , and a IQ of 136, this got me nothing in the 1970’s . It seems that my parents made to much money, my dad worked on a crew laying asphalt and my mom was a telephone operator, neither one was considered a very good paying job back then, and I was the second of four kids. But even though I didn’t have any money for college I did ok, but if I’d have had a college degree, I would have been able to advance to higher jobs, the education level beat me out of promotions every time.

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  8. I understand and empathize with all of you. I am white, male. I cam from a large family (8 kids). My father was a brilliant and compassionate doctor, but lousy business man. He could not afford to send any but the two oldest to college, and even then they took out loans to cover two to two and half years of college. All of us worked full time jobs during school. I attended George Washington University in the late 1987-92. Even though I had the GI bill (Montogomery, Chapt 106 Equalte about $120 a month) I routinely worked 55-70 hours a week to pay for tuition and my minimal living expenses. Part of my pay ($1000-1500) month went to support my family. I went on to a 27 year career in the military and now work in education. Ironically, even though I was independent, I earned too much money to qualify for financial aid, so I paid for my education entirely myself. When I graduated, I had a only total of about $10k in student loans.
    The problem is the institution of higher education and society’s attitudes about. It has become a big business. Even the non-profit schools are jacking up prices because excess net operating revenues are passed off as bonus pay to senior university staff and employees. Why is room and board equal to if not more than tuition at most schools. Harvard has a $28 BILLION dollar endowment, why does it need any money or grants from the federal government? But there are quality alternatives to top tier or private education. If you are pursuing a liberal arts degree, the first two years of General Education requirements are identical to the last two years of high school and a liberal arts associates degree at 99% of community colleges. Most states have programs where if you do well in the local community college (C average!) you are guaranteed admittance to any state school of your choice. Here in Virginia you can get your associates for about $4000 at a community college, then got to UVa for your last two years and save $28k in tuition and another $28k in on campus room/board.
    We need to have a national discussion about why people go to college/university and what they want out of a work/life balance. In my time in the military, I have found many people want to go to college because they think they are going to earn $150k right out of college and that finding a job they like will be easy. They fail to understand 95% are going to start at the bottom of their industry earning $50k or less and that they have to make economic choices. They look at Amazon, Google or Apple pay and compensation and believe their job in insurance, banking etc should provide the same. The celebrity lifestyle hyped on social media is a myth, yet many young people want to pursue that life style.
    Bottom line, education is about making economic choices that have consequences and repercussions for decades. Higher education is an investment in your future, but their is no guarantee that the value placed on STEM today is going to last into the future as new technologies replace old. Nurses, home healthcare and PT/OT are needed skills right now, but as the baby boomers and veterans from the last twenty years of perpetual conflict begin to die off, there may be a glut of these professionals. Many people, like me will have to be more flexible and willing to learn new skills and capabilities. The current college/university institutional paradigm is growing ever further behind the times.

    • Well said. And thank you for your service. ~ I graduated from Clemson University back in the mid 90’s and paid my way by working as a waitress mainly. I was emancipated at 15 working 37 hrs a week at a Sears Distribution Center. After graduating high school, I then worked as a secretary for 2 years before saving up enough money to pay for my first year of out-of-state tuition (after one year I was considered an instate resident). I took a few freshman classes at a local community college to offset expenses before transferring. I did all this because I wanted it and no one was going to do it for me.

      I am stunned now by all the things our children have to time concern themselves about. I am shocked that we are unnecessarily re-hashing resolved issues regarding sexual orientation, and I am insulted that we are all now reduced to categories for so-called political correctness, which as far as I am concerned is a misnomer.

      We are PEOPLE. We rise and fall on our own sword, and most of us could pull out our personal ‘hardship’ card to use as an excuse to get something —or get out of something. But we shouldn’t. It marginalizes us. All of us. I chose to be the hero, not the victim of my story — as each of us are called to do.

      Higher education has value if it leads to a job on the other side. Perhaps the cost would not be so high at these institutions if we are permitted to be intellectually honest about what the point of higher education actually should be. ~ If it will help you have a career and offer meaning to your life, great. Otherwise you are just lining the pockets of academics who mock the most important freedom we have – the freedom to think critically and independently, and to achieve at the highest levels in the OUTSIDE world.

      Clemson University is a large school, and I remember meeting with the Dean personally to petition to live off campus as a freshman because I had a dog I couldn’t part with. I was a few years older and arguably more mature than the average dorm student. I was granted the waiver. The waiver was granted to me because I made the case – not because I was poor or female or how I identified sexually or how I felt emotionally about being abandoned by parents exhausted by divorce.

      We need to shy away from deciding who deserves special treatment based on a checked box regarding skin color, nationality, sexual orientation or social class. Viewing each other as PEOPLE and not Political Points would go a long way in restoring lost trust in our government as well as our institutions of higher learning, before any of us will believe our education worth the outlandish prices we paid.

  9. There are literally videos on Youtube of college admissions panels. They let in every kid who is a minority and poor, or every kid who says “i’m discriminated against because i’m a lesbian” or “my parents kicked me out for xyz.” All the middle class white kids get waitlisted.

    It’s horrible. God forbid you get in on your merits.

  10. I see this was in 2016. In 2020, it has only gotten worse.

    Ready for another story? We are a white, upper middle class family that comes from a nice suburb with a good school system In Texas. He is a twin (his brother is on the autism spectrum).

    This particular son is a National Merit Scholar (went all the way in the process and received one of their 2500 scholarships), has a 35 ACT, I can’t recall his exact SAT now but it was in the 1500s, has a 5.56 weighted/4.0 unweighted GPA, will have 17 AP classes at graduation next month and has made 5’s on all AP tests so far,. He is an Eagle scout, plays violin, has a black belt in shodokan karate, is treasurer in eSports, a leader for his young men’s group at church, and also participates in NHS, Mu Alpha Theta as well as tutors other students. All while holding down a job as a year-round lifeguard for the last two years.

    He applied to Harvard for early admission, he was waitlisted in December and then rejected in March. He also applied to Rice. He was waitlisted there as well in March. He did apply and get accepted into some other good, private universities that were not Ivy. In the end, he has decided to go to a state school that has an Honors College that heavily recruits NMS and are offering them unique opportunities such as first year research participation, smaller class sizes, first choice in class scheduling, honors dorm, honors advisors, mentoring when applying to top graduate school scholarships such as Goldwater, etc.

    The other top students at his school that are Indian and Asian were also rejected at similar schools such as Yale and Stanford. The only top student at his school to get into a top school (MIT) was a Latina girl whose family is underprivileged. She is an exceptional girl, very nice and smart. I am happy for her.

    In contrast, twin, African American girls in our district who are decent students but not in the top 10 and do not have the top academics my son or his peers have announced they both got into Harvard.

    We suspected this would happen when he applied, so he isn’t heartbroken. He wasn’t even sure if he really wanted to go there. But he did want to try and see if he could make the cut and then decide. Thankfully he is internally motivated and knows who he is and is not impacted by this.

    White males are not getting into those colleges unless they come from a wealthy family and are legacy or are an athlete.

    • I am a white, heterosexual, male. I was accepted to every college I had ever applied to. I have degrees from five universities. I graduated top in my class at a conservative college, and earned a 4.0 in all hard sciences at the other colleges where I had also earned degrees. However, at Boston University and the University of Washington, I was openly discriminated against in virtually all of the soft science courses on campus. Logic and facts, not to mention critical thinking, are on life support on liberal campuses today.. I feel fortunate to have gone to college decades ago. If things were tough then, they have gotten worse today. I am pulling for you all. Best wishes….

      • It is worse now. I’ve applied for over 100 scholarships and am a finalist because my test scores, grades, community service and sports records are impeccable. I jump through all the hoops and then get told no. They chose someone diverse. Not so bad I compete with the women, and minorities, now I compete with the dreamers and the LGBTQ students. Hard working young men with American pride where is your scholarships?

        • Right! I am sorry for your trials. There is no fairness to it. There has got to be a way to navigate through the current political landscape. Do what you can and keep all options open. Times have changed for sure, but they can’t keep on going in this direction!

    • Many, many great stories here, which bring to mind our recent past.
      In 2018 my son (35 ACT, National AP scholar, 4.2 GPA) got accepted to BU and Northeastern, but for $70k, he was not interested. We would have ponied up (somehow) for the Ivies and U of Michigan, but they turned him down – a very painful sting for him. But guess which top school let him in on MERIT alone – no essays or extracurriculars required: McGill University in Montreal. The best part? This Canadian school cost HALF the price of the American schools. There are many other good schools in Canada that are a similar bargain.

  11. I’m sorry, but this just isn’t the case. College admissions has gotten a lot more competitive in the last couple of years. I’m Indian, and I got a 1480 on my SAT, I’ve taken 4 APs (three 5s and a 4) and I have nearly straight As. I also come from a middle class family, but I moved from India my freshman year (which is to say, I had shit to say on my college essay). My dream college was NYU. I also really liked the prospects of USC, UCLA or Columbia. And, while I didn’t think I had it in the bag necessarily, I thought I had a decent shot at those colleges. What ended up happening was I got rejected from OSU. I had thought OSU was a safety. Yet, in spite of being a minority, I didn’t get in. It’s not that you’re being discriminated against, it’s that the world of college admissions is a lot tougher than it used to be. The population is growing larger, and so the pool of competitive applicants is getting bigger and bigger. The number of colleges is not growing at the same rate. There’s a reason that colleges always throw in statistics in rejection letters. It’s because more and more students are applying to them every year. But as the number of people in the, say, top 1% gets bigger, they crowd out the people in the, say, top 5% who might’ve gotten in otherwise.

    Think of it this way. Let’s say there is a single college in a country (let’s call it Rajeevisthan) and let’s say that that college can accept 400 people a year. Now, the population is increasing in Rajeevisthan, like it is all around the world. When this experiment started, let’s say that 1000 students graduated that year. In this year, the college’s acceptance rate is 40%. 50 years pass. The graduating students is now around 1280 (that has been taken from an annual population growth of a half percent per annum, which is the average in the United States). The college is still accepting 400 people per year. But now, there are more graduating students. So, now the college’s acceptance rate is 31%. Over fifty years, nine percent of students (approximately 115 people) that are of the same caliber as those accepted at the start of the experiment are rejected.

    This is also why it’s so competitive in regions like India and China. Their population is so massive that it’s incredibly difficult to get into a good college. India, for instance, has a system where it’s based almost entirely on a series of exams given at the end of their tenth and twelfth grades (sort of like A-levels, but it’s also the only criterion for admission; there’s very little individual screening). My cousin got 96% on those examinations, and he got into a second-rate college.

    Of course, there’s less of that in the US, but there’s enough. It also explains why it may be hard for previous generations to understand why their children who might be just as smart and just as competitive (perhaps even more competitive) can’t get into the same colleges.

    • Asian or Indian, you are not considered a minority in regard to admissions at many universities in the USA as well. Asians, Chinese in particular, are sometimes as much or more of a disadvantage at top universities than white students. African American, Latino and nationalities outside of India and Asia are typically the ones given an advantage in college admissions. At private elites, other hooks and factors like being connected, a major donor, legacy, Type A personality, major leadership EC and other subjective stuff may all count more than being at the top of objective academic rankings. At least based on our experience with our children, their friends and other reports of those admitted and receiving “merit” awards.

  12. I am in the same situation as your son except I am 18. Recently, I have been getting letters from schools telling me if I was accepted or denied. The one that REALLY struck a nerve was being denied from the main campus of the University of Connecticut. I have a 1300 SAT score, 3.2 gpa and a whole list of extracurriculars. I am not a perfect student as clearly shown with the 3.2 gpa, but I was sure I could manage to get in. Anyways, someone in my class, a Mexican kid with a 1100 SAT score and a 2.5 gpa with no extracurriculars got into the main UCONN campus. I was accepted into a lesser campus with no dorms, and am able to transfer to the main campus if I meet a certain criteria after a semester. Because I’m spiteful, I refuse to do this. I will not give money my family and I have saved up for years to an institution that pulls that off.

    • My son also comes from a white middle class family. We have no debt except a short mortgage. We worked our asses off, paid our bills and saved for kids’ college. My son has a 4.3/3.8 weighted/unweighted GPA, got 1390 on SAT, 26 on ACT, was an audio/video tech for our church, was on a year round swim team, coached summer swim team, and gave swimming lessons to children. NCSU, our local university is the only school he has ever wanted to go to and he made sure that he far exceeded their requirements. First he was deferred, then he was wait listed. BUT two of his minority friends with lesser grades and scores but same socioeconomic backgrounds were accepted outright. To be sure these are apples to apples comparisons I’ll add that 1 friend was applying with a more competitive choice of majors (which makes it worse) and the other friend had a major choice comparable to my son’s.
      We can discuss the black applicants that don’t even get the opportunities to apply for certain jobs because rich daddies already set it up behind the scenes but the truth is that the white male and female applicants also lose in this situation. Face it, nepotism is alive and well in our country and really not going anywhere but has little to do with race and everything to do with connections. We are always going to find unfair situations such as these but we are too quick to label them as racist when many are not. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying that this is ok. It’s not but we are creating our own divided country when we incorrectly label people as racist when many are simply nepotistic assholes. Then we strive to placate those who are offended when they have no reason to be and we overcompensate by holding some people back and giving more opportunities to possibly less qualified applicants. What’s that saying about two wrongs? They will never be right. How is this ever going to end well?

      • When a white male gets rejected either by a college or a job to the left wing nuts this is social justice and they celebrate it, its not going to end well for everyone, take a look at the violence recently in the U.S.

        • This is the problem with white males. They have had the upper hand for so long that they are not used to losing out and they are poor sports. They are also lacking empathy in some cases. The feeling that the original poster stated is what minorities of high caliber were feeling for decades before affirmative action. Now, the tide has turned to try to make up for the years of bias in education, but the difference is white men can still eat where they want, shop without security guards trailing them, drive without getting stopped because they “fit the description” or fear getting shot during a traffic stop. Being of mixed race, I think both sides need to stop complaining and accept life isn’t always fair. Work together to better things, but stop whining. It’s unbecoming. The pendulum swings. White men in menial jobs still make higher wages than minorities. White men are usually the CEOs. I sympathize with white students, and realize it seems unjust they must pay for the decades of privilege that proceed them, but then I read statements where the poster feels he is penalized for living correctly, implying that those who can’t keep up a mortgage are making bad choices. That is just an ignorant statement, and after reading it, it wiped away any empathy I originally felt. The writer sounds like a male Karen.

          • Rediculeous comments. ~ Students should go to schools that they can be successful in. It shouldn’t be based on any sort of qualifiers they have no control over. Life is not equitable. You may get crappy parents, you may be born in a Third World country, you may be better looking than somebody, your parents may be alcoholics, you may have a family history of depression or some other underlying condition. You may be tall or short, smart, clever, athletic – whatever it doesn’t matter. America doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be a success it just offers the opportunity. We all have to rise and fall on her own so at some point.

  13. Amazing article. It’s very sad. I’m not male, but I am white. This concerns me so much as i’m trying to get into college, but having the same problem.

    Also, can I ask, were you referring to Northwestern in Minnesota? If so, it’s very odd your son didn’t get in because I got a 30 on my ACT and a 3.8 GPA (much lower than your son in both) and I even got in. Messed up.

  14. I can feel your pain. I agree with most everything you are saying. I feel it’s more of a middle class thing , than a racial or athlete thing. We are going through pretty much the exact same thing that you are. We are a Latino couple. Not poor, far from rich. Just making a little to much money for our children to get any help to go to college. I grew up in the projects. No welfare for us. My Mother worked hard to get us out. So, I have seen the struggles of those that want to succeed. Without the means to get there. I have also seen those that are happy to be on the bottom and take advantage of the broken system that we live in. I love the fact that some underprivileged kids are given a chance. The powers that be need to figure out how to give the middle class a chance. There are a bunch of different races in the middle class that are getting the short end. Not just white people. I hope your family finds a way to get him to where he wants to be. All the hard work should have a happy ending.

  15. My white middle class daughter with 2 Bachelor’s degrees (3.9 GPA)a good MCAT score, research and clinical experience can’t get into medical school! We aren’t wealthy and she is white. It’s ridiculous that lesser applicants are being admitted!!!

  16. I thought all of you Trump-loving conservatives hated college and over-educated elites. Why don’t you try Trump University? They may have room and the acceptance rates are 100% for whoever will pay.

  17. I understand how you feel. My son, who is white, will not be able to go to college. We are not poor, but are not rich. But we just can’t afford to send him, and they will say we make too much for financial aid. I wish he had the same opportunities as others.

    • it doesn’t sound like you even let him apply. He won’t go to any college if he doesn’t apply, and he won’t know what his financial aid will be unless he fills out the FASFA. Perhaps he could take a year to work and go to a local college before transferring? There are many options, but if you boy wants to go to college, and he is smart enough to succeed and choose a serious major, than I say he should find a way.

  18. 2020 here. Dealing with the same. But white girl, private school no trauma. I am straggling with what to tell her – you did everything right- but . . .

  19. Sone denied at UNC, UVA, GaTech, etc. Despite grades and scores that are in the top 10% of all their admitted students. Sports, extracuriculars great atc, Now I get the bias against out of state kids, and how it makes it very difficult to get in these schools, and I am okay with that aspect. But because he is a white suburban male with a traditional middle class suburban homelife, he had no almost no chance at these places. Someone sent him a ‘checklist’ of desirable ‘qualities’ for college admission. Eleven questions that if he answered yes to them, put him in more desirable position. He answered no to each and every one. I know better for my next guy than to bother, and the consolation to son #1 is – if these schools don’t want you because of the color of your skin, or your sex, or your family structure, or because you have a boring traditional view as to what is between your legs and how it makes you feel etc etc — do you really want to go there? Thankfully some of the less righteous universities still base decisions and financial assitance majoritally on the child’s merit, and he is thrilled where he ended up.

  20. Seeing this myself. My son is a straight white male from a middle class very responsible family. 99th percentile on SAT. Valedictorian bound. No Ivys want him.

    • Well … all these cry baby fucks can work through college with a part time job. Plenty of immigrants come to the US that were doctors in their native country but war or famine or religious or political persecution drives them to leave their country and start over. They drive a cab for 10 years just to afford to bring over one of their other family members. Then single mothers have to raise their kids well getting an education and working a full-time job. Sometimes poor life choices maybe but overall nobody deserves to have the world handed to them on a silver platter. Bust your ass, make smart life choices with your money and who you spend your time with, and work for it and you can afford just about anything in life. I got my financial money from 4 years of military service. No good reason your son can’t do the same. It will give you that extra check box when applying to various Ivy League Schools. They reserve a few spots just for Soldiers. Immigrants and poor people shouldn’t be the only people signing up to defend this nation and fight it’s battles.

      • Jay you are suggesting these people are having things handed to them “on a silver platter.” However, being involved with your respective school, holding down a job and maintaining good grades does not describe a silver platter situation at all. Also, just because you chose to go to the military doesn’t mean other people want to risk their lives. That should be fine if they don’t want to risk their life, or it may have nothing to do with them not wanting to risk their life but everything to do with the fact they have a passion for learning and higher education. Nothing wrong with that. Its small minded of you to suggest they should define hard work the same way that you do. Also, just because other people have struggled and sent money to foreign countries to family members working x amount of hours per week doesn’t mean that other people are bad because they aren’t faced with that exact situation at the moment. You seem like you hate white people. I worked at a feed mill and had natural salt burn my eyes while working in 145 degree silos. After working there for two years, I chose to go to college and get a teaching degree. I taught for five years and was then homeless while i was teaching because I could not afford the cost of living in the area. Now i make triple what I made as a teacher and I am upper middle class. I WOULD NEVER WISH WHAT I WENT THROUGH ON ANYONE ELSE. I don’t think kids who work hard and were given good opportunities should be confined in their future. That is ridiculous. The best merits should get into these schools. Not because of your race and/or poverty level. Also, this whole idea that parents are expected to help their children pay for school blows my mind. Why are parents expected to contribute? Do we want kids to be self-sufficient? Therefore all people of all races and all classes should get in to colleges based on their merits. SORRY IF one kid had a harder time growing up. Thats life! That kid is technically blessed because they will know what it takes where as the ones who were babied won’t have a clue.

        • We all want more for our children. White shaming around the world is racist. Soon it will be pointless for people to expect to come to this country to find a better life. No place is safe in the great world reset the elites have in store for us.

  21. I can’t stand the so called liberal Americans, they robbed my child of his dreams that he worked so dam hard for while gays, trans, female, non white and really stupid, who don’t go to college for a education but go to have party time. While people like my son dedicated their entire life studying 23 hr a day to earn top in the school , only to be rejected by every single University her applied to with over 346 emails in correspondences for graduatschool . All accepted where female, non American, or just not White male period if they didn’t have rich parents paying off the admissions office just as we heard on the media. This is friggin heartbreaking. He’s now suicidal because of the liberal agenda. They say it’s wrong to let a good mind go to waste, accept in America. America just killed one of it’s best. And I Hate them for it.

    • I feel your pain and am dealing with the same thing. My son has worked his butt off and only ever wanted to go to NCSU. He painted wolf logos (mascot) all over his walls when he was 12. He was researching the admissions requirements before he ever started high school and focused all his attention on far exceeding them so that he was sure to be admitted. He has a 3.8/4.3 unweighted/weighted GPA, has taken all honors courses, 5 AP courses, got a 1390 SAT score, 26 ACT score, is on a year round swim team, volunteers doing audio/video for church, coaches kid’s swim team, and gives swimming lessons. First he got deferred and then he got wait listed. All that isn’t good enough for NCSU? Seriously?!?! I mean, it’s a good school but it’s not Harvard, Yale, Stanford or any other Ivy League school. It’s NCSU. He refused to even apply to any other schools. After being deferred he was still willing to go with his second choice of majors (1sr engineering, 2nd business) and reapply for his first choice once he got there. All of those credentials aren’t good enough for NCSU business school?!?! Of course they are. But he’s a heterosexual, Christian, white, male from a two parent family with no trauma or abuse.
      THAT’S what’s kept him out. He’s heartbroken and wants to throw away all of his NCSU clothes which make up half his wardrobe.
      I feel your pain. I think your situation sounds worse than ours as you received multiple rejection letters but that validation doesn’t help a mother who’s watching her child’s dream get crushed, not because he didn’t work hard enough but because he’s not a minority, poor, gay, transsexual…
      Many minorities have responded to these complaints with the argument that they have been rejected for these opportunities because of their skin color throughout our history. So that makes this right? That certainly doesn’t happen anymore. They are given special consideration. So hearing that argument I would have to ask, do they want equality or revenge? I’m guessing revenge and it’s working out well for them because my kid is absolutely crushed as is yours.

      • Oh, to top it off, my son is also a legacy. My husband and I both went to NCSU.
        I will pray for your son to find peace and find his perfect place.

  22. I feel your pain. My son was just accepted to a technology school in Massachusetts. So were two of his fellow classmates. He received a merit scholarship of $16k. His class rank is higher than the other two (#4 in his class) and his SAT scores were higher. His classmates received $27k and $26.5k as merit. Doesn’t make sense other than the $27k went to a female and the $26.5k went to an African American. So his questions are 1. Why do I have to pay $44k more when I did better and 2. is this somewhere I really want to go to if the school is not incentivizing the smartest students.

    • LovingParent there is hope! My child received their first merit award, a $2500 research grant finally as an upperclassman in college. In HS 4.7 GPA and perfect ACT and SAT2 scores but no “academic merit” scholarship offers. In college perfect grades so far. We are thankful for admission to Berkeley but even at in-state tuition it is a financial burden for teachers salary living in the area mostly due to housing costs. To make ends meet, our kid tutors the kids who are getting free tuition or full rides for athletics, diversity or low income so they can maintain the 2.5 or other low GPA they need to attend for free! Also the kids with far lower academic stats but had legacy or type-A personalities or leadership or something admissions thought was more important than being able to succeed academically at an elite college so they got large “academic” merit awards. We do appreciate the recognition for some outstanding research with a small grant so we are very happy for that. The fun part was that it sounds like it may negate all or part of the $2000 he received on a state run middle class scholarship program, the only other aid we qualified.

      We now know from the tutoring that many of these free degrees will be wasted on minimum wage jobs while many students who should have earned at least some merit money for academic excellence will be saddled with debt. We sure hope grad schools don’t play this same game giving priority to hooks and other stuff outside of academics rather than grades and research and recommendations.

  23. Poor Kids don’t have it any better. Don’t you think my parents would have loved to send me off to college. My parents worked two jobs each just to put food on the table. I never played sports or did extra Curricular activities. The only thing I heard my entire life is “WE CAN’T AFFORD IT”. When I Took Choir in HS all Concerts were MANDATORY. So rather than get into a heated argument with my parents I walked the 8 miles from my house to School and back. I feel sorry for your family and your son. You provided him with excellent opportunities. Opportunities for families who live below the poverty line are not able to give their children. Out of all children born into poverty only 16% Go on to earn twice the income of their parents. So that leaves the other 84% who will not be able to get out of poverty. The 16% that do have exceptional Skills or iq’s well above the national average. JUST REMEMBER there is always someone who will read your rant and just break down in angry tears.

    • Sorry I left an incomplete thought. Just remember there is always someone who has it worse than you do. But Your anger and Frustration is understandable.

    • It’s a sad fact that poverty exists and some kids are going to miss out on opportunities that others take for granted. I didn’t get to do much of what other kids did but my mother kept up her mantra throughout my childhood… “life isn’t fair“. It will never be fair. So we have to ask ourselves how are we going to make things better by making them unfair in simply a different direction? Why is it someone else’s responsibility to sacrifice anything because I was born with less? Another student may have had more opportunities than I did but may have worked just as hard. So is it their job to give up some of what they’ve worked for and step aside so that I could have more? That’s just as unfair.
      Yeah, it sucked when I watched other kids do things that we did not have the money for but it’s no one else’s job to make life fair for me. If another student did better than I did, aside from cheating it doesn’t really matter if they had help from supportive family or tutors … I don’t deserve to take any tiny piece of what anyone else has worked hard for just because, through no fault of their own they grew up with more money/opportunities. Labeling myself as a victim is going to do absolutely nothing for me except make me a very angry person. Do you like to break down in angry tears bc someone else has more than you do and therefore a different perspective? Because those people will always be there and you will simply become increasingly angry. Why not feel a little sorry for them in comparison?You worked harder for the same things and that builds character. You are better for it and are in a position to appreciate things more. A little smug superiority wouldn’t hurt.

  24. I think you should look at the acceptance rate on the schools you son applied for. They are not easy schools to get into. They are very cut throat and lets face it, if you are not wealthy, wont get in. also the matter of minorities. I call the BS on that. Most minorities dont get into these school. The ones that are in there for a sport only got in there for that purpose, because any other time they would have been denied, even with the best of scores. As far as scholarships, i call bs on that also. I went to UNC.. I come from a mother and father home, parents worked and owned there home. My parents had 4 kids. I got no SCHOLARSHIP!! Most minorities cant go because there is no money. I was blessed with a great mom, with great credit who took out a loan to pay for it. back to the subject at hand. Sorry, but the acceptance rate are those schools are low. There are hundreds of great college out there. he had to set his site some where else and the scholarship money it out there, you just have to go and find it. My last thought. I disagree with you statement, it makes you seems racist.

    • The point he was making has been proven by your post. You went to UNC and so did I. Judging by your writing skills, you probably should not have gotten in to UNC. Getting into UNC or any other good academic school should be merit based. You shouldn’t be getting in based on your sex or the color of your skin but that’s exactly what’s happening today. My son had almost a perfect score in math on the SAT and was well above average in the reading comprehension of the exam and had a 4.67 gpa taking many AP classes. His scores showed that he was in the top 25% of last year’s incoming freshman at UNC yet he didn’t get in. NAVI listed UNC as a safe choice for him and his reach schools were Harvard, Yale, Dartmouth, and Duke.! He then finds out that 3 of his friends who are all black scored several hundred points lower than him on the SAT and had grades nowhere near his but all got in to UNC. You can play the race card all you want but from my view this is reverse discrimination on the part of UNC and nothing but good old fashioned racism when you get right down to it. They are judging students on something they can’t control, skin color. If that’s not racism, I don’t know what is.

      America is dumbing down our education system and punishing those who do the right thing. If we keep subsidizing irresponsibility, then we shouldn’t expect this to get better until people stand up against this type of racism. They are discriminating based on skin color, sex, or socio economic background. It’s disgusting behavior. If you can’t see that this is racism, then you need to take a long look in the mirror and check your BLACK privilege because you most certainly have it. This is disgusting and makes me want to puke. My son shouldn’t be punished for something he can’t control.

      • Perfectly stated!
        I have an idea. Students each have an ID number to use when applying to colleges. Applications will have no names, no addresses or any other information giving any clues to color, creed, or socioeconomic background. That’s the only way that they could truly be merit based. And that’s the only real, true way to be fair… because allowing compensations for injustices will never, EVER be agreed upon by all. Each person will see his/her life journey as more arduous and therefore more deserving than another’s. That is exactly why solely merit based consideration, while still considered unfair by many, is the least unfair of any other option.

      • I feel sorry for people like you all who do not understand the stressful situations many of these students have to overcome. While your son made a great ACT score, many of these students had other responsibilities they had to take on as well. They didn’t have the privilege to spend hours studying, but they still did well. Maybe if they did, they would do a lot better. Although, you did mention inequality, and it comes into play here. No, not for your son. Their scores may not have been as high; however, they showed they could overcome adversity to accomplish what they have.

        Many merit scholarships have written portions in the common application nowadays. If your kid does not touch them through their essay, they probably won’t get a merit scholarship. Furthermore, they probably aren’t good writers; tell them to pick up a good book or take some time to write a good essay. It doesn’t have to be through adversity; as long as they show they have overcome something or tried to make a difference in their community, they should be fine. That is what makes well-rounded college students – people who have had to face challenges and shown they can overcome them. Moreover, if you, in fact, understood the adversities others have faced and acknowledged them, maybe you wouldn’t be in this position.

        With merit scholarships, many prestigious ones also have interviews. Through this, the committee will see if they want someone like your son. If your son does not show his motivation and desire to make a change in whatever he is majoring in, then he probably won’t get it.

        Seriously, irresponsibility, and then you mention black privilege. Do you not see the prejudice in your statement. No, you don’t because you’ve been blessed with opportunities, and you can’t even see it. You are naive to your privilege.

        Wow, you went to UNC? That’s quite remarkable; did you do it the right way? Judging by your lack of understanding, you probably should not have gotten in. Additionally, scores don’t make you a better person or more important than someone else, experiences do. Wisdom does, and wisdom comes from experience. You may have a college education, but you have made it clear you lack wisdom.

        Sometimes, I just laugh at the fact that I’m only nineteen, and I’ve experienced more and understand more than many older white Americans. If you take the time to talk to these people you despise, maybe you could learn a little something. Good luck to you all; I hope one day you will understand.

        • Linda,
          Come back when you have learned to draw your own conclusions and not just give a lecture from your store of received wisdom.

        • I am a young black conservative female. I am about to head off to college next year and I have read nothing in joe’s statement that was prejudice. The problem in America Is that everyone has an argument and the left hates listening to the other side. To be black in America in 2020 is a blessing. I have every single opportunity that everyone else has, I am not going to blame white people for my bad choices in life. To keep blaming white people for our bad decisions is just BS and black people need to get over it and start taking some accountability. We have all the resources and opportunities we need to succeed. Why are we acting like racism is an issue when the real issue is a lack of responsibility. What white people do today has nothing to do with black people. I have learned to work hard for the things I want and being black has nothing to do with my failures. Yes, life may be hard for people, but whose fault is that? Not white people. Truth hurts, and just cause it hurts your feelings doesn’t make it not true.

          • Congratulations Kid!! You give us all hope. Many blessings to you at college and beyond!

  25. You are exactly right and have every right to whine. Not that it will do any good but it seems to work for minorities so go for it. Whoever that comedian is, is so out of touch to think that you or your son has any privilege whatsoever. If anything, it’s the opposite. These people are living 50 years in the past.

  26. His scores and GPA are not high enough to get into most those schools in the first place. A quick google search can tell you that. His ethnicity and gender played no role in not getting into those schools because he would have not gotten into them or barely scratched by for some of them.

    • My son was denied at Vanderbilt and Northwestern. I know they are hard schools to get into. The problem I have is a girl in his class got into Northwestern. She not only got in, but received a full ride scholarship. My son could not even get accepted to that school. Son has a 4.0 unweighted GPA, 34 ACT, 4 year varsity sports, community service etc etc. He also did all this with having to deal everyday with his Tourette’s. My son knows the girl did not have his GPA or ACT scores.

  27. White male here. As far as my opinion goes, I’m not really on either side. I am of the view that if society makes it hard for you, you just need to go out of your way to force them to recognize you. That’s why I have a 3.97 college GPA after 3 years of doing a Civil Engineering Major. Its so that regardless of who you are- you wont be able to merely dismiss me for a reason as stupid as demographics.

    As vanilla ice once said, “Anything less than the best is a felony”

    • But not everyone can be the best. So the rest have to struggle for the top tier. The problem is those top spots are being given to some for reasons other than merit.

  28. I hate to say it but you might as well not bother sending him to college. It won’t get any easier once he graduates unless we change the way we handle diversity hiring in this country. Even after graduating with a masters degree, Im apparently not qualified for any job besides bagging groceries due to my skin color/sex. You might as well teach him to accept that a trade like electrician or plumber is his best bet. Something where your work stands for itself and doesn’t rely so much on politics.

  29. It’s not just males, my daughter is dealing with the same thing. 4.0 32 on her ACT and she’s just trying to go to a state school. She applied to the honor program / which is a full ride scholarship, but will most likely be excluded due to her middle class whiteness. One of her male friends, was trying to get on to the tennis team at this school, and was told they were giving no positions to American /caucasion kids. This is a school in the south, not a giant urban city. We can’t afford any private or ivy league schools so we didn’t even try. This has been happening for years, when I graduated over 20 years ago one of my best friends got a full ride scholarship and entrance to an elite engineering program, because they needed more “black” kids. True story. He’s the one who told me.

  30. I agree with everything above. I also think that going to university is now a waste of time and money. Save up money for your kids, and use it to help them buy a house! Everyone needs a place to live. Nobody needs a degree. If you need information, just look it up on wikipedia. That’s what everyone does anyway, graduate or not.

  31. I just have to say I am going thru this exact thing at this moment. It is breaking my heart to a point that I wish my son could say he grew up in a alcoholic and drugged riddled abusive house to take away that he is white and middle class. I wished I hadn’t worried about fiscal responsibility when my friends blew it as they earned it.

    When had it been a crime that all groups that I identify in a certain way can cry over their struggles but God forbid a white person say a word, because it is assumed just because they are white they have no idea issues.

  32. College admissions are a big problem. Take out race and look at the numbers, a lot of colleges admissions, especially the Ivy’s are less than 10% middle class admission, despite ethnicity and sex.

  33. I believe white males are at a huge disadvantage these days. If you want to make a change, get rid of your tv, encourage others to do the same and don’t give ratings. Everything is based on ratings. If the majority doesn’t watch and play into this whole thing then they lose their base….white males.

  34. *Made an error in that last post..

    Well put through and through. Agree with it all and dare speak out and you’re labeled that magic word “Racist”. Top white families who sold us all down the river or maybe corrupt politicians screwed us all over. Can’t even get a proper scholarship to really attend that school you want to go to. All community college gave me was 40K of school debt thanks to the STUPID prereqs you need. Gee, Reading 110 to take Reading 115. There was nothing different honestly with either. It’s a money making scheme and the reason they allow open door migration now and this racist affirmative action doctrine is to make the rich bastards look good and keep their families going for the next several generations.

  35. Well put through and through. Agree with it all and dare speak out and you’re labeled that magic word “Racist”. Top white families who sold us all down the river or maybe corrupt politicians screwed us all over. Can’t even get a proper scholarship to really attend that school you want to go to. All community college gave me was 40K of school debt thanks to the STUPID prereqs you need. Gee, Reading 110 to take Reading 115. There was nothing different honestly with either. It’s a money making scheme and the reason they import non-European whites is to make the rich bastards look good and keep their families going for the next several generations.

  36. Honestly I don’t think it’s so much color as say other factors. Males in general get a tougher road unless some key factors are in place. What can you do for their institution? Are you an athlete no matter your race? Are you one of the new more relevant minorities (LGBT…..) “dreamers” they bring “good press” to their university and that in no way is bad on the students part. Get in where you fit in. Single mothers, handicapable, and black for men at least are old news. If you are a hard working male and did everything right in school and want the opportunity……. trade school is the way to go. Local technical college, online university, etc. You will find yourself in the workforce making more money than a high number of elite college grads. Oh and you won’t be paying $100k+ interest in loans. Ladies that goes for you too. Welders, electricians, make great money. If the “big” institutions don’t want your kid then eff em.

  37. I understand every aspect of every thing you are saying. There is no way to make you feel better about what seems to be a its core an unfair situation. That said, I must point out that approxmatly 80% of the male population accepted in these schools are exactly like your son. I also want to mention in many /most cases as a black male with a 4.3 and maybe even a somewhat affluent Lifestyle you are approximately “80%” less likely to get into any of these colleges And/or some slightly prestigious state colleges. It is true you are seeing higher enrollment from minorities, those Damn handicapped people and women. It is not true that your families ability to attend any of these prestigious colleges has been deminished by any of the above. Now in case that does not lighten your anxiety . One might note that for a minority, disabled or female to be in a position with a 4.3 ( like my daughter) the hurdles they have overcome might warrant some special considerations. I mean for 300 years or so minorities were banned from reading. Disabled people were taught at all and women . Well let’s just say they were have been and continue to be treated as property that has no need for higher education” especially if they are pretty. So in short with no malice I say. Let it out . Your personal pain for your child is real , but please consider that although pain and dissapointment are relative and relatively true. Factual statistics make your arguement a falacy at best.

  38. I can so relate to this article ,as a white guy in college. From Fafsa ,to scholarships , to tutoring services that are discriminatory ,and based on you being dead poor and or with a disability . I was penalized throughout my college ,and high school journey ,as well getting ready for college, all based on what my dad made to better himself. So I can relate. It’s a broken system . It truly is. Yes, it sucks to be a white male. And your not suppose to complain . Because America is for you, but yet it really isn’t. It’s for every color and other nationality ,but white male . Truly.

    • Another racist reply from someone who has no understanding of their own actual privilege with nothing but condescension and belittling. Don’t tell me about what happened 300 years ago. I wasn’t alive back then and I’m not responsible for what people did that may have the same skin color as me. That is ridiculous. My ancestors were poor and did what they could to get by. I’m tired of hearing this crap. We all have American privilege and have plenty of opportunities so stop with your three hundred years ago crap. You can act like you don’t have advantages for your daughter but trust me she has lots of advantages that my kids won’t get because they are the wrong color. My kids should not be punished because of something they can’t control. And if we want to talk about what happened 300 years ago, you do realize the word slave came from the word slav? You see, the Slavs were white and were enslaved. If we were to talk about slaves throughout history, over half the world has ancestors that have been enslaved and the majority of those have been White so please spare me your sob story about 300 years ago. Slavery was commonplace 300 years ago throughout the world. The West was the first to condemn it and stop it.

      If you are so worried about slavery, then you should be on the other side of the world fighting for those that are being enslaved right this second because that is actually happening. I’m guessing you won’t be leaving anytime soon because that doesn’t suit your agenda.

      Factual statistics suggest your comments are nothing but pure fallacy.

      • What happened to black people 300 years ago still affects them today. Its not just a sob story. Take a sociology or psychology class.

        Just like black people feel the after effects of the trauma experienced 300 years ago white people, including your children still benefit from that., not always financially but alway socially and psychologcally .

        Someones elses analogy: The legacy of slavery has benefited every white person in this country–directly and personally. In a very gross analogy, if you run a series of foot races over 300 years but prevent 13 percent of the participants from learning how to run for 180 years and then give them concrete sneakers for another 80 years–but allow them full access for 40 years, it will take the 13 percent quite a few races to be competitive because the other 87 percent advanced their skills by practice and repetition.

        It has also been proven that white populations where there were more slaves 300 years ago are better off today, and they are better off because of their slave history.

      • Also, the west might have put a stop to it, but they never condemned it. The North might have fought against the south in the civil war to stop slavery but it wasn’t because they condemned slavery and thought black people should be free, it was because the South’s economy was growing from slavery and this was affecting the North’s economy. It was a financially based decision to end a slavery not a moral one.

  39. Remember this when you cast your votes in the future. You sound like a typical liberal whos all for, “social change” and “hate the rich”, but have only now realized that you took the liberal and left wing socialist bait, and the party you have been supporting doesn’t really care about you or your loved ones nor does it even care about the minorities that they put above others like your son. All they care about is power and control, and you ate it up when they told you that you were a victim of a rigged game that a bunch of rich white guys were running. Envy is one of the seven deadly sins and all of you who cast your votes based upon hatred and envy are going to reap what you have sown. But don’t worry, the social change will turn back around once communist have full control of our educational funding along with all other federal spending, which they pretty much do at this point. Then higher education as we know it will cease to exist and everyone will have a job selected for them from a very young age and that will be the only job they receive any training for. It’s called Communism people embrace it you voted for it!

  40. All of your “rant” is wonderful support for the need of a merit-based national public college system. Private options would still be there, but any kid, no matter the background, who has performed well, get’s covered for college. It is a great investment for the taxpayers, and a great leveling of the field.

    • LOL ! “National based “ and what altruistic non agenda driven entity is going to control this so politics dont get involved . Good luck with that !

  41. I enjoyed your article. I am in the same boat. My son has earned an Associate in General Education by the dual enrollment program while in high school. Graduating in the top ten if his class with a 4.28 possibly 4.30 GPA. While also playing football and baseball (which means he is a scholar athlete). Involved in the Dream Team which helps with Special Olympics activities usually twice a year. A member of the Honor Society his junior and senior years. All the while he can’t get any financial assistance due to he has two parents still married both work etc. It really gets under my skin and I want to bring these issues to the forefront but dont want to cause issues for my son.

    • its funny because we just had the local, county and state awards here at our school. My son applied for 14 scholarships. He got one for 500 for service to the community. We recorded all the winners on the awards night (approx 150 awards totalling 61,000. ~would you believe the winner ratio was 9 to 1 female to male!! ~ To the young men, sons of legal immigrants from wherever in the world: Do not be discouraged. Choose to be the hero of your story. ~ Your being left out does not go unnoticed by the masses who believe in you. No one can take away the hard work and achievements you have learned. Let’s show them that you don’t need their approval to be awesome! You guys already are!!

  42. I worked in an ARCH in college in the early nineties and watched the student grant and financial assistance process unfold. Moreover, I have done diligent research over the last 25 years regarding this issue because of what I witnessed taken place in our colleges. . I have first hand knowledge of what the college and grant systems had done to the average middle class white American male. Grants are scare for the middle class white American male and have been for decades. I noted and confirmed that if you are a black male/ female, Hispanic, or in general from a different country or a white American female, they could always find grants or financial assistance. But if your a white middle class American male they very seldom provide any financial assistances. In addition, its been going on for decades and grants have not increased for white American males over the decades but have declined. The man that wrote that article about white American male privilege in college is based on misleading statements using precentages to fool everyone regarding what is really going on, that is the holding back grants and college financial assistance from the middle class white male. The fact is that grants for white American male are simply in decline for college admission in America. Furthermore, continue declining. White middle class male students are absents from the college campus because there is no real grant money of financial assistance to help them ! In addition, the college professors and number crunchers are using bogus percentages and numbers to hide this fact, nevertheless it is a fact.

  43. My son is being bullied and discriminated against right now in college. He is a white kid who was raised by me alone and I did my best to help him with getting through college. He wasn’t taught to hate people because of how they look or where they come from. He is being taught that now at his college. The Fairleigh Dickinson Metro campus in New Jersey has radicals that are allowed to speak on campus to student groups and make my son, and others, feel responsible for what has happened to people in their culture. He is 21 years old and they are angry at him for things he isn’t responsible for. He has close friends from many different cultures at his school. He is not discriminative in race. He is a hard working, kind-hearted young man, working to earn his degree while he holds down a job at the same time. In many many forums on campus, radicals full of anger and hatred are allowed to speak. Students are told they can have a say but are shut down and humiliated when they have any thoughts that are not the same as the angry speaker. If anyone has a different opinion, they are cut off, interrupted, not allowed to have an opinion that is validated. There is only one way of thinking. There is no freedom of speech unless you are a protected group. Certain student groups are allowed to have “exclusive membership of one race or culture” and special rights and other groups who are inclusive are shut down in activities, awards and speaking forums. Professors, Deans, Advisors – Don’t speak up for fear of retaliation, losing their jobs, their tenure or being called racists. They are teaching all these young people that it’s okay to oppress other people and take away their freedom of speech. No one in authority invites impartiality. There is only silence and looking the other way by administrators. Everyone knows what is going on but the students rights are unprotected. Everyone is afraid. We are back in fascist Germany except now, the empowered victims have become the new bullies, the new oppressors and racists. I understand the fear any mother has when her child is put in a powerless, voiceless place where their thoughts are not even allowed. Why would people who claim to be oppressed and discriminated against want to turn around and do the same to others? It doesn’t change how they were treated in the past. It only makes them as cruel and evil as any bullies or oppressors from the past and paves a new road for hatred.

    • well said. I agree with everything you stated. It is a sad day in America. In eastern europe it took just 2 generations to wipe out religion. Here in the US, unfortunately, it took 2 generations to destroy the respect for culture, religions and ideas of others. A country who silences opposition is not free.

    • to a lesser extent this has also moved to high schools . my son goes to a high end high school in michigan . his hobby has always been history but he knows better than to voice his opinion in class discussions on anything based on his knowledge becaue the retaliation would not be worth it . the discussions are all one sided so the kids learn nothing about debate and critical thinking. yes its the start of the lefts Nazi culture in this country .

  44. My son is being bullied and discriminated against right now in college. He is a white kid who was raised by me alone and I did my best to help him with getting through college. He wasn’t taught to hate people because of how they look or where they come from. He is being taught that now at his college. The Fairleigh Dickinson Metro campus in New Jersey has radicals that are allowed to speak on campus to student groups and make my son, and others, feel responsible for what has happened to people in their culture. He is 21 years old and they are angry at him for things he isn’t responsible for. He has close friends from many different cultures at his school. He is not discriminative in race. He is a hard working, kind-hearted young man, working to earn his degree while he holds down a job at the same time. In many many forums on campus, radicals full of anger and hatred are allowed to speak. Students are told they can have a say but are shut down and humiliated when they have any thoughts that are not the same as the angry speaker. If anyone has a different opinion, they are cut off, interrupted, not allowed to have an opinion that is validated. There is only one way of thinking. There is no freedom of speech unless you are a protected group. Certain student groups are allowed to have “exclusive membership of one race or culture” and special rights and other groups who are inclusive are shut down in activities, awards and speaking forums. Professors, Deans, Advisors – Don’t speak up for fear of retaliation, losing their jobs, their tenure or being called racists. They are teaching all these young people that it’s okay to oppress other people and take away their freedom of speech. No one in authority invites impartiality. There is only silence and looking the other way by administrators. Everyone knows what is going on but the students rights are unprotected. Everyone is afraid. We are back in fascist Germany except now, the empowered victims have become the new bullies, the new oppressors and racists. I understand the fear any mother has when her child is put in a powerless, voiceless place where their thoughts are not even allowed. Why would people who claim to be oppressed and discriminated against want to turn around and do the same to others? They aren’t teaching any of these kids tolerance or unity. It doesn’t change how they were treated in the past. It only makes them as cruel and evil as any bullies or oppressors from the past and paves a new road for hatred.

  45. I have twins, girl and boy. The boy has just a slightly better gpa, very slight. Similar and very good ACT scores, same AP classes. My daughter has a full ride to a top notch university. The boy’s best offer was admittance to a second rate party university that he gets to pay in full. The recruitment months of this year were a telling sign. Not one letter of interest for the boy, a few per week for our daughter.

    • the cure for discrimination is more discrimination apperently . i guess at least blogs like this will prepare the next white boy to be ready for rejection. its hard to say if my son even wants to go to college now . might be a good thing .

      • Here is what all these white boys should do. I think it’s unfair how the system is broken to favour some and exclude others on skin color. All of you go to your local community college, live at home, get a part time job and come out debt free for your first two years. Then the universities will panic because there will be no whites boys applying to these four year colleges. They will then have to change their admission policies. Then transfer in to the four year universities for your last two years. I’m from Europe and students from all over the world get in on merit only. If you don’t get in there you go to another country. They don’t ask you what race you are on the admission application. You get in on a points system. All fair and square. There are tons of universities all over the world and with some good research there will be many that will give full tuition to you especially with such high academic credentials. If the American colleges don’t want white boys don’t waste your time and money applying. European universities don’t care about extracurriculars, part time jobs, volunteering and leaderships roles on your applications. They only care about your grades. You can learn and do all the other stuff while you are in college.

    • It’s so hard to watch discrimination like this. Honestly a lot of admissions departments need better oversight and new people to take over and make objective academics a higher priority. Having your child watch others with slightly or significant worsee academic resumes be rewarded with admission and merit awards due only to checking a demographic box or highly subjective factors is so difficult.

  46. Alot of angry people here. I’m one of them, unfortunately. My son did everything right and got rejected and waitlisted from every “elite” school he applied for. He did get into UCLA (full-price), UCSD (full price), UVA (grant money is a joke), U of Washington, and UNC Chapel Hill (best offer). His credentials: 36 ACT, 9 AP with all 5’s, 4,2 GPA, National Merit Finalist, NHS, three-year letterman in track and XC, All state orchestra three years running, he plays violin in three different symphony orchestras, started a club where they go play as a quartet at hospitals and nursing homes, quiz bowl, ACS award…what more does he have to do?

    He got waitlisted at Northwestern, Emory, Washu, and DArtmouth and rejected at Duke, Harvard, CMU, and USC. So now we are trying to decide whether to pay full price at UCLA for the prestige, or go to UNC or UDub for a great but cheaper education.

    What I’ve learned: If you think your kid is really smart and is going to do well in high school, do NOT move to the best school district. At my son’s school 22 kids applied to USC and 15 applied to Harvard…so, too much competition. Go to a smaller school and be the big fish. Second, music doesn’t matter. Period. None of the kids who were really into music/orchestra got into any elite schools. Shocking yes to think that none of these schools give any credit at all to kids who master an instrument. Instead, they are all about yearbook and newspaper, and debate. My child did not have time for any of that because he was too busy being involved in MUSIC!

    Just my thoughts…

    • One of the buzz words the admissions people go by now is that “test scores correlate with income “ . so
      i guess it just proves your rich is your kid gets hig test scores. so he needs to be held back .

    • Mike, we had a very similar situation. Objectivity and fairness are out the window for the most academically gifted students. Instead, like you said, they have quotas depending on how many applicants from your high school, your race, sex, income, or whether you are outgoing enough, a captain of a team, a legacy, etc.

      I wonder how many of the highest performing academic students get free tuition or full ride merit scholarships vs. the number of kids who get them for athletics or other reasons? I bet it’s less than 1 out of 100 at many D1 universities. Can you imagine the outrage if athletic scholarships had similar quotas or subjective factors not related to athletic performance, instead of being offered to the best athletes?

      Given that these public flagships and elite private schools are institutions of higher learning and academics, it seems twisted that many of the smartest kids pay full price despite having worked their asses off on academics in high school. Then they see those who slacked off on academics get into top schools and get big scholarships for other reasons totally unrelated to academics.

      Funny thing I read recently, some people are now suing universities because many scholarships especially in STEM are limited to women. Apparently the same Title IX law that opened up athletic scholarships to women also apply equally to academic scholarships being available to men.

        • Heidi I don’t know about high school programs, but based on our experience it sure seems like the same subjective factors, hooks and quotas may well apply government funded NSF REU summer programs for undergraduates.

  47. My son, 3.97 GPA, 8 APs, 1420 GPA (650V, 770M), multiple awards, founded a charity which raised $11,000 for wildlife preservation, 6 varsity letters, solo captain of one sport, 6 foot 5 and kind, has been denied or wait-listed at 12 colleges with acceptance rates ranging from 3 to 33%, including two colleges at which he is a legacy. Has gotten in to two colleges, with acceptance rates of 55% and 66% respectively. For each of those colleges, his stats place him WELL above the 75th percentile.

    So, now I know: If your son is white, male, and not being recruited by colleges on the basis of sports, instrument needed for orchestra, underrepresented minority, or you donated a building, do not bother to apply unless he is in the UPPER QUARTILE for qualifications. It is a waste of your money and a waste of your son’s self-esteem.

    Employers will figure this out. Don’t worry.

  48. Reality check here people! Affirmative action was first signed into law by JFK in 1961. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 made it illegal to discriminate against students and college applicants on the basis of race or gender (care to challenge that, parents of white males?). Now I was born in the early 60’s and my white kids are currently in high school. Both myself & my ex are middle class and while we put around $25K into each 529 plan, we told our kids from day 1 to work hard in school, get good grades and strive for high ACT/SAT scores, but know that less than perfect and you’re not going to an Ivy League or top sci-tech school like MIT, nor will you be getting any grants or scholarships. First out the door will be my 17 yr old son who has to go to local midwest University 1 hour per day during 12th grade to take Calculus III followed by Differential Equations, because he’s already maxed out of all of the AP Calculus classes the high school had to offer in 11th grade, also finishing up most of the AP classes the school offers at end of 11th grade, is bi-lingual, participates in a top high school show choir that is very demanding of time, while also working part time. He’s brilliant, pulls well above the 4.0 gpa, but he already knows that Mom & Dad aren’t paying for college beyond the 529’s and he is resolving that he will just go to local college and can worry about a more “elite” experience upon pursuing a graduate degree. Smart kid! A college degree may open the door, but it’s what you do after you get your foot in that makes the difference. My IQ borders 140 and I made it in a $140K job with 2 yrs of community college and no degree, now retired with decent pension. Ex still works a low 6-figure job. So my son knows he can apply all he wants, but there won’t be any scholarships or grants for him. He will work and get loans as needed. But here is where smarts come in, when I had a health scare a couple of years ago, I didn’t look for the Harvard Dr., I looked for the most talented and well respected with the best outcomes. The elite schools may pack in the most needy, the most athletic and the most legacy students, but when it comes time to have someone cut into you, are you going to look at the paper on the wall or the actual successes, skills and abilities? Like I said, I’ve been around since the early 60’s, I’m smart enough to know that the truly brilliant will shine and that the Ivy Leagues and elite colleges that are filling up more of their seats with non-merit based students will ultimately be turning out non-merit based employees. That’s why the avg. salary of the elite colleges is no more than $90K. The smart employers already know to look for the sharp cookies coming out of state universities, they actively head hunt and they snap up the high IQ’s with the high GPA’s in the fields they need to make their businesses prosper. The smart kids study for the high paying jobs or the knowledge needed to become entrepreneurs. Those who go on to Graduate Degrees have better shots at getting financial help after they’ve lived on their own and proven themselves in undergrad programs or through an employer in certain fields. Now I could say that all of the young adults out there today saddled with student debt are also the adults who can make the changes necessary for all children to go to college based on merit, but we all know that’s not going to happen, as this has been going on for more than 1/2 a century and the last 2 or 3 generations haven’t fixed it, so why would the millennials? A lot of them are hoping to get their kids in on an athletic scholarship. There will be whining, kicking, screaming and some bankruptcies and then the status quo. So unless you’re one of the “privileged class” that can get the scholarships or pay for school with pocket change, quit setting up your children for disappointment, by telling them to work hard to get into an Ivy League. I believe there was a time in the past when the sole purpose of university was to gain knowledge; nowadays it’s also athletics, partying and other activities too. Online college with in-person lab, may very well prove to be the best education as students are actually “there” only to learn. Tell them to work hard, because it is an important life skill that will serve them well, do the best you can to stay out of debt or at least keep it manageable until paid off, pay yourself first, do not carry credit card debt, do not buy a car you can’t pay cash for and one day you’ll be like your old (insert self here) (me-happily divorced mom with a 5000 sq ft house overlooking a lake with well-stocked 7-figure 401K and 3 vehicles in the garage, who’s not dumb enough to go into ridiculous debt for a piece of paper for her kids wall). So for the middle class who are complaining, but not fixing the problem, the point being work hard, avoid debt, carry health insurance (because nothing can destroy a nest egg faster than medical bills) and always pay yourself first!

  49. I am a while male, but I can personally say this is really nothing new. I was raised by a single mother, I did not have stellar grades in school. I started college in 1978 and realized two things, 1) I was not ready and 2) I could not afford it. I was a small state college in the Midwest. The financial aid office could not assist me with the first one, but the second one they told me I did not qualify for any of the programs, other than a Pell Grant.

    So I became a drop out, joined the military and went to college while in the military. Since it was post Viet Nam, we qualified for a very small education program ($8100 total). I went to college in the military, had four classes left when my last reenlistment was up. So I went to college to finish those classes. I was having a hard time making ends meet, so I went down to financial aid and other agencies to see if they could assist with food, nothing else. I was told since I was a man, with no dependents, I qualified for nothing. so I told where they could put their lack of financial aid, and got a part time job.

    So please do not think this is something new, it has been happening for years. BTW, this was in 1993. I really am worries about my grandsons and what they are going to face in the future.

    From what I’ve been reading, men attending college is down. In this report, women make up 56% of college attendees.

  50. My son took a ‘gap year’ after graduating high school in 2018, to become a resident in KY, so he could get in state tuition to his dream college–South Carolina (they have a tuition reciprocity program). With a 3.9 GPA and 28 ACT, he was awarded no scholarship funds; and now, he can’t get any scholarship funds because he now getting resident tuition. He has actually decided to become an OH resident again and go to Ohio University–he did receive some scholarship money there (not much, but some).

    What I have a problem with, is that I personally know students who graduated high school with a 2.0 GPA and scored lower than a 20 on the ACT, but received complete tuition paid for because their parents aren’t married, and neither work. Yes, these students NOW have to maintain some sort of minimum GPA in order to keep their tuition being paid for, but why wasn’t there some skin in the game beforehand? Why isn’t there some skin in the game after they graduate? They should be responsible for 5% or 10% of their tuition bill–my son will be responsible for 100% of his student loans–around $100k. What college graduate can afford $800-900/month even 6 months after graduating? My husband & I will help him as much as we can (hell, we are still paying back our student loans). My husband & I went through many years of either unemployment or very lean times and were not able to contribute to a 529 account while he was young. Now, according to the government, we make too much money, and our family contribution is supposed to be what the tuition is. Because we are supporting ourselves and our our child, he is being punished. When he was originally planning to be a KY resident and go to South Carolina, what also sucked? For student loan purposes, he was considered a dependent student (even though we weren’t going to be able to claim him on our taxes any longer) and mine & mine husband’s income would continue to be used for our son’s student loan purposes until he’s 21. There is a huge flaw in this design! My son is foaming at the mouth to go to school–was irritated as can be to sit this year out, and yet, he still hasn’t been able to get much scholarship funds. My son knew from age 7 what college he wanted to attend; he knew starting in grade 6 or 7 what major he was going into…he knew in his freshman year he was going to graduate with an honors diploma (which he did). There needs to be an overhaul of the education and financial aid process…it’s completely ridiculous!

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  52. My son is African American, has most of the credentials if not more so than the ones others have described on this thread. On top of his academic successes, he is also an athlete, bass player and has 200+ volunteer hours. He is also disabled. He does not qualify for any scholarships and/or financial aid because his dad (retired military) and I (librarian) make too much money. And if white people are being denied from college campuses, how do you explain the white majority overwhelmingly on college campuses. Stop blaming minorities because your kid didn’t get into their Ivy League school.

    • With your income, I am not surprised your boy did not qualify for scholarships since most seem to be need based, but with his impressive credentials, I would be surprised if he did not get into the school of his choice. It wasn’t that long ago when it was mostly white men attending colleges. Thank goodness ow all curious minded individuals are attending. The population has increased dramaticalky in the last 100 years, but the reason a campus has a lot of white people is population humbers as well as legacy students (all white).

      I get queezy when I hear the different boxes these universities try to put our children in, but they are building a community and running a business. The fact is a white male studying engineering for example are a dime a dozen! In this case, girls and others would have a better ahot at acceptance.

      Anyway, your son sounds like a remarkable young man. I’m sure he will be successful no matter where he lands!

    • You aren’t listening. He said for the majority, and it’s true. And it’s less about race than it is income. What it comes down to is most middle class cannot afford college. And, yes, there ARE exceptions for African Americans, because my daughter goes to school with one family where she is a teacher and he is retired military and all 4 of their boys got full scholarships to Yale all because of their skin color. Facts don’t lie.

    • When Asians and whites have to score several hundred points higher to equalize the same SAT score for an African-American, it’s not right. That’s racism. You cannot judge people based on the color of their skin. That is wrong. It was wrong 100 years ago and it is wrong today. People are getting into school based on the color of their skin and people are being rejected based on the color of their skin. I know firsthand because I’m seeing it with my own eyes. There are kids that are black that are scoring several hundred points lower than my son and getting into the same school that he did not get into. He had better test scores and better grades and his scores placed him in the top 25% of incoming freshmen at the school that he did not get into. The African American kids were at the very bottom of the scores but they got in. It’s just wrong. It should not be based on the color of your skin. It should be based on merit. I don’t even think the application should State whether the person is male or female. I think it should state the GPA and the AP classes taken & the SAT score and call it a day. If you can’t get in based on merit, you shouldn’t get in. I don’t care what color you are or what sex you are. It should be merit-based.

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  55. I enjoyed this discussion thread, you all have great points. I found it interesting there was lots of Duke chatter, I worked hard years ago when I was in high school in hopes of going to Duke but wasn’t accepted and therefore wasn’t charged their exorbitant tuition. Hasn’t hurt me one bit. Instead, I went to a state school, worked hard and graduated top of my class, and enjoyed myself. I finished college in 4 years with a double major that has served me very well. I graduated without debt, and used my remaining college money to put a downpayment on the red sports car I wanted. Now I have a son going to college soon. He is intelligent and wise but grades aren’t his thing so we can’t even apply for scholarships for a 3.0 GPA. I have learned so much from him though, as our family has been seriously affected by his twin brother’s disability. My view on “what’s important”, and “what success means”, is totally different from before I had kids. Fortunately, my parents didn’t push me toward Ivy League schools and I saw no need to push my son that way either. Still, I got my masters from a “big name school” but I don’t think that made it a better education, I was just checking the box for Masters Degree for my resume. I think often of these ‘average grade’ students who grow up to start corporations like Microsoft and Apple, without even completing college. I think a college degree is an important ‘box’ to be checked for my son’s career interest, but I honestly don’t think it ultimately matters in the long run which school he goes to to get it, as far as the education goes. Fortunately, we live near a good school that offers the major he is interested in, and he is extremely practical, willing to live at home and graduate without debt if possible. Having read this thread I’m seriously thinking of having him stop filling out all these scholarship applications which we have been doing for several days now. I’m imagining a million other parents and children looking at the same scholarships we are on only 1-10 of each will be awarded. LOL. It wasn’t until I went to a FAFSA information session that I learned how broken that process was, dinging people for their income and savings/investments, but not taking into account the expenses the family may be incurring on a regular basis or the fact they need a good size nest egg for a needy dependent long term. What math genius came up that that plan? My son is focused on getting a good education and job so he can be able to care for his brother’s needs when we are gone. I chuckled as I read the comments about scholarships going to minorities, I spent several hours researching what is a minority as we have always considered ourselves ‘white’. Turns out from my husband’s side my son could qualify for a minority but he is not comfortable going that route. If you haven’t go see the definition of ‘race’, ‘ethnicity’, and ‘minority’ as defined by the Census Bureau. We are just a huge melting pot here in America and nearly everybody has some heritage that could make them a minority, and it seems to me that minority status is basically which social groups you relate to that makes you a minority or not. Many Hispanic people look “white” and its only their surname that indicates Hispanic roots. I read somewhere that in the not too distant future the “majority” will be Hispanic. I agree with another person’s comment in this thread, I think it’s time to stop including race/ethnicity/minority as a reason for giving benefits, the financial reason alone is sufficient. Plus it is no longer PC to even notice/mention/discuss people’s race/ethnicity anymore, it just shouldn’t be a thing anymore. In my scholarship search I saw some for undocumented illegals I think they were named “Dream”. Anyway, thanks for the distraction from the scholarship hunt… I wish you all the best of luck!

  56. Ugh. Great post and timely. My white, middle-class son has 4.6gpa, 35 ACT, 15AP’s (4-5’s) and demonstrates incredible depth/passion on his college app. Ding letters started rolling in first from UChicago, then UVA and waitlisted at Michigan. Started thinking the state school may not accept him (they finally did!) as well as Univ of IL – Urbana. At my request he applied to 3 Ivy League’s, Northwestern and a couple other selective schools because who wouldn’t with those stats (he apparently knows better). Not holding my breath.

  57. My daughter’s guidance counselor, who is black, told us the truth. Whites and especially white males will find it extremely hard to get scholarships and acceptance to schools. My daughter is half Japanese. He said to NOT say she is white on applications (Only to find that applications these days are now asking biracial students what their other races are, BUT WHY??) Yes, the more I look around about how my life was growing up, there is no white privilege. It is a term used by those who cannot accept self-responsibility.

  58. Totally agree with you. I am a single mom, a teacher in Arizona, I do not make much money, my son was accepted last year to his dream college in Montana. We only qualified for $3,000.00 in financial aid. I feel like we were “punished” because I work, I pay my bills, I am a responsible parent. I am heartbroken that I can’t afford to send my child to college and he can’t get any help!

    • Not sure. I guess we collectively push back and show support for our boys. I’ve spent 17 years raising a gentleman. I refuse for him or the rest of the young men I know be told they have no value. When we deminish one, we deminish all. Stand up for our boys!

  59. I think what we will find as colleges continue to reject qualified students due to race, economic status, etc. is that the top performers will get accepted to other, less prestigious, colleges and go on to create businesses and/or innovations. These former students will then hire from their alma mater and those less prestigious colleges will overshadow the “top tier” colleges whose alumni did not go into fields that enable them to have a hiring impact. Thus, top performers will perform regardless of where they end up in college.

  60. My husband and I feel exactly the same way. We encouraged our boy to work up to his fullest potential. He’s in the top 5% of his class. He scored an 800 on the math SAT, 800 on math II subject test, a 740 on his physics (as a junior!); he played competitive hockey on two teams for four years; Played in his school’s wind ensemble and jazz club all four years; volunteered over 100 hours over his HS career; alter server his entire life, — just an unselfish athlete and student and a great kid. But, as you say, he is neither rich nor poor, he is neither black nor hispanic, he is not a female, transgender, pan gender, gender confused, or gay. What he is is a 6 foot 5 smart athlete who has a dream of becoming a chemical engineer. With eight AP courses, Recipiant of the Rensselaer Metal for excellence in the math and sciences, 1st chair All County trombone player and section leader 4 years, , captain of his travel hockey team, and nearly fluent in French after 4 yrs of classroom instruction at the highest level. We visited Cornell twice, anf got swept away – this was everything he had worked for. Then the head of the engineering department bragged about how they have 50% males and 50% females in their program. This intrigued us because when we were in college (in the 90’s) there were far more male applicants than females. When we inquired about ratio about the ratio improvement, He replied, “ no it’s still like 80/20 terms of applicants”. Our hearts sank. We applied early decision, because we knew that once they took into account legacy, female imbalance, and social/sexual diversity, as knew middle class New Yorkers – his chances were next to nothing. We are awaiting hearing back from Franklin Olin, Rice and a few others. He did receive a scholarship to his safely school Clemson, but just the same, we feel bad bacause after all the sacrifices that he made to achieve what he has, to say nothing of what we did as his parents, we should have felt confident in telling him it would all pay off. Instead we have been told time and again, you are not the preferred candidate .

  61. Sorry. But 31 on the ACT is so far from competitive that I fear you are in fantasy land. Average incoming ACT at Duke is 33. So your son is way below average for Duke. Wake up and get real. Standardized tests are a great exposure mechanism. GPA is meaningless. A valedictorian in my college engineering department had to take remedial math and and chemistry as a freshman. Recipient of grade inflation in high school. Your son will be happier and will thrive at a less competitive college.

  62. I am a current student at Boston College, and I had a similar situation with financial aid. I come from a middle class family that lives in an industrial city of about 25,000 people. My parents make around $80,000 a year together, and the cost of BC is now up to around $75,000. When I was first accepted, they wanted my family to pay $35,000 out of pocket a year, so essentially half their income. And of course they do not take into account bills, food, car payments, etc. I remember watching my mom cry because despite my having put years of work into making my dream possible, there was no way that we could swing it.

    To make a long story short, I called and debated the financial aid counselor, who consequently had no idea the average family income for a student at BC. It’s around $250,000, which is a figure considered extremely wealthy where I come from. I had to remind the person of my family’s income. Many schools and the federal government are out of touch with the lives of those who live in middle America. Sometimes you have to advocate for yourself. It has become completely out of control.

  63. Jennifer, skin color IS a factor for admissions and merit money at many schools, public and private. You don’t have to believe anyone here. Just read over the recent Harvard admissions lawsuit testimony, especially that from Harvard’s own admissions dean and staff . The academic thresholds for recruiting African and Latin American students are far lower than white and especially Asian Americans. You can bet such profiling based on race, income and nationality is not limited to Harvard or to just these groups. Look at the charts Harvard provided for actual enrollment vs. projected enrollment if academics alone were used without boosting enrollment for minority and legacy students. Also, they quote current enrollment as roughly 42% white and 8% unknown.

    Rich or poor, diverse or legacy and you’re in and maybe get money too. White or Asian and middle or upper middle class, say hello State U!

  64. Also, my friends daughter who is lily white was accepted to every institution she applied to except one. She was given federal grant money because my friend didn’t make enough money and was also awarded numerous scholarships.
    Have any of you walked around college campuses? Do you not notice a disproportionate number of white students in comparison to minorities? I have toured over 20 Northeast schools my son went to a Midwest school, every one is typically at LEAST 70% white. Please tell me where all these minorities are because I can honestly say they are NOT visible on campus OR the diversity ratings online!
    They must be hiding them somewhere!

  65. I’m sorry I have to respectfully disagree with anybody who says acceptance has to do with skin color. My son is bi-racial so from society’s perspective black. He was a 2 sport Varsity letterman and had decent grades. People told us it’d be easy for him to get into liberal New England schools and even get money. Well not only was he not accepted at ultra liberal University of VT we received zero dollars from any institution. My black husband simple makes too much! This is such a myth that institutions are falling at the feet of minorities! You have to be underprivileged and a minority not just a minority!

  66. I couldn’t have said it better! Thank you for writing this in such honesty. My 17 year old white son makes great grades, is not as involved as yours, and I’m pretty sure we make too much money for federal grants…because they don’t care about the bills going out! I pray every day for a big scholarship and cry every night with worry and fear. (Yes, I know those are contradicting actions.)

  67. I couldn’t agree with you more. I find what you say refreshing because it’s an area no one is willing to speak about during financial aid discussions. It is especially discouraging to listen to how large a school’s endowment is and how many students get assistance…just not you…because you have done all the right things. Saying this, we will push forward because we know how to work and create new opportunities for ourselves. FYI, I am a married white woman with a “top-student” daughter applying to schools, so I don’t think it’s a gender thing, nor racial, but rather a middle to upper-middle class headache.
    On a side-note, why does university education have to be so unbelievably expensive? Someone wrote earlier about federal grants/loans stoking the system enabling universities to continually raise tuition. Something to think about.

    • Obama felt everyone should be able to go to college and that costs shouldn’t be a concern so the government got into the loan business. This is why prices have skyrocketed. To make matters worse, students that borrow this money cannot default on this debt.they graduate from college and the interest starts accruing sometimes it becomes so hard that they can never pay it back but it doesn’t matter. Their credit is ruined and they cannot default on the debt. It is literally the worst possible policy ever created in regards to education. It’s no secret. Unfortunately, many liberals are good people that just have a lot of bad ideas and this is most certainly one of them. It’ss right up there with affirmative action and their new diversity score / adversity score or whatever you want to call it. I understand where they are coming from but these are bad policies that promote racism and that’s for students they can’t pay the loans back which has many unintended consequences such as low homeownership for these students after college.Everyone in this country that has kids going to college is being forced to pay for their stupidity. The only people making out in this situation are the universities. They are getting rich. It’s disgusting.

  68. Crazy… and true. My son is a high school Senior and we have been looking for scholarships since 9th grade. It isn’t looking good. I’m a single mom. I’ve worked as many as 3 jobs at once. I’m not as well off as you nor do I have the savings you have but still cannot find the help that is needed. Being white and male isn’t doing him any favors. We have attended scholarship seminars and I listen intently as the only white mother in the room… When I raise my hand and ask if white boys can apply to any of the scholarships they just sold us on – you can hear the room make a collective groan… When the answer comes back, no – it’s only for minorities and/females; the shock is evident with all but me…

  69. I would also mention to my elitist engineering coworkers that when they were fingering their boyfriends asshole while at their “prestigious” universities, I was out busting my ass on the streets everyday with EMS bringing people back to life and getting shot at for going into drug houses with the Sheriff’s Office.

  70. I completely agree with this article. I am a white, upper-middle class male who comes from a family who’s father is twice retired from both the federal and state government and has also sold a medical transportation company. When I was in public high school, I was also in an arts magnent school for music that added to my extra-circulars. When it came time to apply to a local state college, I was not even granted admission, let alone given any scholarships. I then went to work for that medical transport company and attended community college for engineering and then went to a state university to finish my bachelors degree. When I went into the engineering work force, I was amazed at all the white males who went to places like NC State or VA tech and paid full price! They would bash me for going to a community college, but then would just remind them that while they were paying $18k a semester, the minority sitting next to them was either going there for free or was getting assistance money on top of free tuition!

  71. As I read these stories and think about the path my kids will start to embark upon…I can’t help but think of my own situation. I am 50 yrs old, graduated from a small liberal arts college in rural Pennsylvania back in 1990. My college GPA was average at best with a 2.98 as I worked 30 hours a week in a restaurant while attending school full time. I graduated with a BS in marketing. I stayed in northeast PA, live in a small town and I feel I am truly blessed as last year I grossed $412,000 and for 2018 I am on pace for close to $500,000. I have been in the same occupation with the same firm for the past 28 years and I have worked really hard early on… which established a foundation for me today. There were many a days with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner….but I stayed the course. I guess my point is that a degree from an Ivy league or higher end school does not always spell success. In fact, according to the latest stats, the average income for an Ivy league grad 10 years from graduation is just under $80k. At times I think folks feel a degree from a top notch school automatically spells financial success. This is simply not the case. I am living proof of that…and I work about 30-35 hours a week. Although when I first started out of school…I was working upwards of 60hrs plus a week. I think parents often think the degree on the wall outweighs the drive or the ambition of the young man or woman in the mirror. There are many success stories of famous business people that “lived in their car” or sold trash bags door to door (Mark Cuban) and have made a success of themselves. I didn’t graduate from a known school…I didn’t have a high GPA…and yet I earn more than most doctors, lawyers that work twice the number of hours and have no real quality of life. Education cannot replace drive or ambition…but the schools don’t tell you that. That’s just my take.

  72. I think it’s worth considering that dreaming of going to a university like Duke and expecting to have that dream delivered at all puts one in a position of privilege. Even if you’ve worked very hard to do all of the right things. A LOT of people want to go to Duke, and try very hard to get in. Your son has no doubt ‘earned it’, but so have others.
    The truth is that the admissions department may have opted for a demographically similar student from North Carolina, because they were more likely to accept their offer. I was in your son’s position not so long ago, and didn’t get into my first choice schools either. At the time, I assumed it was because getting straight A’s at a small public school is not comparable to the same success at a well known private school. My parents couldn’t afford that type of high school, and I consider myself to be better adjusted for my public school experiences. Instead of going to my top choice school as an undergrad, I attended our state school, followed by a very high quality private school for my Masters, (Duke, in fact, which a little research will reveal has more graduate students than undergrads) when I only had to pay for two years, and when I was able to use that network to benefit me more directly. Now I’m working on a PhD so that I can teach at the University level. And guess what? I’m back at a state school for that because I felt that my education in my Master’s fell short, even though it was vigorous and challenging.
    I imagine that a high quality college experience is very important to your son, but he may get a better education elsewhere, even if he doesn’t get the network right away. The network is it’s own source of privilege anyhow, isn’t it?
    He appears to have all of the potential in the world. He won’t need the privilege to do great things, but it may be worth adjusting some expectations to understand that the system can’t be gamed, and you can’t map out your life ahead of time and expect things to fall in line the way you plan. People do not get everything they want, and if you think that every minority or low income student who applies to Duke gets in, that’s certainly not the case. Not even all of the minority students with perfect GPAs and lots of involvement. The reason we don’t hear about it is because many of them don’t actually expect that all of their dreams will come true just because they try.

    • J. Makes some excellent and valid points. In fact, I know there were several candidates who applied to Duke with 4.0 GPAs and 1600 SATs that were denied admission. As I have said before, it’s the endgame that matters. Honestly, unless there is an extremely specific reason to pursue an individual school, is ANY undergraduate degree worth $300,000? As I have heard many times before, “you know what they call the guy who graduated last in his medical school class?” “Doctor.”

  73. I totally agree with what you’ve written. For my daughter’s application I want to check other and put American. If everyone is equal why do we have to put Hispanic or African American or Caucasian, what difference does it make, it should be based on merit. We’re Italian American why isn’t there a box for that?

  74. I’m not going to say that I know how you feel, because I’m not a parent. I just got accepted to a state university. I’m 52 years old, never had a mom or dad (was abandoned at age 5). I didn’t attempt college out of high school because I didn’t think I was smart enough. I worked my whole life since age 14 and pretty much raised myself. A few years ago, after I got laid off folloiwng 9/11, I decided to reinvent myself and started taking prerequisite classes for Nursing School. I was shocked because I was getting straight A’s. I guess I was to dumb to realize how smart I was. Anyway, I never followed up with nursing school, but my recent successful fight with cancer motivated me to try again, so I’m about to start at a University to get my B.S. degree. I qualify for federal student loans, but I can ‘t find a grant or a scholorship anywhere for which I qualify. I didn’t have the advantage of great parents that your son obviously had. I’ve been on my own my whole like and not exactly rollling in the dough. I do recognize throughout my adult life, there were doors open to me and opportunities available to me because I was a white male. I’m not ignorant to that fact. On the other hand, I feel like I’m being punished for what white America has done to minorities. I’m very torn about how to feel. I’ve never wanted anyone’s pity, but at the same time, can a drowning man at least get a life preserver?

    • No person should ever be judged based on what someone else did 300 years ago that had skin color similar to yours. That’s ridiculous and you need to stop feeling guilty because it’s pure BS. Don’t let the liberal media tell you things that are not true. Minorities should feel guilty as well if we are going down that road.Over half of the entire worlds ancestors were enslaved at some point & the majority of those slaves were white. The actual word slave comes from Slavic people. You see, they were Slavs and they were enslaved for a very very long time and that’s where the name slave came from.

      Do not let people tell you that you should feel guilty about something that you didn’t do. If you committed a murder then that’s different. You would obviously be responsible but being held responsible because you look like somebody else who might have killed somebody is ridiculous.

  75. You will see a change only when all federally funded scholarship programs are eliminated. College tuition increases at a rate greater than inflation because federal tax dollars continue to support universities with your tax dollars. Colleges are hooked on federal dollars like crack heads. Stop the flow of free federal money and tuition will come down. If no one can afford your product no one will buy it. If no one attends your university you go out of business!

  76. Tim . I had the same thing happen to my son he got accepted to BC, Notre Dame, and Washington University since he was such a strong applicant with a 4.4GPA and 35 ACT and a strong commitment to working extensively with handicap and tutoring students from underpriveleged areas in our city. We did not qualify for financial need but do not have the funds to pay for 70K per year at these universities. Although great institutions we couldn’t have him or us incur the debt for an undergraduate degree when he wants to go to law school as well. What did you decide to do for your son? He decided on another college not ranked at the level of the 3 stated earlier but a good school. He was disappointed to not be able to go to his first choices but made the best financial decision. We have another child and are wondering what are kids doing that do not have any diversity to contribute to a university or alum parents do to receive merit scholarships. Would you think of doing a segment on this so we could learn from other successful kids and families of the best way to be competitive for merit only scholarships at top universities.

    • Don’t hold your breath on merit scholarships. Without demonstrated financial need, it is an extremely tough road to hoe. My son received $2,500 as a National Merit Finalist, and another $2,000 from a local Polish American society. That’s it. So I will be ponying up the $70K+ a year for Duke. I would strongly advise applying to ANY local scholarships that are offered, unless you are obviously not a candidate. Local scholarships tend to have a MUCH more liberal definition of financial need. Unfortunately, I found this out AFTER the fact!

  77. You are so right. I was searching for money to help my son pay for college. I found a scholarship for gay students whose parent won’t pay for their college because their gay. He refuses to go that way.

    • I see no issue with a scholarship to support kids who are gay and have small-minded parents who can’t accept their own children for who they are. I find your attempt at making a joke about this offensive.


      • So now as a white male, youre trying to lie and say your son is gay! Just so as a white male, he can go to college! Pathetic dude! I think its beautiful that all these young white males are now dealing with what ppl of color dealt with for hundreds of years… No i dnt apologize for that! White males excluded ppl of color from college and good jobs and the whole economy for 400 years and now that things are turning against white males, you ppl want to cry racism! Oh but but… We didnt do that and we never had slaves, blah blah blah… The bible states those who enslave shall go into slavery. Your sword will be taken from you. Not only are individuals punished by the most high, so are groups of ppl! White males time is over. Deal with it..

  78. Please stop with this “white male privilege” crap. It is a pernicious lie that is harming the vast majority of white males that are from very poor – modest circumstances that are doing their best to make ends meet, just like the rest of the nation.

  79. As the father of a Latina, I believe some of you are missing the big picture. The elite are sending their kids to the top schools because $75K/year is a rounding error for them. This represents 75% of the students(made up stat) the other 25% of the student is comprised of those who qualify for full tuition relief due to their economic status.

    When will you see a change? When top company recruiters stop going to the elite schools for job applicants. Brilliant students are going to State schools because their parents are unwilling to bet that their $300,000 expenditure will be worthwhile.

    Then again, I could be wrong…

    • You ARE totally wrong. I’m a radiologist and make an excellent living, but I can assure you the $75,000 a year for Duke is not “rounding error” unless you’re making over $3,000,000 a year. I can also assure you that $75k is subsidizing someone who can’t come up with that sort of money for school. As for getting in to the elite schools, buying your way in (unless you’re giving them a serious endowment) doesn’t work either. I can tell you what got my kid into Duke. National Merit Finalist, a perfect ACT, 12 AP courses with an average score of 4.6 and a raw GPA of 95. All American in 2 sports, and a double silver palm Eagle scout didn’t hurt. That’s what you need if you’re a priveledged white male. 45% of Duke students receive financial aid. We’re not in that group.

  80. So true. Finding this out now! My son has a 5.2 GPA, 10 AP scores of 5 , most likely 6 more after this yr. Goes to local college in afternoon, Nal’l Merit Scholarship, Science Olympiad winner each yr. came in 1st or 2nd in the Am. Mathematics Comp. since 6th gr. I could go on and on. We did “what we were suppose to do”as responsible adults. I am fuming that he wasn’t accepted to 3 of top tier schools that he applied. The college he was accepted to, offered not even half of the cost in scholarship money. We’ll be homeless when he is done college.

  81. 36 ACT score, straight As for a 4.71 GPA, perfect SAT2 subject scores and a dozen AP test scores of 5. Visited elite schools, made good impressions on interviews and wrote solid essays and had good EC but no just not enough for middle class white scholar. Rejected by many elite schools, not a dime of merit money at the others. We are very thankful Berkeley accepted and we have resident tuition and our scholarshipless scholar is acing ever class this year while tutoring people with full ride diversity, athletic and other “merit” scholarships. As I said before, we have friends whose applications were inferior all around, but could check a box for race, sex, nationality, donor, legacy, politically connected or something else we couldn’t. That’s all the difference. Read it and explain it to your kids. .Not to detract from this student who also deserved recognition, but the system is so clearly flawed. Maybe he will end up at Cal because we know a great peer tutor.

  82. We are right there with you. We have always told our kids if you work hard you can go to any college but we are finding that is definitely not the case if you are a middle class white male from the Midwest – Son has a 34 ACT, 4.35 GPA, Eagle Scout, All State Muscian, National Honor Society, tons of community involvement and leadership…but he is a middle class, white male from the Midwest … he got waitlisted in the fall and just got the official – not admitted email. Yes state school will be no tuition and scholarship for room and board but even at 17 there is a realization after looking at the acceptance statistics that is waste of time to apply to some schools.

    • As I have said previously, my son was fortunate enough to get accepted to Duke as an ED candidate. Honestly, if his endgame was different, he’d be going to Penn State. However, he wants to pursue an MD/PhD with a concentration in Biomedical Engineering. That’s his passion, and Duke is one of the best programs on the planet. I’m a physician who wanted to go to Georgetown, and was admitted, but wound up going to a small liberal arts college on a full ride. Obviously, I met my endgame on someone else’s dime, so it actually worked out fine. Personally, I don’t think that most elite undergraduate programs are worth the coin, UNLESS, there are specific connections or skills that can be obtained at a specific institution. I finished my post graduate education at an Ivy league institution. It’s the endgame that matters.

  83. HR Capitalist just referenced this post and it is an interesting discussion. Our school district has a book club for parents and this year they read: Where You Go is Not Who You’ll Be – the Antidote to the College Admission Mania. I’d highly recommend it to parents dealing with college admissions. Instead of bemoaning how the game is played, it encourages you to realize that which school a student attends is not what determines their success. One quote fitting to this discussion: “Life is defined by little snags and big set backs, success is determined by the ability to distinguish between the two and rebound from either.” Wishing all the students success down which ever road life takes them!

  84. Being poor is now a bad decision? Interesting comment, “Because he comes from a family that made good decisions, Boston College, and the Federal Government thought it was a good idea for him to pay $68,000 per year to attend their fine university.

  85. We are dealing with this same thing right now. Looks like my son will go to the state school here and live at home. He has worked at tennis for years to play for a good school. The only issue is that our EFC is $20K per year to go to any of the good schools and that is with academic scholarships. Sadly we do not have this.

  86. You are spot on. My son got rejected from Stanford and MIT, has 1540 SAT, 4.0 unweighted and 4.4 weighed gpa. Was selected for the US senate Youth program – among 104 best students in the nation and yet not good enough for Ivy League college. Not to mention that he lettered in 5 sports, speaks fluently two other languages, plays saxophone, attended MUN in Haag 3 years in a row and much more. Military brat and white middle class male – I guess that was his handicap.

  87. I feel for you and your son, my oldest, who was accepted to Duke, has “blow almost anyone away” numbers. National Merit Semi-Finalist, 35 ACT, weighted GPA of 4.2, Eagle Scout, and is an All-American in 2 sports, as well as being a talented musician. Interstingly, he applied for the Coca-Cola Scholarship, (which is need blind) and didn’t get it. However, a girl in his class did, who ranks below him in just about, well everything. You gotta love that “White Male Priviledge”!

  88. Interesting post , let me add a bit of enlightenment for you. I’m African American father of a son who has over 4.0 weighted and a 3.95 unweight. Tested in the 97 percentile on his SAT and worked hard both in and out the classroom including athletics but in a non traditional sport with limited scholarships. Due to income and savings I will be exp cited to pay tuition in 60k range for his school choice so I decided to pick a weekend job and a part time job to help make it through the 1st year. This will of course increase my income and make even more difficult. The issue is the education cost is equivalent or exceeds the price of home and you have limited of paying amount annually without encurring enormous debt. It’s not about you being white it’s about you to me not being wealthy enough to write a check. It’s an income issue. It appears you think someone of a different race doesn’t have have he same concern.

    • Sounds like you didn’t apply for a Scholarship. Any African American with these numbers should receive a full ride, and the college he attends should receive additional money just to have him.

  89. To “Minority”: As you may know, Harvard and other Ivy League schools offer nearly zero merit scholarships. Many do offer full rides to low income students. From the Harvard web page “If your family income is less than $65,000, your parents pay nothing.” Families earning under $100,000 attend many Ivy Leagues and top tier 100% need universities for very little money.

    That being said, some Ivy leagues offer special scholarships to very highly qualified Hispanic and African American students, regardless of income. We know two children in very wealthy families who got them last year. I mean I get it, but it’s still disheartening for our child to see friends in families that are much wealthier than we are not only get accepted, but also get full rides despite lower grades, test scores and less leadership and extra curriculars.

    For everyone else, if you earn less than $100K a year it is probably affordable to attend a Harvard or Stanford depending on your cost of living. If you earn more than a few hundred thousand, you can probably afford one kid there, anyway. Earn close to $200K? Your kid will have a ton of debt. Consider two public school teachers making $160000 in the Bay Area. Sounds like a lot of money, but we spend a fortune on our modest 2 bedroom condo and still have a long commute. Harvard or an Ivy League would have meant over $150000 in debt. Now if we taught in rural Oregon or Nevada, we might make $70000 and with much lower cost of living and a free ride to an elite private college, so you can see the disparity. We actually considered such a move if it came to that. We’re fortunate Berkeley is not too far away and almost reasonable for in state tuition, though our child may have to commute to save money after a year in the dorms to graduate debt free. Many middle and upper middle class families don’t have such a good option so we are lucky.

  90. Does anyone know the statistics for a rich white male to get in to michigan, and then the statistics when the parents get dicorced (kind of my situation right now) and the statistics for mental disabilities like autism. Autistic people can be very smart and I want to know how colleges would deal with an autistic person. I think they would probably like them a lot more but I feel like it may be one of those things that actually make it worse of a chance

  91. I sympathize with the original writer, but the word “white” should be removed from the title. I am part of those so called “minorities” and many years ago I had to turn down the Harvard Business School because they expected me to pay almost the entire tab on a $55K salary. My daughter is being heavily recruited by Harvard today, but they want between $56K and $69K, and needless to say, she will not apply. We are also middle class like you, so the argument is not one of race, but one of economy class.

    Low income minorities and others like those in your picture normally have a story to tell, and in most cases, even additional skills and backgrounds to offer that others cannot. That is worth something to a school trying to bring diversity into the campus. In my case, I was a street smart kid attending one of the worst high schools, working 40 hours a week to help my single parent family. Yet, I was still able to distinguish myself in many ways, including grades and scores. I also distinguished myself in college, on all sort of leadership positions, etc., except for my GPA, which was 2.8 (from a top school must I say). That was sufficient for graduate school at two top Ivy leagues, including HBS, and a full ride at Michigan Graduate Business School. I did not need a 4.0 to accomplish everything I accomplished and the top schools knew it. I was not accepted because I was a minority. I was accepted because my grades were not important in comparison to the story I had to tell. Grades are simply not that important in comparison to other factors. Grades help distinguish students from others when there is nothing of greater value they can offer.

    A middle class kid with perfect scores, but who has lived comfortable all his life, has nothing to offer Harvard other than his money and boost to Harvard stats. That is why middle class kids like ours do not get the money today. It is the same for many Asians that continue to complain today, despite being overrepresented in these schools. If you build a class that looks and thinks the same way, progress would be slow, and few breakthrough ideas would be generated. Everybody will be comfortable in their own cocoon, and think alike.

    • I can appreciate that you want the word “white“ out of this article. However, I would need to add that if you look for scholarships for any minority class, or female, you will find them. However, I challenge you to find scholarships where the qualification is to be white and male, that is open to the middle class. I have three extremely intelligent son’s. Our household income is around $65,000. My sons don’t qualify for any of the scholarships available, unless the fit for qualifications and the appeal to the decision makers is satisfactory ,aka the “shoe size is an exact fit” for any particular scholarship in their field of study. In addition, the student loan offers total $5000 per year. $3000 of those being unsubsidized for a state university that matches the field of study needed and requires 2 years on campus living and in total cost $22,000 per year.

      So while I agree with you, it does apply even to minorities, the struggle of the white middle class male ( especially white) reaches further than nearly anyone is willing to admit.

    • The fact that your daughter is being recruited by Harvard may have something to do with your being a minority. My brother got rejected from schools like Vanderbilt and Northwestern (elite schools but not quite Harvard level) even though he had a 4.0 unweighted GPA, a 4.4 weighted GPA, and a 1590 on the SAT (one question off from perfect). These schools had SAT averages of 1530 and 1510 respectively. His scores were better than 75% of the students who were accepted at Vanderbilt and 85% at Northwestern. He played three sports (was all-conference in 2 and all-state in 1) was a section leader in the band, volunteered in the community for National Honor Society, and was President of his Class all four years of High School. The only reason he was denied was because he was a White, middle class, straight male. Whites are definitely at a disadvantage in the admissions process.

  92. Hello, my name is Shaniki I was accepted to Havard. And I did not get offer a grant or scholarship. And I’am African American woman. And also I am consider a high advance student. I have to pay my way if I decided to go. And my parents at the time where also considered middle class. If you feel like you are begin mis treated you can always look into another Unversity. Or perhaps pray about it and research a little more. Because it’s sound like your kid may need to go to a oversea advance Unversity like me. He seem like he advance they might not have a job here for him United States even if he or she graduates from Harvard. So like me your best bet is to send him or her to Unversity in England he or she might have a better chances and also may have to work oversea because United States might not have a job or the money to pay him when he graduates from Harvard.
    Talk soon!

    • Shaniki you most certainly were not chosen by Harvard for your high IQ but rather for your skin color. Your response is written on a 3rd grade level and the grammar mistakes are too numerous to list. The fact that you were chosen by Harvard only exacerbates the problem. The hard working white has the priviledge of paying most taxes to support you and other illiterate baby mommas out there.

  93. Tim,
    I came across this blog as I was searching for statistics on scholarship money awarded to minorities versus whites. I’m researching the topic because it is becoming increasingly more difficult for me to explain to my white daughter why her peers who are minorities with the same or lesser academic credentials received acceptances that she did not and received a scholarship money that she did not. Their applications are almost identical with the exception, of course, of race. And no, this was not one single scholarship or one single University, or one single student. It was a pattern across the board. Like you we are a middle-class white family who also has been financially responsible. We are financially able to pay for her college, however being responsible parents we have put the responsibilities of half of her college costs on her. Any scholarship money she receives goes to her half, since she earned it. She, like your son, worked extremely hard in high school. Her class rank was 1 out of 617 graduates, scored 35 on the ACT (out of 36) , Was a student leader, an athlete and volunteered her time. She is so disillusioned, watching her lesser-qualified minority counterparts receives acceptances and scholarship money that she did not. Don’t get me wrong, the students worked hard as well, but make no mistake about it they were not disadvantaged in any way. They also come from a similar middle-class family, living in the same middle-class neighborhood that we live in. So, as I see it, it boils down to race or the color of your skin. Why is it OK to discriminate against any race, including whites?

  94. I graduated High school in 1976 with a General Diploma and a 2 year course in Trade Electricity. After that, I worked in an EJ Korvets Department Store, Hardware Dept & Auto Parts Dept until getting a part time job working for an electrician. My Dad was acquainted with a couple who managed and apartment complex and they hired me there as a maintenance worker. This job was a union job which started at $200.00 a week which was good money back then. I did not like the job, because it involved mopping hallways, garbage duties and worse, doing nothing most of the time, which drove me nuts. The mantra was work a few hours, go hide until 3Pm and then pretend to work for another hour.

    Bored with the job at the apartment complex, I answered a job posting for a Burglar Alarm Installers Helper. I was interviewed by the two owners of the company and hired on the spot. After working there for about a year or so, myself and one of the installers began subcontracting for another Alarm Company. I was making about $300.00 a week by about 1978 which was pretty good money for someone 19 years old, with a High school Diploma.

    So myself and my partner are doing the subcontracting when he sells me out and decides to take a full time offer as an employee with the company we were subcontracting for. He says his wife told him to take the offer because it was more stable and they were giving him a helper. By then, I was an installer and the company did not want 2 installers. So now I am basically out of a job.

    So with no job, I open up the yellow pages within an hour, 3 companies want me to come in for an interview. One of the companies was from another state but sold jobs in my state and would send installers from their state here to install the jobs. They were about 3 hours away and were really interested in having someone in my area to install the jobs.

    I decided to try the company from out of state, because I am thinking, I’ll be running things myself over here. So the person drives all the way from another state, 3 hours away and buys me lunch and explains to me that I could be a company employee and get paid $350.00 a week or I can be subcontractor and be paid 30% of the install fee. As a subcontractor , I would need my own insurance, drills, drill bits, staple gun, staples , screws ets, all which cost basically peanuts back then with the exception of the power tools. heck, the insurance policy was only $500.00, $250.00 up front, $250.00 balance after 3 months.

    So I have 2 friends that are working for a roofer making 40 bucks a day. I hire them to work with me for $50.00 a day each and off we go putting in these alarms in Mansions and exclusive homes situated in High End Connecticut neighborhoods.

    So this is just one of the very many opportunities that were available back then to high school grads who were willing to work and take on responsibility. The home security industry was in it’s infancy and there was a need for installers. Over the years the corporate industrial complex has invaded the home security industry, as well as many other industries that were once rules by small business and family owned businesses and because of that opportunities like this do not exist for White Males or anyone else.

    After paying my 2 friends to work with me, I was averaging $600.00 a week pay for myself in 1979 and 1980 at 20 and 21 years old. i have no idea what that would equate to in today’s money, but most people without college aren’t even making $600.00 a week now. Maybe $750.00 or $800.00 in New York, but pales to $600.00 a week in 1979.

    In 1992, I was earning $1,000.00 a week repossessing cars for a detective agency. Most Repo Agents working for a company are not making that now.

    The real reason white guys are not making money now is because there is no one willing to pay it. The corporate structure or what we used to call ”the suits” have taken over every coporatized almost every industry.

  95. I think it’s great you’re so proud of your son.

    A 4.05 GPA and 97% percentile scores are really nothing special for schools like Dartmouth and Northwestern. A 97% SAT is 1450-1500. 1500 is AVERAGE at Dartmouth. A 97% ACT is 31. 32 is AVERAGE at Dartmouth. The AVERAGE weighted GPA at Dartmouth is 4.03. Your son’s 4.05 GPA is AVERAGE for these schools. You don’t mention what his SAT II scores were, but Dartmouth “recommends” them. Smart people go the extra mile and do what’s recommended.

    How many admission slots at Duke, Northwestern, and Dartmouth went to children of “legacies” with lower grades, test scores and lesser achievements? Dartmouth openly states they admit legacies at 2.5x the rate of everyone else! It’s economics – schools are a business, and those are the parents who donate freely for the new library.

    How many admission slots went to 4-star recruits in DI sports? Hint: also a lot. You say your son wants to swim at DI level, but was he good enough to be recruited in his sport? And is swimming a sport these schools recruit? Or is it football and basketball?

    Legacies and athletic recruits are the ones who fill up the slots with lower GPAs and test scores, leaving the remaining limited slots to be filled from applicants who will do the next thing the schools need – raise their ratings in USN and Forbes. They can’t do that by admitting kids with 97% test scores and 4.05 weighted GPAs. They need kids with 99+ percentile test scores and 4.3 weighted GPAs.

    I get it: you’re upset for your son because he wasn’t accepted at his first choice schools. But isn’t it a bit intellectually lazy on your part to point the finger at the supposed “advantage” of being minority and female, instead of educating yourself about how the college admissions process works at these very selective schools and perhaps telling your son if those really are his choice, he’s going to be competing against an applicant pool with 34-36 ACT scores and 4.2-4.3 weighted GPAs, so he needs to raise his game? Because that was the hard conversation we had with our kid. “If you want to be admitted to that school, you’re not a legacy, you’re not a 4 star athletic recruit, you need to be well ABOVE average on your grades and test scores to have a shot.

    • You cant be above perfect scores and if you think can go back to school and if your school was anything like mine teachers help students cheat so scores are a joke. But more power to legacies cause its not like being a moron stopped george bush from being president although it certainly should have. But hey lets keep rewarding stupid people for being good at sports and illiterate or born rich so they can buy diplomas. This world is doomed to turn into an idiocracy

      • if you got a 2.8 GPA in college and then went to Ivy league schools or were accepted then yes you did it get in because of your black privilege. Don’t kid yourself. That doesn’t happen to white people at least not today. It doesn’t happen to me and it does not happen to my kids. And don’t tell me about what experiences you’ve had that are so different than mine. They’re not. I’m tired of people telling me about their life experiences and why they got in and had terrible gpas. Ridiculous…

    • No. Minorities with lower scores get first dibs. Fact. This happened to my cousin. Whites are screwed, and Mexisns are not minorities anymore, at least in Western states. Its time to abolish affirmative action, reverse predjudice.

  96. I personally. Believe that anything we do now a days should be on merrit alone. We should never be asked what our Nationality. Gender maybe depending on the situation however if we are in the 21st century and want/ going for a level playing field, Nationality of person should NOT MATTER!
    Thank you

  97. Pingback: White People and College Admissions – It’s Complicated… True Wage | Consulting, Compensation & Benefits

  98. We recently toured prestigious northeastern colleges. After the tour of my son’s top wish list school he said, “Mom, I don’t feel like they even want me to apply.” His racially diverse, economically challenged best friend tours the same school the following week and is welcomed with open arms.

    What do I tell my son when his best friend is accepted and he is not? Their scores are identical and they’re involved in the same activities.

  99. I feel your pain. My kid has a 36 ACT score, straight As for a 4.7 GPA, perfect SAT2 subject scores and a boatload of AP classes and scores of 5. Visited the schools, made good impressions on interviews and wrote solid essays. A lot of community involvement and accolades, too. Nope, not enough for the Vanderbilts or Cornells of the world. Like you, we couldn’t check any of the right boxes, like minority or foreign or wealthy donor or superstar athlete. All that hard work on academics, but still not enough to overcome being white and male. So, rejection letters and disappointment followed.

    Yes, that’s a life lesson. No big deal, a number of good schools with wiser admissions policies did offer a spot because he’s an exceptional *student*. Then we learned the financial aid game is just as bad. Not wealthy enough to pay for private school tuition without 6 figures of debt, but too “rich” to get a dime of financial aid. No varsity sport to get a free college education based on athletic accomplishments. Still, we should qualify for merit scholarships from all these perfect educational accomplishments, you know at a school whose purpose is higher education, right? Nope, but we learned who got them. Kids with lower test scores, lower GPAs and inferior classwork, but they checked a more important box or led their team to the state finals. Great for them. These universities can give money to whomever they want to attract the kind of students they want. But why even call them “merit” or “academic” or “scholarships”? Just call them “diversity grants” and be truthful about it.

    There’s no pity needed for our kid. Like you, we saved instead of spent. We didn’t lead a lavish lifestyle or make stupid financial choices, unlike families we know deep in debt from luxury houses and cars, but still somehow qualify for financial aid. We are blessed that we can now pay for a state college education with little debt. It’s a good school. All will work out for the best. But if your kid is a true scholar and you think they will earn admissions or scholarships based on hard work and excellent academics, you may be surprised that some of these top rated institutions of higher learning place a lot more value on things other than academic achievement. Just google top schools for admission rates by sex and ethnicity for proof.

  100. Ya I grew up dirt poor remember standing in line for hours for a loaf of bread an a block of cheese. The school I went to had text books that were 50 years old I graduated from high school with a 3.9 GPA and 1542 sat I was involved in pride club and a student conflict mediator. I applied to around 20 different schools and was denied to all 20. My best friend Rodney graduated with a 2.9 GPA and only scored 1300 on his sat. We applied to all the same schools he was accepted to 13 of the 20 schools he was a poor black kid and I was a poor white kid unfortunately I was never able to go back to school I was turned down for federal financial aid. My best friend full scolarship. Just for being black. And somehow or another I’m privileged because because I’m white.

  101. Need to watch the high school counselors. My son and I went to all the meetings about college. Every meeting was about low income families and how to get a free ride to college. As you can tell from my grammar I’m not a very educated person but I worked hard and made a very good life for my family. I will never give up on teaching my son that some things are not fair but never quit. He will be the first child in the family to attend college and there’s no doubt he will appreciate every dollar in life. Sometimes free is a bad word. Looks like a lot of overtime for me in the next few years.

  102. I’m sorry your son didn’t get into his dream school. I am also very aware that middle class families can be left behind by colleges, even those with good financial aid–due to rich kids being able to pay in full and the lowest income students getting full rides, those in the middle lose out. However, as someone said above, your son’s scores/grades weren’t quite good enough to expect to get into those schools. I go to an elite university (top 20) and I had a perfect SAT and 4.3 GPA. At Duke/Northwestern/Ivies, etc, you probably need to be at at least a 4.15-4.2 and an SAT above 2200 or ACT 33+ to have a good shot–and then you often still need something extra to set you apart, regardless of race.
    I hope your son is happy wherever he goes.

  103. Tim. You are correct almost everything you just said.
    Discrimination is not only with the middle class,
    But those upper class as well. These schools
    Hate rich white kids.
    You are fortunate that the you live in the mid
    west. If you lived in the Northeast your son probably would never had been accepted to
    BC with a 31 ACT.
    Now some more bad news. Wait till they apply for internships. (This is new). WHITES NEED NOT APPLY.

  104. Just wanted to update my status. Just as my son and I were settling into the idea that he would graduate GA Tech $40,000 in debt (but with a great degree!) we find out he has been accepted to Johns Hopkins and Rice. Both offered him full-rides. He’s white, he’s male. He works 15 to 20 hours a week and goes to GA Tech full time as a high school senior. In order to do that, he had to take an entire year’s worth of math online over the summer and self-study Calc.BC because his school didn’t offer it. He’s an extremely hard-worker and out of all the comments, I felt his experiences aligned more with T.Wood than any of the others. His scores – 1520 SAT, 33 ACT and 99.119 GPA. He made a 3.5 his first semester at Tech. He not only stands out academically, but he went above and beyond by having the discipline to self-study subjects not offered, going to Tech as a high schooler, all while holding down a part-time job. I’m ecstatic, but I know there are plenty of students who worked just as hard as he who didn’t get in.

  105. 4/14/2017 We are devastated! My son was accepted into a private and prestigious university and was going to be a collegiate athlete and swim for this school. 4.56 GPA, 7 AP courses, private Catholic HS, yr round swimmer for 10 yrs, active swim coach for Special Olympics etc….We are middle class, father is a Sgt for a mid-City police dept in Ohio; I am unemployed losing my job after 26 yrs with the company…FAFSA said our EFC was 24K and this university said we could afford 64k via federal plus loans! Bitter! Angry! Sad that my son has found that hard work DOES NOT pay off! He is your typical middle class white kid who doesn’t deserve this! Something has to change!

  106. Bottom line is if your child is white and is not a legacy or an athlete the elite colleges and universities will only admit them if they have written about some time of social hardship in their essay, i.e.: they have 2 moms, they are gay, they were abused, picked on or bullied and miraculously overcame the obstacle to lead normal lives. Other than that maybe 1 out of 10 kids from hard working families that provided a normal childhood get in…if their grades are perfect and they did perfect on the SAT’s. Basically these schools are now comprised of international full pay students, minorities, athletes legacies and screwed up white kids. These colleges are becoming less and less about being incubators for the next generation of leaders as their core mission focuses on diversity.

  107. This goes for white middle class white girls too. We too are being punished for doing everything right. It’s just so unfair. My daughter, who has never, not once, gotten anything lower the an A- (A- causes her anxiety), is graduating a valedictorian (summa cum laude) and has been accepted into every university she has applied to (over a dozen), including UCLA but we can’t afford to send her to any one of them.

    We had been counting on scholarships (full ride, hopefully, because, why not?). We planned ahead for college and about 5 years ago I took on a job with IRS to help save for it. IRS is a great company for hiring disabled, of which I have two. We met with the high school counselor at the beginning of the year and asked all the right questions, all scholarship related. But this guidance counselor didn’t guide us very well. She failed to mention that UCs don’t award merit scholarships anymore (that’s all we have to go on). And the UCs are where she applied.

    So now we have a very disappointed daughter, who has worked harder than anyone at her school and who is literally graduating at top of her class, who is now going to be attending a community college. It’s like a slap in the face. I can’t tell you how heartbroken we are (wait, maybe I can).

    We have learned a lot but too late. If I knew 5 years ago what I know now we would be seeing a different outcome: I would not have gone to work, my spouse and I would have gotten a divorce (so we can use my “no income” to get those “pity” scholarships and my daughter would be entering UCLA next fall *possibly on a full ride scholarship (*but we still have the problem that she’s white).

    Now I feel even that is going to go sideways as right now she was accepted to UCLA (and others) based on her 4.32 gpa. But will those offers, and that gpa, still be around in 2 years (we have 2 years to get poorer than we are already)? I worry about the grades because she exhausted herself and sacrificed everything to get them only to get this “slap in the face” reward for it. I personally couldn’t keep it up in the face of it all, so I can’t expect her to as well.

    How is your son doing?

    • Tricia,

      You’re right, I do need to add white girls to this post! Sorry to hear about your daughter. You do bring up another broken system within the college tuition system – Divorce!

      I personally know a family who had three kids, parents got divorced a couple years before kids got to college age. Mom didn’t get a job, but did take full custody of all three kids. Dad supported Mom and Kids from another address behind the scenes. All three kids went to state university tuition free, with living expenses!!!

      It’s a crazy world we live in. My son is doing great! Thanks for asking.


      • I am a middle class white senior girl. I am graduating #1 in my class with a projected GPA of 4.6. I also was able to graduate high school with my associates degree. I over came epilepsy when I was young, after they told me I wouldn’t succeed in high school. I’m head editor of yearbook, on student council, National Honor Society, And National Art Honor Society.

        And I did not receive any merit scholarships. Why? Because I’m white. There were some I couldn’t even apply for because I’m white.

        I’m going to a state school next year, just to get a single bachelor’s. My dream was to double major with a minor and go on to grad school. If this had taught me anything, it’s that hard work and doing the right things don’t pay off.

  108. This needs to be updated to include white girls. From what I understand, white girls with excellent stats are currently the top demographic applying to the tier 1 schools.

  109. I just came across your blog and i have to say, it is as if you were writing this about My son. He too is 17. He too was born in to a white middle class family. He too is involved in our community, is a straight A student earned in AP classes, and works his ass off. He’s 15th in his class of 400, and was rejected from Boston College, Northeastern and Babson College. I don’t know what these schools are looking for, but its not white middle class males. White privilege my ass. You tell your kids to work hard, to be kind , to do the right thing, for what? To have your dreams crushed.

  110. I am so disgusted and sorry this is happening to YOU and to Anyone else.

    I am so over the racism against White people…and especially to White Males!
    WE also MUST NOT Care and Fight Against ALL these People that would call us Racists for caring about OUR OWN RACE!! Think about how ridiculous this is getting!! This Must STOP!!!!
    WE Must then HELP OUR Fellow White Caucasians in America and across the World!! We have had ENOUGH! MOST of us have cared and helped other Races and nationalities just to be Shit on in the End and NOW!!!
    WE White/Caucasians/Europeans MUST Help Our fellow White/Caucasians/Europeans from NOW on…..and that means in every Way Shape and Form!!! Other Races and Nationalities are able to help their Own with NO Problems…..but Whites/Caucasians/Europeans CANNOT!???
    Let’s do something….NOW!!!!

  111. I am sick to death of hearing about “white privilege” mainly because that so called privilege does NOT apply to to many middle and lower middle class whites. No, these young men are considered “rednecks” and “hicks”, slights that are socially acceptable, but God forbid you should sling a epitaph at someone who is not white and male. The fact they are white works against them, despite their economic status It is tragic that young middle to lower class and even lower class, particularly males, are told they are “privileged” and despite their academic prowess, are turned down from schools because they are male and white! Yes, people this is prejudice. I teach these kids and know them and their families. They do all of the right things but are prejudiced against merely because they are white and male. Seriously? If a child, any child, can rise above their poverty or otherwise poorer upbringings, they should be celebrated despite their color or race. Did we not realize this with our young people of color? So why are we now doing this to poor and middle class white males? I advocate for all my students, despite their race and gender, and I focus mainly on young people whose parents are not so well off. I do not see their color, only their predicament and abilities. Sadly, so many want to stigmatize the middle class and poor white males. Is it coincidence that this group is most likely to commit suicide? We are doing this to these children. What is wrong with everyone in this country? All children, and I mean ALL children should be looked at as tabula rosa and NOT as an extension of peoples’ behavior in the past. Do not visit the sins of the fathers on these young men. Stop punishing them for something they did not do!

  112. My son has 99.119 GPA (his school doesn’t do grade point GPA) and he made a 33 on the ACT and a 1520 on the SAT. He has had a job since he turned 16. We are on food stamps. My white, male son applied to many prestigious colleges. I’ve prepared him to not be accepted to any. He will undoubtedly get into GA Tech as he is already going there his senior year for Move On When Ready. I’ve prepared him to NOT get any type of school financial aid…GA Tech acknowledges that they consider minority status for school financial aid. He can expect the GA Zell Miller scholarship ($10,000) and Pell (~$5500) and a loan (~$5500) and he will still owe $3000. He’ll continue to work through college. I’m staying positive and will continue to believe that hard work WILL equal success.

    • This kind of thing will make White people and people with half or more white DNA in them to Stop using Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, Business people and so on that may have had Affirmative Action, and of course are Not White. How do we really know those people were the most intelligent in their College Classes. How do we know they didn’t get to bypass a white student because of their colour. This can and will have repercussions!
      Why do white students get screwed over because they are White?

      I say boycott the Non-White Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, Businesses, and so on until this racism is addressed properly, and Stops!

      This is unequal. This is racism against people because they are white.
      Have you had enough yet?

    • This kind of thing will make White people and people with half or more white DNA in them to Stop using Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, Business people and so on that may have had Affirmative Action, and of course are Not White. (As it Should)
      How do we really know those people were the most intelligent in their College Classes. How do we know they didn’t get to bypass a white student because of their colour. This can and will have repercussions!
      Why do white students get screwed over because they are White?

      I say boycott the Non-White Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, Businesses, and so on until this racism is addressed properly, and Stops!

      This is unequal. This is racism against people because they are white.
      Have you had enough yet?

  113. Pingback: That College You Want To Attend? It Won’t Matter By Job Number Three In Your Career…. – WEtechGroups

  114. My child is in a similar situation. We are considered “Middle Class” but it never really feels like it. My son was always an ABOVE AVERAGE student. He graduated high school with a 5.33 GPA (weighted) 4.0 (unweighted) scored a 31 on his ACT and got accepted into the University of South Florida (yeah I know not Ivy League). The problem we have ran into, is they always say ” Get good grades and school will be paid for with scholarships and grants.” Well that is the biggest joke I have ever heard! My son, because he is not a minority and because we are a middle class family by the government standards, has to take student loans to cover what he didn’t receive in scholarships and grants because these universities cater to minorities. My son is bright, hard-working and deserves the same opportunities as everyone else. These scholarships and grants should not be race or gender based, they should all be academically based. I think its insulting to think that because you are a minority you have these scholarships because you can’t get in on grades alone. Minorities have the same opportunities, if not more, to excel in school as my son had. Please get off the crutch of ” Oh, I’m an impovrished minority so I deserve hand-outs.” No, you can pick your self up just like everyone else, work hard, get good grades and earn the scholarships and grants. If you are an exceptional athlete because you trained hard and achieved your goal and so you get scholarships, good for you! If you are an exceptional scholar, you worked hard all through school, joining clubs, participating in your community and getting good grades and then you get a scholarship, good for you! But, to get a scholarship because you were born a specific gender or race and you have never had to work for what you are receiving, that is a dis-service to not only the student, but to the more deserving students that didn’t take school lightly and earned that money fare and square is. That’s my two cents……

  115. As an HR professional, do you strive to hire “average” or “exceptional” employees?

    Here are the numbers I found on
    BC – ave. ACT = 32; ave. GPA = 4.03;
    UCLA – ave. ACT = 28; ave. GPA = 4.29;
    Northwestern – ave. ACT = 33; ave. GPA = 4.11;
    Dartmouth – ave. ACT = 32; ave. GPA = 4.03;

    Unfortunately, your son was not above “average” for both ACT and GPA for any of the school listed above. Therefore, at best, he is “average”, when compared to others competing for the same spots. He needed something “extra” to set him apart from everyone else.

    A fellow hs teacher sent me an interesting article earlier this year entitled: “Why a Perfect SAT Score Can Keep You Out of Harvard” that talks about this issue.

    Now an “average” employee would still be a good hire, capable of doing everything successfully, but when trying to fill a spot, the “exceptional” employee, the one whose resume or interview really made a mark because of something special, is probably going to get the nod.

    Just because you did everything right doesn’t mean you are going to get in, it just means you get an opportunity to get in.

  116. It is interesting the comment about how it is only legal to discriminate against WCM. Hence the rise of Trump.

    I grew up in poverty, got good grade, and cobbled together scholarships and work/study to pay for my college. After working hard and a few jobs later, it didn’t matter what undergraduate school I went to; it mattered what I learned and accomplished in the workplace. My resume speaks for itself, as does yours. With some hard work, your son with have the same result. College only sometimes gets your foot in the door. Hard work keeps you there. It sounds like he has a father that will teach him that, and he will do well in this world.

    It’s often beneficial to see inequities in life at a young age. Sometimes those inequities can drive a person to achieve greater things. When you don’t get what you want when you want it, it can drive a person to prove themselves. Perhaps that will be the case with your son. Perhaps he will use this as a launching pad to achieve something greater than if he had actually been able to go to his “dream college.” Adversity is not always a bad thing.

  117. Let me start off by saying that, overall I typically find your posts annoying and irrelevant, to the point where I stopped following your blog. However, another blog I follow posted a link to this post and I read it because my son is a year behind yours and I found a lot of things about this post that I could relate to.

    If you think white male students are in a bad spot, then right behind them are asian students. My son has the worst of both worlds because he’s a white/asian mutt. When we talk about the application process, we seriously discuss the pros and cons of whether to check the race box as white, asian, or multirace. My son is not as accomplished as yours and I know he will never get into his dream schools. But like you I have been financially responsible and saved for his education. And like you, despite having an ex-wife who will basically contribute nothing towards his schooling, I know that most of the aid he is going to get is in the form of loans. Like you I’ve sacrificed to save enough that he will hopefully graduate with minimal debt. But like you I am annoyed that because I did the right things, my son will be asked to pay pretty much full freight.

    I doubt Bernie, if elected, would ever be able to make college free for all. But I agree with you that colleges are not non-profits.

    • Jay,

      Let me start off by saying – You made Kris Dunn’s year with your comments about me! I was with him when this comment came through and we both had a big laugh and you kicking me under the bus to start off your comments.

      Beyond that, thanks for your comments. Maybe you’ll come back again if KD links something of mine of value!


  118. Tim, your burning rant is deadly accurate in many respects in my opinion. And it’s not hard to see the PC of every decision made at colleges and universities. The higher education system in the U.S. is broken. It provides diminishing educational value at increasing cost with each passing year. My suggestion? Have your son take a “break year.” Travel the world, experience stuff, get a menial job, learn some marketable skills, then reconsider what kind of education he really wants based on what he’s discovered about himself and the passions he want to pursue. He may just discover that the “prestigious” school that puts him and your family into massive debt is irrelevant to his future and his success.

  119. I’ll bite…I’m a 40 yr old black guy who graduated from Boston College. My question is why should your son be any different from any number of people (black, white, and everything else) with whom I graduated from BC who are still eyesballs deep in debt? I’ll let you know…I was your worst nightmare as a high school senior…black (obviously), poor, inner-city, very good grades at a terrible school, good (not great) test scores, high 80s to low 90s fastball (left handed), and only the second person in my family to attend college. I’ll admit it, if I were white, I probably wouldn’t have gotten into BC (but for the left handed pitcher piece). But I tell you this, BC made a hell of a bet on me because I did better than 90% of the frosh that entered BC with me and after four years had my choice of Ivy League law schools. There are kids just like me this year who got into Duke or Northwestern or UCLA, but they didn’t take your kids spot…more likely, there is another middle-class white kid from your general neck of the woods who was admitted to those schools over your son. I sit down with alumni relations from BC on an almost annual basis (they think I have money to donate) and I hear the same thing…they want diversity in the incoming class, but that runs the gamut, diversity of race, ethnicity, religion, background, socio-economic status, hometown, high school, and on and on and on. I understand this hurts your son to his core, and as a father I understand your frustration; but I would say you haven’t been wrong…you’ve been asked to face reality. Ultimately, I think it is your white privilege that allows you to feel that you and your son deserve better that the rest of us.

    Let me be clear, I respect your perspective, but it’s cringe-worthy to think that this is your struggle. White guys = bad…that’s your thesis? Then explain to me why I stood in (and controlled…even if I do say so myself) a boardroom last week with executives from my company and each of its five subsidiaries and I was the only non-white person in the room (in the interest of full disclosure, there were a male Latino and black female execs on the phone). In a room of 25 – 30 people, there was me, 6 or 7 white women and a sea of the dreaded Christian White Males. Of the other 10 – 15 people on the phone, there were 2 non-white males. THAT’S MY REALITY. My reality is also that no one else in the room had my educational pedigree…NO ONE! That is not to say those people don’t deserve their seats at the table (there were some damn brilliant people at that table), but it is to say that I likely would not have been at the table if the schools listed on their resumes were on mine.

    My reality is also kicking my kids in the @$$ to let them know that the cushy lifestyle that they live at my expense is not reality. I’m sure my kids are much more like your son than they are like me at the same age. My reality is struggling to figure out how to give my kids that fire in the belly when there isn’t anyone in their life struggling to make it on a day to day basis. My middle schooler has head more than he would like that being brilliant (which he is) isn’t enough…letting him (and his younger sister and brother) know that even when you do everything right, life sometimes kicks you in the balls. As a black man, that is something I learned early in life, and frankly, I envy the fact that you are just now learning this lesson in middle age. Although it hurts, I venture to say that in the long run, you son will be better for having learned this lesson at 17 and not when he is downsized out of his junior executive position at 45.

    • T.Wood,

      I appreciate your thoughtful response. This is my son’s dream, not mine. I don’t think I’ve been wronged. I pushed him to go to community college, a state school that would give him a scholarship. He had bigger dreams than that, as I’m sure your children will have as well. I paid my own way, working multiple jobs throughout college and leaving in debt with my undergrad. Worked full time, with two kids, and went to night school to get my master’s degree, again that I paid for 100% out of my own pocket. My privilege is I worked my ass off to get where I am. Also, I happen to be white. I’m not going to apologize for that.

      As an HR Pro I know exactly what problems we have in corporate America at the highest levels with the lack of diversity and inclusion. I wrote my Master’s thesis on Women in Leadership. I was raised by a single mom. I’ve seen firsthand the diversity issues within leadership and worked in every organization to better those results.

      I also wouldn’t say I’m ‘just learning this lesson’ right now, but as I’ve pointed out, on this issue, white guys aren’t allowed an opinion.


  120. Are you unaware of how many legs up your kid has received simply by being a white man in this country and how many advantages that gives him many of his peers and will continue to give him throughout his life? Do you understand WHY it is that there’s sometimes more financial aid available for students from less privileged backgrounds — that it’s to try to make up a small piece of the disadvantages they’ve been burdened with?

    Or do you only see your kid’s race for once not giving him an advantage over others and think that’s unfair? Tell it to the parents of minority kids who get a crap deal over and over.

    I think you’re really out of touch on this one.

    • I am actually aware, and I stated that very clearly in the post. I have advantages. Many, many advantages. I put my name on it. Unlike you making up a fake email address to post.

      I actually understand this entire argument at a very high level. Reached out to minority college professors to read my post and get their response before posting it.

      What you are saying, in your response, was what I was saying, but you won’t hear it because it’s coming from a white guy. Every kid, white or black, should have equal access to reach their dreams. That must be the out of touch part you speak of.

  121. Tim –

    No need to apologize. You speak the truth. Preach it brother!!

    PS – you don’t understand. #honkyproblems

  122. Um, what makes u think Blacks and Latinos who do the “right” thing families don’t go into mega debt to pay for college? You are describing the plight of ALL working Americans and building it as a White platform.
    Newsflash, Black, Latinos, Asians, Women, etc. continuously get passed over for our choices in school, work, housing, capital, healthcare, etc.?
    But so many of you are tired of hearing about “us complaining” but chime right in when it affects you.
    You are Freaking Galaxies away from being close to the pain by stereotypes, violence, rejection, and discrimination that non Whites deal with today and yesterday. I guess colleges are a breeze for poor families? Oh, and those foreign students pay up front, and those ball players generate millions for the NCAA. Yes, $ trump fairness in America. BTW, have you asked all the White Male college presidents, faculty, administrators, alumni, congress people, Executives, and Board members why life isn’t fair for working Americans?

    • Michael,

      I tried to say throughout the post, in no way do I understand the stereotypes faced by minorities in America. But, as you point out, I clearly can’t understand. Because I’m white and male, I have many, many, many advantages in our culture. So, I must never know what being wronged is.

      I never once said anything about anyone else complaining. I was talking specifically about my issue. About my son’s dream being crushed. I also mentioned my hope would be all kids get their opportunity. Not my son, over another kid.

      I’m sorry that didn’t come across to you.



  123. As someone who has been in academia for 20+ years, let’s clear up some misconceptions spread throughout the post and in the responses:
    1. Duke University has an acceptance rate of under 9%. They had 28000+ applications for approx. 2500 slots. Lots of highly qualified white middle class males were turned down, as were lots of qualified women and minorities.
    2. Acceptance rate is going to be further influenced by the program/school within the college or university. Competition may be fierce for business, but not so much for art or history.
    3. Boston College has an acceptance rate of 29%. Even with that small rate, as a white, middle class male, he got in.
    4. The problem is, two of your examples are some of the most prestigious, difficult schools to get into. Your forgetting about the 99.9% of other colleges who would throw money hand over fist at your son because of how great he is. Duke and BC have the power to pick EXACTLY the class of freshman they want. As “full-need” schools, the FAFSA and a few other documents provide the school with all the information they need to build the class to meet the needs of what they’re trying to hit.
    5. Colleges actually want white male students. Females started exceeding males in enrollment in 1979, and have never caught up. At the college where I work, we have a 58%/42% female/male ratio.
    6. In terms of financial aid, BC and Duke aren’t tuition driven schools; their endowments cover whatever they need. The worst part is, your son would probably get aid before the same student who is female because of the majority of students in college are female. Those schools have the power to say, “It’s a privilege to be admitted, and now it’s a privilege to pay for it. If you don’t like it, go somewhere else. There’s 1000 students in line behind you.”
    7. The FAFSA is definitely not perfect, but most dual income families will not receive additional aid from a college or university these days. The families that are responsible and have been saving will be seen as fiscally sound and not eligible for additional aid. However, many may be eligible for specific scholarships.
    8. At our particularly small, liberal arts school, we have a student body that is predominantly white and middle class. Yet, 97% get some form of scholarship or financial aid.
    9. The poor don’t get free rides either. According to my financial aid people here in Wisconsin, for $0 EFC families, the most they receive from state schools is roughly $8,000 from state/federal, depending on the state of course. Almost all of the 4-year UW schools tuition, room and board is less than $17,000 a year.

    • Bruno –

      I hear you. I respect you. That is one point of view. This is your profession. I get that. Until you actually go through the college financial aid process, from end-to-end, it’s hard to fully grasp. The colleges are selling one thing, the reality is another. Non-profit is a word. This is big business, at all levels, even yours.


  124. Great thoughts and I feel horrible for your son. Having a daughter that’s about to graduate but with almost every other circumstance the same as you I completely empathize with your post.

    I think the bigger picture here is the overall cost structure setup by universities in general. We’ve been sold a bill of goods on what the value of an education is and that it is somehow dependent on how much you pay for it. Most universities host freshmen classes in huge lecture halls with a TA teaching the class. Other than very particular fields, graduates from “prestigious” schools are no more guaranteed a job than anyone else.

    Our world is changing, knowledge is more accessible and the workplace is starting to slowly realize that a degree is not all it’s cracked up to be. I think in 20 years, there will be fundamental changes in how college works, including the cost structure. Not much help to our kids today but that’s why my daughter is going to attend two years of community college and then transfer to a university. I don’t buy into the garbage system and don’t want her to either.

  125. I can’t agree more. My white husband jokes white Christian males are the only group you can still discriminate against. I always want to disagree with him but can’t.

    On the financial front, I am a latino woman and maybe -probably- checking the latino box would help my kids get accepted into the college of their choice. But my current middle-class status means zero financial support. While I live in a region that is often considered to have one of the highest costs of living, the financial aid system does not consider locality a factor, only income. My former not-so-middle-class status means zero savings for college. So.. that community college down the street is looking mighty good these days…

    • Jessie,

      You make a fun point – “White Christian males” are the only ones we can still discriminate against. I see this constantly from many of the top Diversity and Inclusion professionals in the world. They espouse “inclusion” but only if it doesn’t include the white guys. Isn’t that the opposite of inclusion?

      Weird, changing times.

      As I said, I’m grateful for who I am and living in a world where I clearly have advantages. I can’t complain or whine about that. When it hurts your kid, is when it’s tough to take. He’ll be fine, no doubt.

      Also, I have one kid in community college as well. We all find a way – even the white guys! 😉


    • Interesting comments. The blame the liberals and minorities is a bit annoying. We live in California where many people are Democrats and there are large Latino and Asian populations. My son’s school’s white population is less than 50%. Most of my set are Middleclass to Wealthy. Most are mixed race Asian families, white, first generation European white, or Latino/ Hispanic. As a rule, the UC, and State colleges cannot admit based on race, gender, or sexual orientation. They do consider which high school you go to and your opportunities to take AP courses and if you have economic disadvantages. The stats show that compared to the general population demographics that Asians are disproportionally over-represented in the UCs while all other minorities are disproportionately under-represented. Also, minorities are not over represented in scholarship, which you would think would be the case with all of the criticism. Whites and Asians receive more scholarship money than the other minorities in greater proportion to their actual representation in the general population. Additionally, our state has the UC promise that if your grades and scores are above a certain threshold, you will get into one of the UCs even if it isn’t your first choice. You can also go to community college for two years and transfer in if you maintain grades above a certain gpa and take the required courses for your major of choice. Community college costs are practically free compared to the costs of 2 years at the UCs or State.

      Parents need to research what are realistic expectations. Being a legacy is not a consideration of admissions at the State or UCs. Getting into the top UCs requires straight A’s sophomore and junior years and 7 or more AP or colllege credits as well as great essays, stellar extracurriculars, volunteer or work experience , and significant honors or awards. The number of stellar applicants that the university receives from your school is going to lower your chances. You don’t know which school will offer an acceptance or scholarship, so research and apply to a lot of schools. If your child wants to major in engineering, pre-med, nursing -highly desirable majors- know that the competition is fierce just to get admitted any program. With high scores like many here have mentioned, merit scholarships are available from schools that are trying to recruit top students. Those will probably be the second tier schools who want top scholars. The top tier schools don’t care and will probably charge more than you can afford.

      My college-aged son, had a list of over 30 schools that had good programs in Earth Sciences, Evollution and Organismal Biology, Zoology, and Marine Sciences. He knew that certain schools were unrealistic to expect to get into since their admission rates are less than 10 %. He applied to Montana State that has a 98% admission rate and a program that he likes in order to guarantee that he would get into a school. Since applying to all UCs is one application and to California State schools another application, he applied to 6 in all and was rejected from half. He also applied to his dream school Univ. of Michigan, overseas, and to a school that recruited him by mail OSU. He applied to OSU as an early acceptance as that was a requirement for scholarship money. In the end, only OSU and Montana State offered substantial merit scholarships. He went to OSU and turned down UC San Diego, UC Santa Cruz, and San Diego State. Does he have some regrets sure. Was he disappointed in his rejections. Yes. But life goes on and OSU has the majors he needs to go to graduate school.

      FYI: All of the children of our set got into colleges and universities. Only those with all the right requirements got into the top tier schools, and they stilll were rejected from most of the Ivy leagues. None went to Ivy Leagues because the cost was prohibitive. All of the students in the top 1% received merit scholarships and if they went to a lower tier school; it was because they received a full ride. Family income was not the only factor because some of these families are wealthy and white and the child still received substantial scholarships. Most were middle class. This all occurred in the years 2018, 2019, and 2020.

  126. Wow, great read. There is a stereo type for white males. It goes unspoken but it is still unfair. (this coming for a white male so I am immediately discredited to even have an opinion)

    Can’t wait for the article about corporate america hating old people.

    recent story – My mother in Law is a great human being, raised 5 kids, and then went back to college in her 40’s, got laid off in her 50’s (recession), and couldn’t find a job anywhere because she was “overqualified” or “culturally not a fit”. She is now doing customer service for a floor mat manufacture for a little over minimum wage (but hey! she gets not great health benefits).

    It is unreal how over qualified she is for that role but she had to pay the bills and needed health insurance. Now her resume has 2 years of customer service on it and is basically stuck in that rut of “not being in your field anymore” so is basically doomed to remain in an hourly customer support role.

    Do unbiased hiring managers exist?

    • its getting worse in 2018 . my son has 35/36 act straight A Ap classes including being done with AP calculus in his junior year , vice president of the national honors society at his school .
      , State player of the year in his sport . Academic , all american 2 years . but he is a middle class midwest white boy . Even the university of michigan has deferred him . His motivation is now in the toilet . Good job liberals , performance doesnt matter anymore .

    • its getting worse in 2018 . my son has 35/36 act straight A Ap classes including being done with AP calculus in his junior year , vice president of the national honors society at his school .
      , State player of the year in his sport . Academic , all american 2 years . He often stayed up until 1 am studying to get this . He is a middle class midwest white boy . Even the university of michigan has deferred him . His motivation is now in the toilet . Good job liberals , performance doesnt matter anymore .

      • here is an update . my son has 35/36 act all A,s all AP classes taking post calculus (dif eq ) at the junior college and getting A,s a high school senior , player of the year in his sport national merit scholar finalist yet he was denied by U of michigan . when he heard that he was up all night crying “. why did i work so hard “. the “social engineering “ admissions officers really did a number on him . im really worried about him now.

        • Wow. Your son is incredible! I have a high school senior with excellent stats as well. But as a white male going into engineering, they are a dime a dozen. But no hook— Not gay, not trans, not biracial, not gender confused, not Hispanic, not female, not any other nationality apart from white American male. We raised gentlemen. ~My son did get into some good engineering schools (RPI, NU, Clemson’s Honor Program, andcoffred scholarships), but he was waitlisted at Lehigh, and he didn’t get into the big prizes like Cornell or Rice. He was admitted to Olin College, but for 2024. That one hurt. – so now, despite our son being at the top 1% of the country in terms of merit and extracurriculars, he will very likely go to Clemson, which is a great school, but not quite the prestigious level that he has earned. But one good thing out there is that college is an experience, and kids who do well in high school tend to do well in college. There is something to be said for going to a school that appreciates you. And when hiring, the college you paid for on that piece of paper may help get you your first job. It cannot help you keep it. Our sons will be fine. The American education system needs a serious auto correct. I cannot believe we are rehashing the identity issues that will work out in the 90s. Honestly, I feel like we need to stop feeding the wound. Media, education system, social engineering is all designed to keep kids thinking like they’re still in six grade. Encourage your son to knock it out of the park and whatever college he goes to, take advantage of every opportunity. Study abroad, take a semester at another university, volunteer in a long-term service initiative, pick up a research project, whatever is out there take advantage of it. Life is about experiences, and 90% of it is about showing up. The other 10% speaks to quality. Your son has not lost anything here. His life has just begun!

          • thanks . yes its a rude awakening to us all . i knew it was going to be bad when i listened to the uc berkerly admissions officer “ you can get straight A’s all ap classes , perfect test scores and we wont let you in “. she said that verbatim . i just never knew it would be this bad . i told him to go trans so he would be in a special category but he wouldnt listen . inguess he just picked the wrong parents

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