This is an actual email message I received last week:
I am going through updating our resume database and it looks like we have an old one on file for you. If you are currently seeking new restaurant management opportunities or know of someone that is, please email me your most recent resume, explaining any gaps of employment (if any).
If your referral is placed through us, we will send you $100.
“Industry Experience. People Results.”
5623 N. Western
Oklahoma City, OK 73118
(405) 948-4050 Ext. 401
(877) 948-4001 Ext 401
Fax (405) 948-1290
Let’s break this down for Kim and maybe we can give her some pointers on the next communication she sends out:
1. “Good Afternoon” – I actually received this email at 11:56am – so it was close to afternoon – I would have hoped for maybe a little more personal context – “Good Afternoon Tim!”
2. ” I’m updating my database” – good for you! I can’t remember ever sending my resume to someone in Oklahoma or being a restaurant manager, but apparently I’m in the database. Might I suggest a bigger call to action. “We have a client who has interest in your background! Contact me regarding this opportunity!”
3. “If I’m seeking a restaurant manager opportunity or know someone who is” – I’m not, I don’t – does that mean I don’t have to contact you back!? Or does it mean I should send you a referral and my resume – I’m a little confused.
4. “Email me your most recent resume and explain any gaps” – Well, we hardly know each other, but alright, I guess…
5. “If…We’ll send you a $100” – So, let me get this straight – I send you a referral, you hire them and Bam! I send me $100! Wow – will it be cash or check?
I wanted to share this message in its entirety just in case someone might know of a restaurant manager and need an extra $100!
To Kim’s credit, her signature line and contact information is great! Sure it lacks any social context of Twitter or LinkedIn, but 4 colors and 3 fonts – someone put some time into that!
People – it really just isn’t that hard to do recruiting – but we make it look like we are trying to launch the space shuttle sometimes. Come on, at least put in a little effort!