Category Archives: Things

The One Email Every Employee Wants To Send

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Please raise your hand if you have ever drafted an email that you desperately wanted to fire off to your entire organization, or leadership, only to delete it – so to not ruin your career? I know most of you have  – because sometimes, in HR, we get to deal with those poor souls who didn’t have the will power to push ‘Delete’ and instead pushed ‘Send’.  In the HR business we call those employees – ‘Former Employees’!  I’ve coined a name for those emails – I like to call them ‘The Lotto Email’!  It’s the email you would feel comfortable sending the moment you return from picking up that overly sized Powerball check you just won.  You now have I-Don’t-Give-A-Sh*t money – and you’re completely unfiltered.

I don’t hold out hope I will ever win the lottery – but I imagine the email might look something like this:

Dear Fellow Employees,

I’m Rich Beeatch! (click here for context)

That being said I’d like to say a few things before not packing up any of this crap in my office and leaving forever.  To make this easier for you to cut and paste and send around later, I’ll bullet point this out into chunks – USA Today style – because I know most of you are slow and lose attention quickly:

– Mr. CEO – I know you think it’s probably adorable how you make comments about every woman in the office’s ass behind closed doors, but it’s not, it’s creepy – just like you.

– Mr. CFO – You’re an accountant – calm down – you’re not that important – just tell how much money we have and go back to being boring.

– Mrs. HR – Nobody likes you – this is just confirmation. BTW – everyone lies on your engagement surveys because all the managers use them as weapons, so it’s easier to lie and make you feel like what you do actually matters – it doesn’t.

– Mrs. COO – The CEO constantly talks about your ass. Hope that makes your meetings going forward more comfortable.

– Mary – I’ve always wanted to tell you that you are drop dead gorgeous, but your low self-esteem keeps you married to a complete asshole! I’m better than that – I won’t be that asshole. Here’s your chance – walk out of here with me Jerry Maguire style and let’s do this – otherwise I’m probably 5 drinks and 2 hours away from making some real bad decisions at a strip club.

– Ted – You’re a douche bag – everyone hates you.

There’s a bunch of other stuff I could to say – but really the only thing I really want to say is: I’m Rich Beeatch!

See you in the parking lot, Mary.

Former Employee

Obviously this wouldn’t be ‘my’ letter because I’m the President of my company!  My letter would be a lot of thanking everyone for everything and I’ll see you around, if you’re ever in the South of France on a large yacht – plus a bunch of positive stuff and how valuable each and every employee was to me personally. Follow by – “I’m Rich Beeatch!”

 

Actually, Money Does Buy Happiness!

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I think most people feel ‘charity’, in almost any form, makes people feel good.  You do something good for someone else, and it seems like whatever it was you did, makes you feel doubly good!  Harvard Business Review recently had a good article on how giving, especially money, can bring you happiness:

“Buffet recently penned an op-ed titled “My Philanthropic Pledge” — but rather than offer financial advice about giving, he suggested we give as a way to enhance our emotional wellbeing. Of his decision to donate 99% of his wealth to charity, Buffett said that he “couldn’t be happier.”

But do we need to give away billions like Buffet in order to experience that warm glow? Luckily for us ordinary folks, even more modest forms of generosity can make us happy. In a series of experiments, we’ve found that asking people to spend money on others — from giving to charity to buying gifts for friends and family — reliably makes them happier than spending that same money on themselves.

And our research shows that even in very poor countries like India and Uganda — where many people are struggling to meet their basic needs — individuals who reflected on giving to others were happier than those who reflected on spending on themselves. What’s more, spending even a few dollars on someone else can trigger a boost in happiness. In one study, we found that asking people to spend as little as $5 on someone else over the course of a day made them happier at the end of that day than people who spent the $5 on themselves.”

Who says money can’t buy happiness!  Just not in the way we traditionally think.  It’s not about the bigger house, or the nicer car, or the best wine – all those things will make you more comfortable in your life – but they aren’t guaranteed to bring you more happiness.  I’m also not naive to think that everyone would be happy giving away that which they worked hard for – for some that would be a nightmare – not a blessing.  That’s alright – that’s inclusion at its finest – we all have things that will make us happy.  I do think for the majority of our employees – donating time, money, skills, etc., helps them feel good about themselves – which makes it a little easier to feel happy about their place in the world.

Tomorrow morning I’m handing each one of my employees a $100 bill and asking them to go out into the world at some point their day and give it away – randomly – or not randomly – to someone other than themselves.  $100 isn’t a giant amount for my staff – but I’m sure it will have a big meaning to someone else – I think some of the people on my team will feel good about helping someone out – about surprising them and making their day/week/month.   My hope is they’ll come back with a smile and a story.  My hope is they’ll feel a little better about their day.  My hope is they’ll feel happy.  My hope is – money can buy happiness.

 

Live at SHRM 2013 – Don’t Rob My House

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Hey, I’m live today at the national SHRM 2013 conference in Chicago – please don’t rob my house while I’m gone!

This hit me this morning as I woke up in Chicago and thinking about the 15,000 plus participants here at SHRM with me, who’s watching their stuff while they’re out!?  Do you think there is a business opportunity here? House sitting for SHRM could be big business – for watchers or robbers! 😉

Here’s what I’m doing today –

– Meeting with Glassdoor and ADP – two companies that I think most people don’t really understand what they actually do now, compared to what we think they do.  (Check out Fistful for live interviews!)

– Live at The Hive at 2:30pm with the entire Fistful of Talent crew.

– Pimping the Expo floor to see what is new and innovative for HR and Recruiting.

– Hugs.

– DJ Jazzy Jeff cocktail party at the house of blues.

Initial perception – most companies are trying to be everything for everyone in HR.  We do talent management, we do payroll, we do succession, we do all HR all the time.  The problem is – they don’t.  Sure the software systems are probably much better than what you have currently – but it’s still a piece of software.  HR is ‘done’ by technology it’s done by people having conversations with other people, and solving problems.  The tech helps you do all of that faster – but you still have to do the heavy lifting and difficult conversations.

Don’t think you have to have the next big fancy thing to do great HR – you don’t.  If you have money and work in an environment that needs to move fast – there is some great systems available.  If you don’t have money – don’t use a tech excuse of they you can’t do great HR! The SHRM Expo has so many great things for HR and Talent Pros to buy, but all of them are nice to haves, not must haves.

One last thing – apparently at SHRM I’m a blogger – I’m not press. I’m cool with that, I don’t want to be considered press – to me ‘press’ is real writing – my writing is more graffiti than real writing.  But (there’s always a but!) – if you want me to ‘interview’ and meet with your vendors get the ‘press room Nazi’ off my back when I want to do that in quiet in the press room!  I was actually told today “You’re not press! You have to do that in the bloggers lounge!”, in front of the executive I was bringing in to interview!  Nothing like traditional SHRM making you feel like a second class citizen!

Knowing What You Want To Do

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Like most of my posts, this post just came to me as a thought and will probably take me about 5 minutes to write (alright grammar Nazi’s I hear you – maybe I should spend more than 5 minutes writing…). I was driving home the other day and had this thought about my kids – I tend to do my best thinking when I’m alone in the car signing.  I was thinking for how much I want my kids to be successful, it might be more important for me to wish them this one seemingly simple thing:

“The ability to know what you want to do in life.”

Simple, right?  Simple, but it seems like so many people I meet in life don’t know this and really struggle most of their life because of this one little concept.  Yeah, we know all the statistics – you’ll change jobs 132 times during your career, blah, blah, blah.  This is something you can’t give to someone -it’s truly their journey.  People go to college and can’t make this decision. They decide not to go to college and can’t make this decision.  They go and do and try and try again – and still don’t know what it is that they want to do in life.

I don’t take this concept lightly, and I don’t think most others do as well.  That is probably why it becomes just an overwhelming process.  “What is it that I want to do for the ‘rest’ of my life?”  There in lies the problem with this concept – ‘rest’ – to try and make someone chose what they want to do for the ‘rest’ of their life is almost impossible.  I think it’s great when I meet someone and they have this desire and passion of knowing what it is they want to do with their life.  It’s such a great energy to be around.  I’ve seen it in teachers, clergy, doctors, etc. – it feels like a calling to them.

But I can’t get over the majority – the majority of folks who don’t have this ‘calling’ and yet still feel like they are waiting for something to do for the ‘rest’ of their life.

Here’s what I will tell my sons when they feel this pressure put upon them by society, by me, by whomever feels it’s their right to place burden:

“Do it all.”

“Try everything. Then try it again if you want.” 

“Never feel like you have to do any one thing for the ‘rest’ of your life.”

G*d, I hope I have the foresight and courage to say this to them!  Knowing what you want to do in life, really at any given time, might be the greatest single gift you could have.

 

3 Ways Companies Can Help Moms and Themselves

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In about 2 weeks my 3 sons will be off of school for the summer.  That means my wife will lose her mind for the next 12 weeks as she has 3 smelly bodies running in and out of the house all day, lying around and doing what boys do – which at this point I think entails: eating, leaving their stuff lying around, eating, watching TV/Playing Ebox, eating, texting, eating, sleeping, eating, repeat.   I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I don’t understand the American public education system any longer.  When I was a kid I loved it – 3 months off of school during the only time in Michigan that is nice! What a great plan!  As a parent/adult I ceased believing this is a wise plan.

Will someone please explain to me why in 2013 we need to have kids off of school for 12 straight weeks?

Here are the answers I get:

– We need the kids to work the crops! (Not since 1930 was this a real reason!)

– We need the kids to work at the resorts for the tourism industry! (No you don’t – you need the kids off school so parents will take their kids on vacation and spend money at your resorts)

– Kids need a break to let their brains reboot! (I won’t even justify this with a response.)

Here’s the real answers:

– The Teachers Unions won’t negotiate a full year schedule because teachers love having the summers off.

– Some parents are stuck in this 1950’s notion that their kids need 12 weeks off in a row, because they got it, so should their kids. (Do you see the pattern of entitlement beginning to take place…)

– Politicians don’t have the guts to do the right thing, so they stick with what is currently in place, even though it was developed over 80 years ago when their was an actual need to have kids off during the summer months.  (This reason could be used for most of what ails America.)

So, here’s what I know: Having kids home for 12 straight weeks sucks for families.  Childcare is a nightmare – many kids forced to stay home by themselves or under watched, plus the additional cost is bad for families.  Kids unlearn way too much during this time off, forcing reeducation at the beginning of each year – which wastes time and resources.

What can ‘we’ do it about since politicians refuse to do anything about it?  I think companies can solve this.  There are some issues companies have with America’s education system right now.  Companies feel kids are prepared for the workforce, don’t have work ethic, aren’t being taught work-related skills, etc.  Instead of waiting around for the world to change – I think America Corporations can change the world ourselves.  Here are 3 things companies can do to help out Moms and help out themselves:

1. Job Corp.  Yep, good old fashion put kids (14 yrs old and above) to work learning and training on skills companies will need in the future.  No, I’m not talking about child labor – I’m talking about starting kids out in an environment where they go to work with their parents and learn how to actually work.  Want to see some real change in America?!  Imagine having to take your 15 year old with you to work each day for 12 weeks!  Take your child to work – Everyday!  That’s Big Change!

2. Community volunteer programs. Companies rotate paid sabbaticals for the 12 weeks where the company workers lead teams of kids on community based projects.  Help elderly fix up their homes, clean up parks and waterways, beautify our cities, clean up vacant lots, etc.  Can you imagine the change that would happen if for 30-40 hours per week, for 12 weeks all of the kids 8 years and up in America were working across the country volunteering?!  That is unimaginable change!

3. Change Public Education.  Corporations need to strongly voice their displeasure with the current public school scheduling, and demand a change.  Full year schedules. Longer days.  Kids will still get time off – just spread those weeks around the year where it makes better sense to learning.  This can be done.  We just have to let politicians know this by not funding their campaigns if they won’t support this change.

What would you do to help out families facing the annual summer break?

Happiness is Chosen

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I’m a big proponent of the concept you have no ability whatsoever to make someone happy.  You can be the best, most energetic, positive person in the world and you have absolutely no ability to make someone happy if they do not want to be happy.  Each individual makes a choice, no matter the situation they are in, to be happy and enjoy life, or to be miserable and complain, or maybe it’s dependent on the day, situation, etc., they are somewhere in the middle of those two points.

It’s not your job.  It’s not your spouse.  It’s not your boss.  It’s you.

How do I know this?  I’ll give you one example of a 18 year old boy who has terminal cancer, only a few months to live, and he ‘chose’ happiness.  Zach Sobiech has an amazing story that you must experience – perspective is something I don’t think we ever get enough of.  Zach chose to use music and lyrics to get out his feelings and leave a legacy to his family and friends, and became a YouTube sensation with his song “Clouds” – video below –

His full story is here and will be the most powerful thing you’ll watch in a very long time – it’s 20 minutes – you won’t be able to stop watching it.  Zach died this week from his cancer and I felt compelled to share his story.

Happiness is chosen.

A Car Ride To Laramie

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There are times in your life you’ll never forget.  Take a moment and think about your past.  What comes to mind?  It’s funny how we can recall some very important moments – graduating, getting married, birth of a child, etc., but we also recall some very, for what it seems now, insignificant moments as well.  I thought of one recently – and I was able to recall it like it was yesterday.  In the summer of 1988 I made a decision to forgo an academic scholarship at Western Michigan University and drive 1200 miles to attend the University of Wyoming.  I never went and visited UW, and being that it was 1988 – I couldn’t even have looked it up on the internet.  I had a friend who was there and the extent of the conversation was “hey, they have a men’s volleyball team here – come out and play”.

I packed up my 1979 Ford Mustang and set out with an atlas of the United States my father had given me.  It was August and hot, and my car had no air conditioning and an 8 track tape player.  I bought a cassette tape adapter, filled up the tank with everything an 18 year old had to there name and drove west.  Here’s the exact moment I remember –

I’m driving across western Illinois on I80 – it’s basically truck stops and corn fields.  The sun is shining hot, the windows are down and the music was loud (because of how loud the wind noise was driving down the highway with your windows down).  I had this feeling of hope like I had never felt before.  Of wonderment.  An energy that you only feel when starting something new.  It was a feeling of – I’m starting my life.  For the first time – the life I would be living would be mine – and it was glorious.

It’s not a memory most of us get to have frequently.  Usually once – then real life comes along and kicks you in the ass at some point (Dad forgot to mention that part as he handed me a cooler of cold drinks on my way out of Grand Rapids!).

Starting something new.

Think about that the next time you’re trying to figure out how to get something launched or start something over within your organization.  Starting is where the fun happens – not where the work begins.  Starting is where you still have hope.  Where everything is positive.  When your energy level will be highest.  Don’t waste the start.  Relish in it – make it last – don’t discount it. Crazy how a simple car ride to Laramie can mean so much.

 

SHRM Conference Rejection #2

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I got a SHRM Strategy Conference rejection letter last week.  Some of you might remember the last rejection I got from SHRM – if not – here’s the post on FOT – SHRM Doesn’t Like Us – But You Should.   Here’s the email from rejection #2:

SHRM rejection 2
Here’s what I wish Letty would have done instead:

Dear Tim,

Thank you for submitting a presentation proposal….blah, blah, blah.

I either liked it or didn’t like, it doesn’t matter  – we didn’t select it.  We didn’t select it because: (followed by 3 actual reasons)

1. The content didn’t fit what we wanted to do – next time try….

2. It’s been done before a thousands times – next time try…

3.  You have no idea what you’re talking about, etc., etc., etc.

Please try again next time – if you want some pointers catch me at the next conference and we can have a cup a coffee.

Letty

There’s no doubt Letty is smart – George Washington MBA grad – actually worked at a staffing company (you would think Letty would have a kinship with me!), long time SHRM employee.  I’ve been a SHRM SPHR holder and member since 2001 – and I keep hearing how they want ‘fresh blood’ and ‘new ideas’ and, yet, every SHRM conference I attend I see the same content, same faces presenting, same SHRM.  I’ve actually seen a presentation from a guy at SHRM national who has been doing the same presentation for the last 10 years – he just changes the dates on the first slide!   I wanted to shoot myself.  But I stayed and he gave me these tips for getting accepted by Letty and the SHRM crew:

1. Sell out.  Go completely old school HR – FMLA is exciting, OHSA rocks, I have 4 cats.

2. Make a title that sounds so boring you fall asleep actually making it – but make sure to use words like: Strategic, Influence and Results.

3. Don’t say anything slightly controversial in your bio or presentation description – don’t piss off the powers that be.

Sorry, crew – I won’t do it.  Truth be told Kris Dunn and I actually did follow these rules for the 2012 SHRM national show and got accepted – but then did the presentation the way we wanted to just using SHRM’s boring title slide.  It was well attended, we got great feedback and got strong survey numbers – and – we didn’t get invited back this year.

Letty, Letty, Letty – it’s O.K. – I don’t bite, really!  I’m a former headhunter like you, our kind needs to stick together!

Ugh – this just sounds like sour grapes.  I give up on trying to help SHRM.

PeopleCompanies

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I’ll give inspiration for this post to awesome HR Pro Trish McFarlane. Trish posted a small little vent on Facebook this week about all these HR companies who use “People” as part of their corporate name – and none of us really know what the hell they do.  So, I’m going to help you out and tell you what I think they do based on their company Name!  Here we go:

PeopleClues – I’m going to assume they are finding out ‘clues’ about people – probably people we want to hire into our companies.  The problem is I don’t want ‘clues’ – I want ‘Facts’!  Please change your name to ‘PeopleFacts’ – and then I will work with you. Truth be told – I have no clue.

PeopleScout – Seems like a never easy one – a company who is going to go out and ‘scout’ people for you.  Not Boy or Girl scout. Scout as in find.  As in pilgrim days when you went to go ‘scout’ out a site to build your cabin.  Solid.  I hope that’s what they actually do!

PeopleFluent – Um, I’ve got nothing.  But that never stopped me before!  When I think ‘fluent’ I think language – “Why Yes, I’m fluent in Spanglish!” So, this clearly is a company who will help out your company when you have interpreting issues, language barriers and such.   I don’t have that issue, but it’s good to know such a niche company exists.

PeopleTalent – I’m guessing staffing firm – only a staffing firm would think “You know what the world needs – they need people and they need talent – PeopleTalent”

PeopleCorp – No idea.  A corporation that is run by people and not machines, but it’s really run by machines – but they want you to think it’s run by people.

PeopleMatch – This screams assessments – but it could also be staffing.  Either way I’m betting on a catchy slogan like – “We Match People!”

PeopleSoft – This is clearly an American company.  We are people.  We are soft.  Thanks for point out we are fat and miserable.

PeopleAnswers – I’m hoping this is a company that you can call and they will have answers for you about your employees that you don’t get. “Why does Tim have tuna fish on Tuesdays each week?”

PeopleClick – Probably started in late 90’s, early 2000’s – the computer mouse goes ‘click’ – we’re techy and in the HR space – People + Click = PeopleClick.  Potential million dollar ad campaign – “We’ll find you Talent in the Click of a button”

PeopleReport – Sounds like a company started by a bunch of ex-principals.  What’s better than HR and the ability to report what everyone is doing wrong!?  Absolutely nothing!

PeopleMatter – No they don’t.

PeopleNet – This is probably a late 80’s, early 90’s – even before ‘click’ – we had ‘The Net’ – another tech savvy HR company who wanted a techy sounding HRish name.  No idea what they do – could be a sourcing company – ‘We throw a wide ‘net’ around talent’  (I really should have gone into used car sales marketing)

PeopleQuest – True story – on my son’s baby name list – ‘Quest’ – was an actual option!  Can you imagine growing up with a name like – Quest!  The world would be your oyster. You would be unstoppable – Watch the F out -here comes Quest!  In terms of this company – I’m guessing staffing again – you’re on a quest to find talent or some lame thing.

People-Results – First off let me tell you this company almost didn’t make the list because of the Hyphen in the name!  What People-Results are you too good to eliminate the hyphen, or do you feel people are too stupid to understand it’s two words and not one?  Performance Management all the way – People and Results – it’s all we ever wanted!

PeopleVerified – Background checking.  We need to know is this is a verified person or not.  Apparently is takes 48 hours to find this out from a background check company – or you can Google – it takes 48 seconds!

I honestly didn’t look at any of these companies before I gave my assessment!  How close did I come?  To be fair – I actually knew PeopleSoft and PeopleReport – I’ve worked with both. All the others?  No idea!  Really. How’s that feel marketing pros?