I like telling stories, it’s one of my favorite things to do.  I also love listening to stories.  If I’m ever in a Barnes and Noble and someone is reading a story out loud to a bunch of kids in the kid’s section, on those little benches – you can bet I’ll be pushing 3 kids off a bench, sitting front row captivated chewing on one of my fingers, listening intently.  Great story telling is a skill, and one that most people can learn if they give themselves enough chances, and feel some deep emotion about the story they want to share.

So, what does this have to do with HR and our ability to be heard?

Seth Godin recently had this to say on this blog:

“A statement of fact is insufficient and often not even necessary to persuade someone of your point of view.”

Powerful statement all by itself.  In HR we love facts, we use them like bullets in gun, firing shots across conference room tables.  Only to watch the head of marketing standup and and use his storytelling shield to stop each shot.  It drives us crazy to sit there and listen to some silly story, when we have the facts, and watch an executive side with the silly story over the facts, almost every time. “I mean really! You’re going to go with the story about how his kid fingered painted all over the walls of his new house, over the fact I handed you a spread sheet showing you we are bleeding turnover to determine who should get more money for their projects?!” Well, yes, actually.

More from Seth:

Politicians, non-profits and most of all, amateur marketers believe that all they need to do to win the day is to recite a fact. You’re playing Monopoly and you say, “I’ll trade you Illinois for Connecticut.” The other person refuses, which is absurd. I mean, Illinois costs WAY more than Connecticut. It’s a fact. There’s no room for discussion here. You are right and they are wrong.

But they still have the property you want, and you lose. Because all you had was a fact.

On the other hand, the story wins the day every time. When the youngest son, losing the game, offers to trade his mom Baltic for Boardwalk, she says yes in a heartbeat. Because it feels right, not because it is right.

Stories make connections.  Connections drive people to act and behave differently.  Things change when behaviors change.  Facts don’t do that – connections do that.  As HR Pros we need to make more connections for our employees, hiring managers and senior leadership teams.  I’m not saying don’t have the facts – you will still need those – just don’t lead with the facts every time.  Once in a while lead with that story about how you met your spouse, or found your dog, or got caught washing your kitchen floor in your boxer shorts on your hands and knees by your neighbors (I mean totally just as an example…).

I spent the last few days down at Illinois SHRM State Conference – and what a great event and lineup it was – the best state SHRM conference I’ve been to, their lineup of speakers was incredible.  One speaker, though, hit home with especially – Jason Seiden.  It wasn’t the first time I’ve heard Jason speak, but for whatever reason, maybe I was just actually listening this time, what he had to say really hit home.  Jason has trademarked a new term called “Profersonal” – basically as a new word for us HR Pros to use versus “Work-Life Balance”.

Jason believes we are sending our employees the wrong message using “Work-Life Balance”.  When we use that term, we are telling our employees that Life (your personal life) is good and you must have more of it, meaning “Work” must be the opposite. What is the opposite of “Life”? Death!  So, we are saying Work = Death, and Personal Time = Life.  In those terms – you’ll never find “Balance”, who the hell wants “Death” over “Life” when given the choice.  When we as HR Pros start pushing Work-Life Balance – what are we really pushing onto our employees? Death or Life? And, do you want to be pushing that message?

Why I love this concept of “Profersonal” is that it is has the conjunction implies – “professional” and “personal” combined.  In everything you do, you are one person. I’m not one person at work, then go home and I’m somebody else – how satisfying is that?! living two lives.   It’s something I try and get across to my team, but it seems like the millennial really struggle with this concept of “Profersonal”.  They still want their personal life and their professional life to be separate.    They want to put up photos of their weekend excursion on Facebook, and not have to worry about what clients and co-workers might think (maybe checkout Google + circles!).  They believe that to be truly successful, you can’t show someone how you are in your professional life, how you are in your personal life.  I think that kind of life would suck!  “I yam what I am yam” as Popeye would say.

I know that not everyone is going to like the “Profersonal” me – I get that – that’s the risk I take.  But I’ll tell you a little secret – I’ve worked at jobs where I tried to be someone I wasn’t – and it wasn’t a better me.  The times I’m happiest, the times I’m most productive, I’m most enthusiastic – is when I’m me.  I like the professional me, and I like the personal me, and I willing to share both freely with anyone.  That my friends is “Balance” – when you are comfortable enough to live full time in your own skin – you don’t need work-life balance – and you can just live.

Thanks Jason for putting a word to what I feel every day – “Profersonal”!

Check Jason out, buy his book, invite him to come speak at your company or event – you won’t be sorry!

Every Monday morning we have a recruiter meeting at HRU.  The purpose of the meeting is for our recruiting department to share with each other what they are working on, what they’ve accomplished the prior week, and give in updates that the full group might need to know.  Something came up this morning that I wanted to share.  Like most recruiting departments/companies/etc. we have our “Repeat Offenders”  – these are the people who just won’t give up.  At one point, a recruiter probably called them, and maybe even interviewed them, possibly even hired them – but now, they won’t leave you alone – they call, they email, they LinkedIn, send Facebook Friend requests, etc. Basically, they become a stalker!

This morning, one of the recruiters says “Mr. Jones (I’ve changed the name to protect the guilty) won’t stop bugging me, he emails his resume to me ‘every’ day!”  We all know Mr. Jones, because Mr. Jones use to work for us at a client, and it didn’t turn out so well.  Now, Mr. Jones wants us to find him his next assignment.  The problem with Mr. Jones isn’t skill related, it’s personality related – he’s annoying.  He was annoying to the client and to his work group peers, he is annoying to us, and I’m pretty sure he was annoying to his ex-wife – thus the “ex”!

So, the BIG question. How do you get Mr. Jones to stop bugging you?  This happens to every single recruiter I know eventually.

Here are the steps I use:

1. Tell Them!

That’s it – no more steps.  Here’s our problem as recruiters – we never want to burn a bridge.  “Well, Tim, you don’t know where he might go, who might hire him, I don’t want to ruin my reputation”  Bullshit.  You’re being conflict avoidant, and if you look at your last performance review, I bet under “opportunities” is probably says something about avoiding conflict or not confronting issues head on.  I had a very good HR mentor once tell me – “it’s best to deliver them that gift, then to allow them to walk around not knowing”.  Once you start being straightforward you’ll be amazed at how many people will say, “No one has ever told me that!”  That’s the problem – no one ever tells them the truth, thus they keep doing the wrong thing, instead of trying to fix what is wrong.

How do you get an annoying candidate to stop bugging you?  You tell them exactly, very specifically, very calmly, with no ill intent – “I want to give you a gift.  You might not see it as a gift right now, but I hope in time you’ll understand it to be a very valuable gift.  I (don’t use “we” or “us” or “the company – you’re avoiding again by using those) – I think you have a very bad personality flaw that comes across annoying to me, and from the feedback I have received, to those you work with.  If this does not change, I won’t be finding you any job in the future, and you’ll probably struggle to find one on your own as well.”  OUCH! That hurt right?  But, read it again, was there anything mean or untrue in the statement? If this person actually listens to the statement and acts on it, will they be better for it?  You can change the reason for whatever issue the person might have – maybe it’s hygiene, maybe it’s a crazy laugh, who knows – but the basic message stays the same.  You need to change, or I never want to speak to you again.

It’s hard for recruiters to understand this, because 99% have been taught to be nice, thoughtful people – not to be rude.  This sounds a bit rude.  In reality, I think it’s rude to string a person along and not care enough about them to actually tell them what is wrong and to help them.  Stop telling candidates your blow off lines and start telling candidates the truth.  At the very least, you’ll have more time on your hands to talk to the candidates you really want to speak to!

I’ve been told that I over communicate from time to time – I like to think it’s a good thing – that I’m transparent – that I’m keeping everyone in the loop – but in fact – over communicating is as bad as under communicating.   Over communicating usually starts because someone told you that you don’t communicate enough – so you go right-ditch, left-ditch in your attempt to correct – you over-correct.   Great communicators say what needs to be said, when it needs to be said and to whom it needs to be said – nothing more, nothing less.

So, what does Over Communicating say about you:

– That you can’t put together a clear and concise thought.

– That you don’t have buy-in from the group/person you are trying to communicate with, so you keep communicating hoping that will make them buy-in (this is the I’m going to keep talking until you cave into my way of thinking person – and you know – it works to often!)

– That you don’t value other peoples time.

– That you don’t know your audience.

– That what you have to say is more important than what others have to say or believe.

– That you like to hear yourself talk, or read the words you write.

Over communicating comes in many forms, but the one that drives me absolutely crazy is what I call the One Size Fits All Communication.  This is when a person has a specific problem or issue with something – but instead of directly communicating with the individual that can solve the problem – they communicate with a blanket approach.  See if this sounds familiar:

Mary isn’t coming into work on time – it’s not terrible, she is only 5 or 10 minutes late, or she’s there on time, but it’s running in the door right at 8am, and then isn’t settled down and working until 8:15am.  Everyone else in Mary’s department is there before their start time and working when they should.  Pam the supervisor sends out a memo to the entire staff reminding them when the staff starting time is, and what is expected.  She goes on to tell the staff what discipline will ensue if this rule isn’t followed (up to and including Termination! Us HR folks love the phrase “up to and including termination” – I should sell t-shirts that say that!).

Very familiar, right?!  You’ve probably seen one of these memos in the last 90 days!

What does this say about this leader?  Clearly, they are conflict avoidant and lack the ability to deal with problems head on.  The problem with this approach is that the leader loses credibility with the rest of her staff.  They all get it – they all know Mary is a slacker and taking advantage – then Pam goes off and slaps each of their hands for something Mary is doing. Many times, over communicators are individuals that fear direct conflict, and their over communication is a veil drawn over their fear to deal with problems head-on.

What can you do?  Be straightforward.  Check for understanding and clarity. Move on.