I had a conversation this past week with an author looking for a quote from me on some diversity topics, and since I’m in HR, well, of course I’m finely suited to talk diversity.  Here’s what I found funny, though, about the whole experience – I found myself thinking less about coming up with some profound wisdom to share with the masses, and more about making sure I don’t come across like some Grand Master of the KKK.  This is when it hit me – HR doesn’t get White People!  You know – guys like me – white – male – 40ish; I’m like a Purple Squirrel in HR!  I mean in HR we are all about diversity. Diversity is what we do, so we live it, we hire it, we are IT!

But, I get it.  I’m fine walking this lonely road within HR and being a white male.  It’s what HR is all about, right?  Diversity!  And what says Diversity more than a white male 40ish short dude, in HR – I know crazy right!?  It’s like your mom in IT pumping out JAVA code – it just doesn’t fit.  So, as usual, I’m here to help – so I give to you this holiday season my first gift:

HR’s Guide To White People:

1. Passive-Aggressive:  It’s critical that you understand that white people are passive-aggressive.  We like to get our way, but we don’t want to get our hands dirty.  We aren’t going to get up-all-in-your face, we will subtly torture you until you do it our way.

2. Throwing Ourselves On The Sword:  White people like to feel bad, we love tragedy – but in a good way – well the best way you can take a tragedy!  It makes us feel good inside knowing it’s going to be bad, and might get worse.  It allows us to complain and have lower expectations.

3. We Want To Be Hip:  White people desperately want to be hip, but we can’t figure out that whole – Nigga v. Nigger thing – so we give up – see points 1 and 2 above.  We listen to hip-hop and rap, but only by ourselves, and we label it “urban” on our iPod lists so not to offend.

4. We like to buy really expensive cheap crap if it helps animals or kids: Stop it, don’t judge – but I would definitely step over 3 homeless people to get a new pair of Tom’s! But not four homeless people, I have emotional limits, and short legs. Your welcome poor kid who just got a new pair of shoes – that makes me feel so good inside!

5.  Snow Sports: White people like snow sports. You don’t have to be real athletic, and you need a bunch of money to do it – so it fits us pretty well.  Stop having conventions in warm places – how about a freaking convention in Breckenridge or Vail every once in a while, you racist convention planners!

6. Management: White people don’t really like management – don’t get me wrong – we want to be management, just so we are clear.  We just don’t want somebody managing us.

7. Leadership: Yes, this is different than management. Let’s face it, white people love to cheer-lead and nothing says cheerleader, motivation and Tony Robbins like Leadership!  Give me a 6 set series of DVD’s and a book on tape and get out of my way!

8. Diversity: See no. 3, somehow we think that supporting diversity will get us a best friend who is black, Hispanic or Asian – thus make us so much more hipper than those white people who are to scared to speak to non-white people.

9. Awareness: White people love to be Aware!  Aware of your feelings, aware of the situation in north Africa, aware of just about anything – it makes us feel important.

10. Being An Expert on YOUR culture: Since white people aren’t completely thrilled about their own culture, we love being an expert about YOUR culture.  We will travel to your country, we will learn your language, we will take on your religion. It helps cleanse our soul for past digressions.

Bonus Guide to White People likes: Coffee, Organic Food, Gifted Children, Hating Their Parents, Wine, Microbrews, Farmer’s Markets, 80s Nights and Mos Def.

Use these insights wisely to create an environment your white people will feel comfortable and welcomed in.  Now I’m off to listen to PBS and drink an $8 bottle of water.

I listen to Jim Rome on sports talk radio and occasionally catch his ESPN show Jim Rome is Burning – he has classic bits he does about the people who makes us laugh in sports – Slow Pitch Softball Guy, Likes to Fight Guy, Gym Guy, Golf Guy, Pickup Basketball Guy, etc.  As soon as you mention the name you get the picture in your mind or know that one person at your office that immediately fits the description – they are over the top, and usually have no idea how much of an ass they make of themselves.

I ran into a guy today that we all run into from time to time, as we meander from conference room to conference room, on our endless day of meetings – he’s Likes to Argue His Point Guy!  Bam!  Someone came right to your mind didn’t it!?  So, what does Likes to Argue His Point Guy look like?  I’m glad you asked:

• He’s the kind of guy who stands up in a meeting where no one else stands up – just so you know he’s serious.

• He’s the guy who isn’t listening, he’s just waiting to respond to whatever your saying, as fast as possible.

• He’s the guy who talks louder than everyone else in the meeting, just he’s sure you heard his side of things.

• He’s the guy who talks with his hands and slams his fist down on the table – for effect!

• He’s the guy you cringe at when he walks into the room and you were hoping he wouldn’t be in “this” meeting.

• He’s the guy that no matter what metrics and logic you present – he’s not buying.  G*d made this world flat for a reason and you’re not telling him that’s it’s round!

• He’s the guy who will fight to the death to win the battle, not understanding it just cost him the war.

Don’t be Likes to Argue his Point Guy – no one likes this guy, they barely tolerate him and no one wants to work him.

By the way – Likes to Argue his Point Guy – also comes in a female version!

Each week I listen and speak with Recruiting Pros who have a language all their own – like most professions – but for me it’s always fun to listen to what each person is really trying to say to you.  Here are some of my favorite:

Offer Pending:  What it means – “I’m going to make an offer to an individual”; What it really means – “I didn’t pre-close the candidate, so I don’t know if they’ll accept” or “I made them the offer, but they haven’t accepted, but I don’t want you to know that, yet”

Professional References: What it means – “References from those who have supervised you in a previous job”; What it really means – “Those references that you gave me, who are your father’s best friend, your girlfriends dad and your 7th grade basketball coach – don’t count.  We don’t trust they will give us a true insight to how lazy you really are.”  or “my boss feels better about your previous boss telling us how great you are versus your priest telling us how great you are”

Market Offer:  What it means – “We combed through salary survey data to determine what the going salary should be for your position, in this geographic area”; What it really means – “We did our budgets 16 months ago and didn’t anticipate the market moving so fast for this position, so here’s what we can afford to offer you.”

Excellent Benefits Package:  What it means – “We offer a wide array of benefit options, which are paid in full by us and you’ll not have to worry about anything.”; What it really means – “We offer the same kind of benefit package as everyone else – virtually – but saying we offer a “Benefit Package The Same As Everyone Else” doesn’t have the same ring to it as “Excellent Benefit Package”.

An “A” Candidate – What it means – “This candidate is top level talent in the industry, with the reputation and references to back up their experience.”; What it really means – “This is the best person (or only person) we could find to accept your marginal pay rate, crappy location and bad company culture.”

Niche Recruiter – What it means – “The recruiter only networks and recruits for a specific skill set, and/or industry.” What it really means – “You think you need someone who specifically networks and recruits only for what you are looking for – the reality is a great recruiter can find you anyone you need regardless of skill/industry – but it makes you feel better if we tell you we have that specific niche.  So we are “Niched”.

I blame marketing for all of this!  No one can just say what is really on their mind anymore – it’s not “P.C.”  Instead we “dance” with each other and tell each other what we want to hear – and we leave with this wonderful false sense of security that everything is fine.  And you know what – it usually is – about 99% of the time.  That’s the problem – it’s that 1% of the time that you need a true partner who is going to tell you “what does this really mean”, instead of “tell me what I really want to hear” – it’s what gets Talent and HR Pros in trouble!   When in doubt – Speak the truth.

I ran into an age old issue last week, which for some reason hadn’t come up for a very long time, but there he was staring me right in the face, and I still don’t get it!  Here’s the issue – should you post the salary (or your desired salary range based on experience, yadda, yadda…) for the position you are hiring, or not?

My guess is you clicked on this post because you wanted to find out which kind of HR Manager position pays $374K! Well, none – but you clicked – I win – but while you’re here – let’s take a look at the issue at play because it’s a polarizing issue amongst HR Pros.

I say – post the salary – right out in front for God and everyone to see.  It will create most interest, which gives you a larger pool of candidates, which gives you better odds at filling your position with the type of talent that fits your organization.  It allows you to eliminate many candidates who won’t accept your job, because you’re too cheap. Sure you’ll get some people who see $98K, and they are making $45K, but they want to make $98K – so they send their resume – hoping.  But we’re smarter than that – plus, maybe Mr. $45K would be a great fit for me for another position, or in 3 more years when I have the same position open.

Posting the salary on a job post creates 137% more candidate traffic, than those posts which don’t list salary – or at least it feels that way to me when I do it that way!  I’m sure Eric and Matt over at Monster can probably come up with some more precise figures on this exactly – but I’ll bet my made up math isn’t too far from correct.  It’s common sense – you walk by a store and see “help wanted” – no one goes in. You walk by the store and you see “Help Wanted $12/hr” – and they have a line out the door asking for applications.

There are only 3 reasons you wouldn’t list the target salary for the position you are hiring for:

1. You know you’re paying below market, and you don’t want to the competition to know, because they’ll cherry pick your best people

2. You can’t find the talent you want, so you’ve increased the salary target, but you aren’t going to increase the salary of the poor suckers already working for you at the lower amount.

3. You don’t know what you’re doing!

Look, I get it – I’ve been there.  You don’t want to list salary because your current employees don’t understand that while the position title is the same, you are “really” looking for someone with more experience.  Or, we just don’t have the budget to raise up everyone already working for us, but we really need some additional talent. Or, we’ve always did it this way, and we want people who are “interested in us” and not money.  Well, let me break it to you gently – you’re an idiot.  People are interested in you because the value equation of what you are offering fits into their current lifestyle!  Otherwise, you could just move forward as a volunteer organization now couldn’t you?!

Do yourself a favor – don’t make recruiting harder than it has to be.  Just tell people what you have to offer – “We’re a great place to work, we have these benefits, they’ll cost you about this much, and we are willing to pay “$X” for this position” – if this is you – we want to speak to you. If it’s not – that’s great to – check back because we might have something for you in the future.

Also, let me know if you find an HR Manager job that pays $374K – I know the perfect candidate!

I’m an American dammit, and American’s like deals – we want 40% – 60% off stuff, even if you priced that crap up 75% to begin with (hello Kohl’s!) – I don’t care – just give me a receipt that shows I saved $45 dollars on a $90 pair of shoes and I’m sold!   I think HR Pros are even worse at this concept – probably because 75% of us are  female and like a good sale as much as the next guy gal, but also because we rarely have any money in our budget, so we need to make our dollar stretch!

This is why I think it’s funny that most HR Pros do a terrible job at trying to get Talent on Sale.  Yep, you read that correctly – you can get great talent on sale, but we often refuse to do it.  Here are some of the best talent bargains we often miss:

1. New College Grads: This can be tricky in finding a real deal.  First, you have to get one that has cut the purse strings from mommy and daddy, and doesn’t want a freaking trophy for just showing up to work.  I look for new grads that had to work their way through college in the dirtiest job possible – those are the kids who really get it – get what it takes to work.  Also, look for kids who worked nights and weekends – even if your schedule doesn’t need them to – they’ll just appreciate you 9 to 5 environment even more!

2. Alumni: This seems like an obvious one, but as I talk to HR Pros around the country, most hiring managers still struggle in hiring back employees who left them, looking for greener pastures.  If an HR Pro can talk their hiring managers into really tapping this pool, you can find some great bargains, because the people come in already trained and already acclimated to the culture – two huge over-looked values when hiring new.   This is really an ego thing with hiring managers – if you can get them to check it at the door – you can make some great hires.  Before you go put a ton of money into a Boomerang or Alumni type program, spend some time surveying your hiring managers – what you find might surprise you!

3. Old People: Before you blow a gasket on the term “old people” – let me explain.  I use to be young, now I’m over 40 – and while I still feel young, my kids look at me like I should be in a museum on display!  People aren’t lying when they say 30 is the new 20 and 40 is the new 30 – people are beginning careers later in life, living much longer, and healthier than ever.  So, when I see someone who is now 60 – I can’t think – oh, they’re only a few years away from retirement. Heck, they might not retire until 75 or later – and I’ll take 15 great years from a hire – especially from someone who has proven over the past 40 at what they can do.  This is the greatest untapped labor pool in America right now!

4. Single Moms and Dads: OK, you’re going to have some attendance and flexibility issues, but if you know that going into the hire – you won’t find anyone else who “has” to work harder to make it all work.  Some of the best workers I’ve ever had are the full-time single moms and dads (where no other parent is in the picture) and they’ve proven they can handle the single parent role for a few years. Word of caution – new single parents will have many more issues than ones who have figured it out.

So, am I advocating paying these people less? No!  What I’m saying is you’ll get more for your dollar with some of these hires than you’ll get from your college grad, 5-7 years of experience with one employer. Why?  Because every hiring manager is looking for the latter – and thus that market gets overly inflated for no reason.

Where else do you find your talent bargains?

photo credit: http://www.couponaudit.com