HR Can’t Forget Your Past

What I’ve found in HR is that most great lessons are taught to you by the Spice Girls.

“If you want my future, forget my past”

So, I’m going to tell you what I want. What I really, really want.

I want you to understand this one little concept – HR has the memory of an elephant!  Seriously.  If you do something wrong, if you screw up once, don’t think your going to “work through it” and change their mind in the future.  It won’t happen.  HR loves to label employees.  Oh, Steve is our best sales guy – even though he hasn’t closed a deal in 3 years.  Mary is a drama queen – because she had drama 18 months ago, but nothing since.  Doesn’t matter – HR has you labeled!

So, what should you do?

If you screw up, if you already know you’ve been labeled, if you’ve been talked to more than once about a specific issue – you need to move on with your career to a new organization. Period.  Being talked to “more than” once is key.  You can live, organizationally, after being talked to once, because it might be forgotten.  Once you’re talked to twice, or more, it’s probably documented and thus you’ll have an organizational lifetime label (or OLL as we say in the business!).  O.L.L’s happen all the time.  Sleep with one subordinate, and now you’ll always be “that” creepy boss who sleeps with their employees.  Unless you marry that person – then you’ll be labeled positively as having ‘commitment’.  Unless, you then get divorced from that person because you slept with another employees – then you’re back to “creepy boss”.

It works that way on the positive side as well.  When I was working for Applebee’s we had a General Manager who had taken a ‘broken’ restaurant and turned it around to be a ‘star’ restaurant.  We actually moved this person to two other ‘broken’ restaurants to perform their ‘magic’, but they failed both times.  Still that person’s name was brought up every single time a ‘broken’ restaurant was brought up as needing someone to fix it.  What really happened was the first restaurant they fixed had more to do with the “team” that was put in place to fix that restaurant than that one person.  When that one person was put in other similar circumstances, with different teams, they failed.  Yet – the past followed this person around like they were Mr. Broken Restaurant Fixer.  You see – it works both ways – but with the same outcome – HR isn’t going to forget your past!

Here’s the real problem with this concept – you won’t find one HR person who will admit to it!  That’s why I say – if you really, really wanna zigazig ha – you need to move on.

The Secret to Happy Work

We’ve all been sold a really harmful lie, by a lot of people.  That lie is:  To be truly happy at work, you must do what you love (or some variation of the same theme). It’s complete garbage that is usually told to you by – an ultra-rich people who can do anything they want, someone who really doesn’t have to earn a living because they have a spouse earning a living for them or someone who just flat out got lucky, right place-right time and does something they actually love.  I know, I know – “Tim, you create your own luck!” – said by the same idiot who’s wife is a brain surgeon and allows her deadbeat husband to be a “writer” at home.

Still most of us define our happiness like this:

Step 1 – Work really super hard.

Step 2 – Really super hard work will make you successful.

Step 3 – Being successful will make me happy.

I hate to break this to you – being successful will not make you happy.  It will allow you to buy a lot of stuff, you’ll probably have less money arguments and you might even feel good about your success, but if you’re not happy before all of that, there is a really good chance you won’t be happy after to gain success.

Let’s start with this concept:

Work Success ≠ Happiness

Have you ever met someone working a dead-end job, a just-not-going-anywhere type of job, but they are completely joyous?  I have.  I envy those people.  They do not define their happiness in life by the level of success they’ve obtained in their career. Their happiness is defined by a number of other things: are their basic needs met, do they enjoy the people they surround themselves with, do they have a positive outlook on life, etc.  These individuals do not allow the external world to impact their happiness.  Their happiness is derived from within.

In HR I’ve been forced to learn this, because I’ve had people try and sell me on that Engagement =’s Happiness – which is also a lie.  I’ve had incredibly engaged workers who are very unhappy people and very happy people who were not engaged.  I’ve found over time, I can do almost nothing to “make” someone be happier.  I’m an external factor to their life.  Don’t get me wrong – as a leader I can give praise and recognition, I can give merit and bonuses, etc. While that might have a short-term impact to ones happiness, it’s not truly lasting happiness that comes from within.

So, how can you help someone find their happiness?  I think we have to start realizing that you don’t have to ‘work’ at something you love, to have happiness at work.  Putting work into perspective of life is key. I like what I do a whole bunch – hell, I blog about it! But if I really thought about it, I don’t ‘love’ it.  I love my family.  I love floating on a lake on a warm summer day.  I love listening to my sons laugh in pure joy.  I find my happiness in many ways – only part of which I gain through my career. My secret to happy work is finding happiness in a number of aspects in my life.  That way if I’m having a bad day at work, or a bad day at home, I still have pockets of happiness I can adjust my focus to.

What is your secret to being happy at work?

An Open Annual Holiday Letter

Each year for the past 15 years I’ve written an annual Sackett Family Holiday letter that got sent out to friends and family.  Now that I have a blog, the thought of writing a letter to be mailed out seemed so 2005!  So, I decided to just write my annual letter here instead – send out the link – and Bam – I saved a couple hundred bucks in snowflake paper, printing and postage!  We are right in the middle of annual holiday letter season right now – yesterday I actually received 8 in the mail, and I would say that’s probably an average daily number.

Nowadays, you don’t just receive a letter, but you also receive the annual family pic as well – it’s usually the straight Sears Photo Studio annual Christmas Tree backdrop or the beach shot from Spring Break last year with everyone in swim suites and Santa hats.  Most people just go with the kids – because they hate showing how they’ve let themselves go – it’s easier to show their ugly kids who’ve let themselves go. We’ve gotten into the habit of sending out a picture Christmas Tree Ornament to each family on our list – that way we can ruin your perfectly decorated tree with our family photo!  And believe me, I check to see if you’ve put it up when I come to visit during the holidays.  Nothing says Christmas like a picture of a family of Jews on your tree!

Typical Annual Sackett Holiday Letter:

Paragraph 1: I make some joke to a popular cultural happening that took place in 2012 – this year it would have been probably something to do with the Olympics or the Election.  I will talk about how Michigan State is Awesome, and how Michigan sucks – doesn’t even matter if this was actually true during the year.

Paragraphs 2-4: I have 3 sons, so the main body of the annual letter is about how genetically superior my children are as compared to yours.  Athletically, academically and spiritually my kids are great and the intent of this section is to point this out to you.   My hope is that you’ll actually feel jealously and start to push your kids a little harder – it’s my annual gift to you as a parent, a little push so-to-speak.  Either way, they will never catch my kids who are just better.  (True story – I made a joke about his in one of our letters and my grandmother got upset – “How could you say your kids are better than other peoples?”  My response was like – “Really, Grandma!? Let’s force rank’em, you know mine are better!” Kidding Grandma!!)

Paragraph 5:   This paragraph is about how awesome and beautiful my wife is.  This single paragraph usually takes me about a week to write, because of re-writes. You have to be extra careful in this section – you want to be witty, but not to witty. You want to show how great she is, but not so great her girlfriends will call her a ‘bitch’ when they read it.  The entire intent of this paragraph is that when her girlfriends read it, they say “Ahhh!”, in a good I wish-my-husband-would-say-that-about-me way.

Paragraph 6: This one is about me. It’s usually the same thing – Work, chasing boys, repeat.

The Big Close: It’s Coop Quotes!  It use to the best quotes of the year from all the boys – but the older boys would now be embarrassed to have their quotes sent out to the world, plus Coop just says funny stuff – so for the last 5 or so years – we’ve just done the best quotes of the year from Coop.  My wife and I actually send each other emails when we hear a good one, that way we don’t forget them throughout the year! This year’s Coop Quotes:

  • “It’s not called cheating, it’s called winning!” -After Cam caught him cheating at a game they were playing.
  • “Boys and girls are similar, but girls have a backbone.” -Coop clearly understanding the reproductive differences between the sexes.
  • “Canada!” -When Keaton asked Cooper where Mexicans were from

 

Right-To-Work or Wrong-To-Work

I have to say it’s been fun to have a front row seat in the Right-To-Work debate that raged on in Michigan this past week!  Even President Obama made an appearance in Michigan and was probably the only one to put this debate into it’s proper context – he said Right-To-Work legislation is not about economics, it’s about politics – and for once in his life he was right.  Unfortunately, he then spewed a bunch of union propaganda numbers and made it even more political – but hey, he’s a politician.  I have a bunch of thoughts on this that don’t really make one coherent post, so I’m just going to share those thoughts and we can take it from there:

– Unions are dying a slow death. 17% of Michigan’s workforce, 7% of the national workforce.  What does this say? It says companies get it more today than ever.  You have to treat your employees well and you have to compete for talent.  If you don’t get this – you won’t be a competitive company for long, because the best and brightest won’t work for you.

– Unions in Right-To-Work states, and really nationally, need to get back to getting their membership to understand their ‘true’ value.  In HR we have to do this constantly in our organizations.  Unions have forgotten this for decades!  They just kept collecting their monthly dues and assumed their membership got it!  They don’t.

– Somebody explain to me how it’s a bad thing for an employee to have the choice of not paying union dues, if they don’t think their union is giving them value.  I pay a stock broker to give me stock tips – I find value in his opinion, I pay for it.  If I found value in the service a union was giving me, I’d pay for it.  I spoke to 3 long term teachers who are members of the MEA this week – all 3 said they would not pay dues if given the option. All 3 said, and I quote: “My union does nothing for me.”

– Unions believe ‘branding’ = scaring their membership into believing they can’t live without them.

– Michigan citizens voted for a Republican governor, a Republican Senate and Republican House.  Those 3 functions voted exactly the way they were suppose to, by the citizens who voted them in.  There is nothing shocking about his at all.  If Michigan’s citizens didn’t want Right-To-Work legislation, and similar types of legislation, they would have voted differently. But they didn’t.  If you lived in Michigan during the recession you would probably understand why – it sucks to lead the nation in unemployment.

I’m an HR Pro, so in my career I’ve been on the opposite side of the table from unions -I’m management.  I don’t have a positive view of unions because I believe they don’t make my workforce better they make it weaker.  Everyone in a union is treated the same, which just pushes everyone to the middle. High performers have no reason to be high performers when they are treated the same as the weakest performer.  I’ve seen this and have dealt with it professionally.  Unions telling me I have to treat these two groups the same.  This does not create high performance, it creates worse performance. This is what I know.

Everyone needs a wake up call.  I think Michigan enacting Right-To-Work legislation is a wake up call to Unions to reinvent themselves.  To start to really think, “how do we show our membership we are adding value to their lives.”  It can’t just be about ‘protecting’ jobs.  They’ve protected jobs right out of this state. It has to be about creating opportunities for their membership – that is a 180 degree difference in philosophy from where they are at.  They need to find a way that employers are begging for their membership to come and work in their companies, because their membership is so highly performing and skilled.  Right now employers are running away from unions because the value equation of skills and dollars don’t match up.

A Field Guide To “Nice Bosses”

Sarah White shared an article last week from Jezebel called “A Field Guide to “Nice Guys” which was really funny! From the article:

“When using the phrase ‘Nice Guys’ with a capital NG, I don’t mean a man who happens to be a genuinely kind person. Hooray for kind, caring, conscientious people! I mean the sort of Guy who has declared himself to be Nice, and thus deserving of positive (usually sexual) attention from the female of his choice, upon whom he has often projected an elaborate fantasy of perfection and willingness that rarely has anything to do with the subject’s actual feelings or desires. When a Nice Guy is romantically rejected by a woman he wants, he lashes out at her, wondering why that dumb cunt won’t go out with him. After all, he has been Nice!”

This concept works with Bosses as well!  We’ve all had the Nice Boss (Capital NB), right?  Here’s my list of the Nice Boss (NB) types:

The BFF Boss

BFF Bosses are the type that want to be your friend, or at least they want you to think they’re your friend.  That way you’ll do more them, that they can take credit for!  Plus, it’s so much easier to tell your subordinates that they won’t be getting a raise, again, this year when you’re BFF’s!  “Hey, guys, it’s me, you know me, if I could get you anything you know I would, but there’s nothing!” As they drive to the bank to cash their profit sharing check.

The Cool Boss

Can you dress casual on Tuesday? Sure! Can you leave early on Friday to get a head start on your weekend? Of Course! Is it alright you’re 15 minutes late coming back from lunch? No you weren’t!  But as soon as Cool Boss is held accountable by his/her superiors somehow they also get amnesia and place the blame back on you. “I never told them they could take an hour and a half lunch!”  Cool Boss will do whatever it takes to be the Cool Boss, except have your back.

The Concerned Boss

Come in and tell me everything that’s going wrong with you – I want to know, I need to know – I’m only concerned about you and your welfare! Plus, I need some information to hold over your head the next time I need to make cuts, changes or promotions.   This boss could probably be called the Blackmail Boss as well, because that’s really what’s going on.  I’m going to acted concerned so you’ll spill your beans and now I’ve got you on the hook to do whatever I want!

The Work Spouse Boss

I love my boss!  She is so great, not like my wife who doesn’t understand me.  My boss really gets me, and supports me, and knows what I want in my future!  Oh, and she really only wants to ruin your marriage in some game of spouse Twister that will never work – but what the hell, let’s suspend reality – it seems to work in the movies until someone gets shot. The Work Spouse Bosses are even better than Work Spouses because they also support your career development – they’re ‘really’ trying to help you get ahead in your career – just not higher than them – that’s not part of the game!

What kind of “Nice Boss” do you have?

Top 25 Rap Lyrics That Shaped My Leadership Style

This year I did blog series on The Top 25 Rap Lyrics that shaped my leadership style.  The posts, individually, still get clicked a ton, so I decided to do a compilation of the 25 posts to make it easier for new readers to find all 25 (I know my family is really proud of me right now!). Taken out of context of the original post, you might be asking yourself “How the hell did this shape his leadership style?” If you find yourself asking that, click through the link to read the explanation!

Here you go – The Top 25 Rap Lyrics That Shaped My Leadership Style with links to the original posts:

1. “It’s like the more money we come across, the more problems we see” -Notorious B.I.G.

2. “Today I didn’t even have to use my A.K., I got to say it was a good day” -Ice Cube

3. “What does it take to be number 1? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers.” -Nelly

4. “I’m not a businessman. I’m a business, man.” -Jay-Z

5. “When I wake up, people take up, mostly all of my time. I’m not singin’, phone keep ringin’, so I make up a rhyme.” -RUN DMC

6. “It’s funny how someone else’s success brings pain.” -Drake

7. “Success is my drug of choice…” – 50 Cent

8. “Forgive, but don’t forget.” -2Pac

9. “True happiness is not acquired, and you won’t find it on sale.” -Outkast

10. “At exactly which point do you realize, that life without knowledge is death in disguise.” -Talib Kweli

11. “You’re young and dumb and quick with the tongue.” -Kool Mo Dee

12. “I hear the criticism loud and clear.  That is how I know that the time is near. So we become alive in a time of fear” -Nicki Minaj

13. “We all self conscious. I’m just the first to admit it.” -Kanye West

14. “Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity, To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, Would you capture it or just let it slip?” -Eminem

15. “Now you can be a victim, or you can lock and load.” -50 Cent

16. “They say I need to learn, but nobody’s here to teach me. If they don’t understand, how can they reach me?” -Coolio

17. “You’re nobody till someone kills you.” -Notorious B.I.G.

18. “Pay us like you owe us for all the years that you hold us.  We can talk, but money talksso talk mo’ bucks.” -Jay-Z

19. “I had nothing, and I wanted it; You had everything, and you flaunted it...” -Ice T

20. “He’s only mediocre, jealousy can’t get with me.” -LL Cool J

21. “Elvis shaved his head when he went into the Army.” -Beastie Boys

22. “When the grass is cut, the snakes will show.” -Jay-Z

23. “ya know a lot of people believe that that word Love is real soft, but when you use it in your vocabulary like your addicted to it, it sneaks right up and takes you right out. So, for future reference, remember it’s alright to like or want a material item, but when you fall in love with it and you start scheming and carrying on for it, just remember, it’s gonna get’cha.” -KRS-1

24. “I think about more than I forget; but I don’t go around fire expecting not to sweat.” -Little Wayne

25. “Change, shit I guess change is good for any of us. Whatever it take for any of y’all niggaz to get up out the hood. Shit, I’m wit cha, I ain’t mad at cha.Got nuttin but love for ya, do your thing boy.” – 2 Pac

 

How Not To Hire A D1 Football Coach in the BigTen

For those College Football fans, last week was a bit crazy on the college football coaching carousel!  The one that really caught my eye was Bret Bielema, the University of Wisconsin coach, leaving to go to the University of Arkansas in the SEC.  First off, I hate the University of Wisconsin. Second off, I hate Bret Bielema.  Being a Michigan State University fan/donor – the University of Wisconsin has been a rather large pain in our backside the past few years!  So, it’s with respect (and hatred) that I bid the rather large jackass, Bret Bielema, adieu.   Here’s what is really great about this whole thing, though – the head coaching job at the University of Wisconsin (like most state colleges) is a state job – and with most ‘government’ jobs they have processes they need to follow when hiring. No. Matter. What.

Here’s the posting – from the University of Wisconsin career site! It’s awesomely bad HR!

Want the job?  Here’s what UW is looking for in their next coach:

– Bachelor’s degree required (I mean this isn’t Arkansas!)

– Minimum of 5 years of successful collegiate football coaching experience, preferred. (way to shoot for the moon!)

– Other qualifications include the ability to work cooperatively with diverse groups and administrators, faculty, staff and students. The successful applicant must be able develop and implement innovative approaches and solutions; work well independently and in teams; and be flexible in accepting new responsibilities. (Um, what!?)

– Anticipated start date: December 24, 2012 (Merry F’ing Christmas we need recruits – start calling!)

I really would love to sit down with the President and Athletic Director of the University of Wisconsin and find out if they ‘truly’ feel this is the job requirements for their Head Football Coach at UW! And, oh brother this is a BIG and, is this current ‘recruiting’ process meeting their needs!!!  I can only assume I already know this answer.

Want to apply:

Unless another application procedure has been specified above, please send resume and cover letter referring to Position Vacancy Listing #75429 to:

Holly Weber
1440 Monroe St.
Kellner Hall
Madison, WI

I’m sure Holly is a solid Talent Acquisition Pro and will do a proper job screening you before you meet with the Athletic Director.

Is it just me, or do you feel they might end up using a head hunting firm on this hire?!  To me, this is the exact reason HR/Recruiting get zero respect.  This job should not be posted on the career site next to the janitor opening. This hire will have millions of dollar impact to the funding of this school – stop treating it like it’s like every other hire – it’s not – and it makes you look like you have no idea what you’re doing.

What Your Office Holiday Party Drink Selection Says About You

My friend, and newly named Chair of the HR Technology Conference, Steve Boese, made a comment on the back channel recently about how he was ‘looking forward’ to all the HR bloggers writing their annual posts on how employees can keep themselves out of trouble at the annual holiday office party.  Let’s face it Steve – HR folks aren’t the most creative – plus, we usually stick with what got us here! (namely safe, lame posts, preaching crap everyone already knows)

But, Steve got me thinking – I wanted to do the annual office holiday party post one better and add a little spice – so I asked a few of my friends to give me their annual Office Holiday Party drink selections – and then I would analyze what this said about them and their possible career!  What could go wrong!?

First up – let’s start with the idea generator himself – Steve Boese:

Drink Selection: Light Beer

What ordering Light Beer says about your career:  I’m going ‘light’ because I want to give the impression I still care about my appearance, and I’m also a guy of the people.  I like to fit in and nothing says ‘fittin in’ like a Light Beer.  Plus, I don’t want to get to drunk, I’ve got the midnight SportsCenter DVR’d to watch when I get home.

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Laurie Ruettimann:

Drink Selection: Prohibition Punch

What ordering Prohibition Punch says about your career: Please get me drunk as fast as possible because I can’t stand being around any of these people, but 3 PP’s into the night and I’ll be selecting who’s going to be taking me home tonight. Classic HR lady cocktail choice and move!

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Matt (aka Bruno) Stollak:

Drink Selection: Rusty Nail

What ordering a Rusty Nail says about your career: No one here is going to want to talk to me, so I better order something odd, so I have a small topic of conversation ready to go at a moments notice.  The Rusty Nail also let’s everyone know you’re dangerous, like an accountant willing to go home with the drunk HR lady drinking that weird punch.

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William Tincup:

Drink Selection: Sidecar (times 20 apparently also goes with William’s order)

What ordering a Sidecar says about your career: Basically, after 20 Sidecars, you’re saying I give a shit about my career, but the owner’s wife is really hot – I mean hot enough, that I think I’m in love – I mean so f’ing hot that I’m going to propose to her tonight, right now – YOLO! By the way, which one of those people over there is the owner’s wife?

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Me:

Drink Selection: Bombay Sapphire and Tonic, with a lime

What ordering this drink says about my career: I’m paying the bill and I have a personal pilates session in the morning with my life coach, Surge – and I don’t want a headache.

Drink Selection #2: Red Bull and Grey Goose

What ordering this drink says about my career: I work with young people and they were ordering it, so I wanted to look hip or cool or whatever they call it now days.  Plus, I have no idea what I’m doing by ruining perfectly good Grey Goose with a mixture of Red Bull.

True Story Alert – Two Office Holiday Parties ago, at a small tucked away bar in Lansing, MI – I had 4 Red Bulls and Grey Goose.  I never had, had one and some of the ‘kids’ in the office were ordering them.  I played along.  At 40 I turn into a pumpkin after the 11 o’clock news, so what the hell – what trouble can you get into before 11:30pm?  Apparently, the ‘kids’ didn’t tell me you shouldn’t keep drinking Red Bull and Grey Goose – that’s just a starter drink, to get you going.  At 3:30am I was finally able to fall asleep.

Drink Selection #3: Kamikaze shots

What ordering this drink says about my career: My office holiday party doesn’t really get started until one of the ‘kids’ begins to order Kamikaze shots.  I like to get the party started, because I turned into a pumpkin around 11:30pm.  Kamikaze’s seem to do the trick.

 

So, what drink will you be ordering at your office party this year?

P.S. – thanks to my friends for playing along!

A Performance Management Discussion in 30 seconds

I know we are always looking for a quick fix, or a silver bullet, so here you go – pass this around to your hiring managers.  A 30 second performance management discussion they can have with any of their subordinates today:

Hiring Manager:

“Answer the following questions using one of two possible answers – “Yes” or “No”, you can only use each answer only once. So, that means you can’t answer “Yes” or “No” for both questions.

Question #1 – Are you capable of more?

Question #2 – Are you lying?”

Just give it a few seconds – you’re in HR, you’ll figure it out.

 

Everything You Ever Needed To Know About Compensation

Let me start by saying I don’t really understand Comp Pros.  Seems like a lot of spreadsheets, market analysis, internal analysis, 48-72 hours of waiting, followed by me getting approval to offer the candidate less than what they originally asked for, followed by the hiring manager sending a nasty email to their line executive, followed by me getting approval from said Comp Pro to offer what I wanted to originally, followed by the hiring manager believing I have no idea what I’m doing. But what do I know…

If I ever get the chance to run a Compensation Department (please G*d never let this happen) I would concentrate on only one thing: which positions drive the largest percentage of revenue in my organization.  Now that is much harder than you think.  First, I’m sure you’re organization is like mine in that ‘every’ position is important…wait, I have to stop laughing…and as such, we really need to look at the whole.  No, I wouldn’t do that in my made up Compensation Department – I only want to look at the important people.  It’s not that I’m getting rid of anyone – Comp doesn’t do that – we leave that to the Generalist!  My focus is finding out who is the most important in driving revenue (thus profit) in our organization.  I need to know this because I need to ensure we are leading the market in compensation plans for those specific skills.  Why? Because I want to go out and give my HR/Talent team all the ammunition they need to hunt down the best possible revenue driving team for my organization that has ever been assembled by man, beast or robot.

Bam! – that is all you need to know about Compensation.

“Oh, but Tim you’re so naive! We need to pay all of our people fairly to drive the best productivity. We need to ensure we don’t have internal pay equity issues. We have to have proper bonus plan designs and executive pay structures. We need…” Shut it!  You know what happens when you lead any industry in revenue?  All that crap tends to take care of itself.  You know what happens when you’re chasing revenue in an industry?  All that crap becomes issues.

Ok, so I make one giant assumption – I assume if my organization can drive revenue, that we can also drive profit – that isn’t always the case – but it will be in my organization because I know how to performance manage the morons out who don’t get these two need to be on parallel paths.  My compensation philosophy is simple – over pay the people who drive my revenue, and make sure I always have the best revenue driving talent in the game, at all times.  Pay everyone else at the market rate – I don’t need racehorses in those roles, I need plow-horses.  Most organizations don’t have the guts to do this and it’s why most organizations are always struggling around budget time to determine where to cut.  I don’t want to cut, I want to grow, I want to take over the world – or, well, at least lead my industry.