Category Archives: Communication

16 Stupid Moves That Get You Fired

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TheLaw.TV had an article recently of the 8 Stupid Moves that Get You Fired.  Two things about this came to mind: 1. What the hell is TheLaw.TV (is it a TV show on the internet?; if so why the article? Why .TV?  NBS, ABC, CBS, FOX, etc. don’t end in .TV); and 2. I’m pretty sure there’s  more than 8 Stupid Moves to get fired!

Here are the 8 Stupid Moves from TheLaw.TV:

1. Being late too often.

2. Stealing from the company. (I’m sure they don’t mean like office supplies – they mean like Stealing-Stealing…)

3. Too man sick days.  (Yep – you get sick days – but companies don’t like when you use them, we just tell you, you should use them – it’s Jedi-mind-tricks, but HRish)

4. Falsifying time card. (My personal favorite is having a ‘friend’ clock out for you later in the day, when you left early. I get to fire both of you!)

5.  That’s not on my Job Description. (I don’t think this one was real but someone at TheLaw.TV needed some more – I know this is fake because the only thing SHRM has truly taught HR Pros in the last 50 years is that one line on the bottom of every Job Description – I don’t even need to write – You know it! “Other duties…”

6. Drinking on the Job. (before noon.)

7.  Sexual Misconduct. 37.8% of people met their spouse at work according to an eHarmony totally legit survey.  In that same survey, but unpublished, were how many people found their ‘next’ spouse at work- at a slightly higher rate of 92.8%)

8.  Surfing Porn. (Nothing says ‘Fire Me’ like boobs at work. On a totally different but same note – I’ve never had to fire a woman for surfing porn at work – that might be a separate post if I could find a HR Pro willing to share a female porn firing story!)

Solid list – but remember the title was ‘Stupid’ – I think they missed a few – here’s the missed ones:

9. Cooking fish in the break room microwave.  (That’s like terrorist bad! You know who you are!)

10. Smoking Pot in Your Car at Lunch When I can see you from my office window. (“Hi (me waving) – I can see you!”)

11.  Wearing white socks with black or brown dress shoes.  (I haven’t fired anyone for this, but I’ve come close.)

12.  Fighting with the boss over some stupid idea you won’t let go of. (But really, we should change up everything we do and become a charity because 50 years of running a profitable company is enough)

13. Taking credit for crap you didn’t do, but people who report to you did. (I would actually go with hanging over firing on this one.)

14.  Asking for a salary increase after you just got a your butt handed to you in your performance review. (Gutsy, but stupid.)

15.  Listening to really weird Pandora mixes at the office in attempt to look cool. (I have to admit I did this back in the day – last year – but it was rap because I wanted to look black, not cool.)

16. Being ‘way’ into anything in an over-the-top way. (Think transmeta-physical yogo ultra-marathoner – I only eat dirt and I’m obsessed with Pokemon. Come on – you’re fired.)

Ok – give me your Stupid Move that will definitely get someone fired!  Hit me in the comments.

Would You Tell On Your Boss?

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Classic HR Line by –  HR Pro:

“You know who tells on their boss?”

Employee:

“Who?”

HR Pro:

“Soon to be fired employees.”

If you don’t think this to be true, you either haven’t been in HR long enough or you haven’t been in a position to have to nark on your boss!   Why does this happen?  I’ll let this recent article from Business Week about the Tiffany’s VP caught stealing over $1M in jewelry explain:

“Chris E. McGoey, a Los Angeles-based security advisor, believes that other employees at Tiffany’s may have had suspicions long before the investigation, but were afraid to speak up. “I guarantee you that a company like Tiffany’s has checks and balances,” he says. “But it didn’t apply to [Lederhaas-Okun.] People reported to her, and they had to relinquish their inventory to her, based on her say-so.” Even if they had concerns about why the jewelry she was checking out wasn’t being returned, he says, they might’ve been reluctant to raise any red flags. “Nobody wants to rat out their boss,” he says.”

But why doesn’t anyone want to ‘rat’ out their boss!?

It’s simple – ratting out your boss puts you in a lose-lose situation.  While the ‘corporation’ will be thankful you did this, the leadership team will be wary of you from now on out.  Not that they are doing something wrong, but you get labeled as the type of person who would be willing to tell if something did happen.  People automatically go to unethical/unsavory types of behaviors – which is the wrong thing to do.  When someone is willing to tell on someone else – leadership will then believe they are the type of personality that can’t stop from telling even simple misgivings.  Senior VP forgets to approve an Ad plan, misses deadline – causes everyone to scramble around and costs the company a few thousand dollars to get it right.  This Sr. VP would not want this to go public, it’s embarrassing, but forgivable corporate mistake.  This Sr. VP would look at our ‘rat’ as someone who would probably ‘tell’ on her, thus she would probably not want this person on her team.

Sorry folks, that’s reality in corporate America!  This is common amongst whistle-blower employees – company commends them publicly, and privately tries to find ways to get rid of them.  I’ll admit this happens more at a professional white-collar level than blue-collar.  “Professional’ employees might feel more to lose, thus less willing to come forward if something is going on.  Also, if it’s found out that something wasn’t going on – kiss your career goodbye!  Lose-lose.

So, how do you get your employees to rat on a their boss?  Don’t make them rat.  Several times in my career I’ve had employees come to me, reluctantly, when something was going on.  I gave them options on how to share the information, and still save their reputation as a ‘corporate’ person.  I usually ended up finding a way that made it plausible that either myself or another executive found the same information, thus taking this person out of the cross-hairs.  Not perfect, but it allows your employees to not have to carry the burden of being a whistle-blower.

Actually, Money Does Buy Happiness!

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I think most people feel ‘charity’, in almost any form, makes people feel good.  You do something good for someone else, and it seems like whatever it was you did, makes you feel doubly good!  Harvard Business Review recently had a good article on how giving, especially money, can bring you happiness:

“Buffet recently penned an op-ed titled “My Philanthropic Pledge” — but rather than offer financial advice about giving, he suggested we give as a way to enhance our emotional wellbeing. Of his decision to donate 99% of his wealth to charity, Buffett said that he “couldn’t be happier.”

But do we need to give away billions like Buffet in order to experience that warm glow? Luckily for us ordinary folks, even more modest forms of generosity can make us happy. In a series of experiments, we’ve found that asking people to spend money on others — from giving to charity to buying gifts for friends and family — reliably makes them happier than spending that same money on themselves.

And our research shows that even in very poor countries like India and Uganda — where many people are struggling to meet their basic needs — individuals who reflected on giving to others were happier than those who reflected on spending on themselves. What’s more, spending even a few dollars on someone else can trigger a boost in happiness. In one study, we found that asking people to spend as little as $5 on someone else over the course of a day made them happier at the end of that day than people who spent the $5 on themselves.”

Who says money can’t buy happiness!  Just not in the way we traditionally think.  It’s not about the bigger house, or the nicer car, or the best wine – all those things will make you more comfortable in your life – but they aren’t guaranteed to bring you more happiness.  I’m also not naive to think that everyone would be happy giving away that which they worked hard for – for some that would be a nightmare – not a blessing.  That’s alright – that’s inclusion at its finest – we all have things that will make us happy.  I do think for the majority of our employees – donating time, money, skills, etc., helps them feel good about themselves – which makes it a little easier to feel happy about their place in the world.

Tomorrow morning I’m handing each one of my employees a $100 bill and asking them to go out into the world at some point their day and give it away – randomly – or not randomly – to someone other than themselves.  $100 isn’t a giant amount for my staff – but I’m sure it will have a big meaning to someone else – I think some of the people on my team will feel good about helping someone out – about surprising them and making their day/week/month.   My hope is they’ll come back with a smile and a story.  My hope is they’ll feel a little better about their day.  My hope is they’ll feel happy.  My hope is – money can buy happiness.

 

So, you think ‘your’ job sucks…

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You probably saw this bouncing around the social channels last week because it talked about ‘Brazilian Waxing’ and ‘Getting Fired’ (and if you come to this blog you either are in HR/Recruiting, or you’re my wife or Mom) – two things that when put together grab the attention of HR pros!  Here’s the background story from Huffington Post:

 

“A Western Pennsylvania woman has sued the Pittsburgh waxing salon that employed her, claiming she was fired after refusing a Brazilian wax treatment as part of her training.

In the lawsuit filed in federal court last week, Jennifer Finley, 35, says a corporate trainer from her waxing chain, the European Wax Center, told her and her colleagues in October that they would have to perform the bikini wax treatment on one another. After declining, Finley says she was immediately terminated.”

This is where we all get to snicker and play the HR Game of “What Would You Do!?”

Here’s what I would have done:

I would have fired her.

What!?

She was hired to give Brazilian Waxes, of which, she wasn’t trained to do and as part of her training she had to learn how to give a Brazilian Wax. Did I mention she accepted a job to give Brazilian Waxes?  So, I’m know expert in the training of Brazilian Waxes, but I have had to do training, so my guess is the best way to train is to do it on non-customers.  You see ‘paying’ customers tend not to want the trainees when it comes to stuff like haircuts, spray tanning, eyebrows, plastic surgery, root canals, Brazilian Waxes, etc.   They’re paying for a ‘trained’ professional.  When the server comes to the table when you’re at Applebees and she has a ‘trainee’ with her – you’re alright with that – I mean will Mandy really screw up my Strawberry Lemonade?!  Probably not.  When Jennifer comes at me with bowl of hot wax and has on the ‘trainee’ name tag – we’ve got problems!

The main problem was the fact this women had to perform her training wax on a coworker.  Uncomfortable, right?  But you took a job to do Brazilian Waxes – did you really think you were going to make it out of training without seeing some…well you get the picture!  The last I checked people in America still have a choice of which job they take.  While certain people might have more limited choices than others – you still have choices.  I struggle to have sympathy for individuals who choose a profession, then complain that they don’t want to ‘do’ the job.  You chose a job that removes the hair off – again – this is a family show, you know where this is going!

I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t want to be a Brazilian Wax technician/or what ever that title might be.  But I am 100% certain that if I chose to be in the Brazilian Wax field of study that at some point before they let me around the Happy Meals (don’t let your mind go south – this was a line from Chris Rock about working at McDonalds!)  – I need some practice – some training – some live interaction of what you’ll be asking me to do.

What would you have done?

*******Updated 7-8-13 at 11:00am EST****************

Ok, apparently I’m twisting this a bit – the lady in question didn’t want to have a coworker perform a waxing on her.  So, not quite apples-to-apples.  Some will say – ‘I can be a tattoo artist and not want to get a tattoo’ or like Greg mentions in the comments – ‘brain surgeons don’t perform surgeries on each other’ – both correct statements – but both are not really the same thing, as in both other examples there are proper training and techniques you can do without having to do this on coworkers.  Not quite sure how you would ‘train’ on waxing without getting some wax on yourself…nor do I really want to know!

The question still remains – how would you have handled this?

 

I Love Hiring People Who’ve Been Fired

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Their are few truisms I know in HR.

1. As soon as you think you’ll never be surprised again by something dumb done by an employee – you’ll be surprised.

2. You’ll be asked every year in HR to reduce your budget.

3. Employees will always believe HR knows more than HR really does know.

4. HR vendors always say they’re giving you their ‘lowest’ price, until you say ‘no’, then a magical new lower price will come up.

5. . Many employees who get fired were at one time really good employees.

The last one is one I really love!  It is a simple fact of life that most people will at some point in their life be fired from a job.   Might be their fault, or not, either way it’s not uncommon.  Here’s what happens to most people when they get fired – it’s like the 5 stages of grieving : You’re shocked – even when you know it’s coming; you’re pissed – how could you do this to ‘me’; you’re sad – what am I going to do; you’re anxious – I’ve got to get something, now!; and you’re determined – I’ll show you.   It doesn’t happen in this exact path for every person – but for many the flow is about the same.

What you find is that someone who has been fired from a job comes with this cool little chip on their shoulder when you hire them.  It’s this deep down fire to show you and everyone else they know – that the person who was fired, isn’t who they truly are – they are more than that person.  This motivation is great!  It’s a completely different motivation than you get when you hire an employee who is currently employed and doesn’t really need your job.  I want people with some ‘want’ in them – some hunger – maybe a little pissed off with a chip on their shoulder! This edge, and memory of being fired, can carry people to great performance for years!

In our organizations we fire so many people who use to be great, and for a number or reasons you now believe they are crap.  And for you, they truly might be performing like crap – but for me they might be willing to be great again!  We had a saying when I was in HR at Applebee’s, while doing calibration of our teams – “if you talk about someone for more than 10 minutes they turn into a piece of crap”.  Doesn’t matter who – our best to our worst employee – the longer you talk about them, the worse you start to view them.  This happens because it’s in our nature to focus on their opportunities, not their strengths – so the longer you talk the more you talk about what they can’t do, not what they can do.

So, there you have it – send me your crap employees – I’ll love them!

 

 

The Laziest Referral Request Ever!

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This is an actual email message I received last week:

 

Good afternoon,

 

I am going through updating our resume database and it looks like we have an old one on file for you. If you are currently seeking new restaurant management opportunities or know of someone that is, please email me your most recent resume, explaining any gaps of employment (if any).

 

If your referral is placed through us, we will send you $100.

 

Thank you,

Kim Cox

Recruiting Facilitator

“Industry Experience. People Results.”

Premier Solutions

5623 N. Western

Oklahoma City, OK  73118

(405) 948-4050 Ext. 401

(877) 948-4001 Ext 401

Fax (405) 948-1290

kcox@psokc.com

www.premiersolutionsinc.net

 

Let’s break this down for Kim and maybe we can give her some pointers on the next communication she sends out:

 

1. “Good Afternoon”  – I actually received this email at 11:56am – so it was close to afternoon – I would have hoped for maybe a little more personal context – “Good Afternoon Tim!”

 

2. ” I’m updating my database” – good for you! I can’t remember ever sending my resume to someone in Oklahoma or being a restaurant manager, but apparently I’m in the database. Might I suggest a bigger call to action.  “We have a client who has interest in your background! Contact me regarding this opportunity!”

 

3.  “If I’m seeking a restaurant manager opportunity or know someone who is” – I’m not, I don’t – does that mean I don’t have to contact you back!?  Or does it mean I should send you a referral and my resume – I’m a little confused.

 

4.  “Email me your most recent resume and explain any gaps” – Well, we hardly know each other, but alright, I guess…

 

5. “If…We’ll send you a $100” – So, let me get this straight – I send you a referral, you hire them and Bam! I send me $100!  Wow – will it be cash or check?

 

I wanted to share this message in its entirety just in case someone might know of a restaurant manager and need an extra $100!

 

To Kim’s credit, her signature line and contact information is great!  Sure it lacks any social context of Twitter or LinkedIn, but 4 colors and 3 fonts – someone put some time into that!

 

People – it really just isn’t that hard to do recruiting – but we make it look like we are trying to launch the space shuttle sometimes.  Come on, at least put in a little effort!

3 Reasons To Hire Back An Employee You Fired

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There is an unwritten HR law that needs to be addressed.  This law states:

“If you fire an employee, at no time in the history of mankind should you hire back that employee to your organization.”

So it is said, so shall it be…

I was reading an article recently about ESPN’s new CEO, John Skipper, when he was asked about bringing back former polarizing Sports Center anchor, Keith Oolbermann.  Here’s what Skipper had to say about the possibility of bringing back Olbermann:

“I wasn’t here when Keith was here, but he is very talented. So I had dinner with Keith — it was delightful and fun. And I would not have had dinner with him if we didn’t sit around and think about whether there was a reason to bring Keith back. I haven’t met with him again, but we don’t have a policy here that you can never come back.”

So, ESPN doesn’t have a policy about bringing back terminated employees.  Do you?

I know of companies that actually have it written into the policy manual about bringing back terminated employees.  Sometimes it’s a time thing – ‘it has to be more than 5 years’ – or a position thing – ‘it has to be into a different position than they had previously’  – or a severity thing – ‘the termination could not have been for cause’, etc.  Sometimes it’s just the classic unwritten rule thing!  Regardless if it’s written or unwritten any organization that refuses to hire back terminated employees is extremely shortsighted!  Let’s be clear – I’m not saying your should bring back the jerk who embezzled money or sexually harassed every female employee.  What I’m saying is – if you analyzed every single termination you’ve had over the past 10 years in your organization, there are probably some really good hire-backs in that group!  But you wouldn’t know that – because it’s not something you’re going to do – it’s a policy…err…un-policy thing!

Here’s 3 reasons you of when you should potentially hire back a previously terminated employee:

1. They’re the best at what they do.  Yep – talent and performance trumps all.  Well, mostly!  If the person got fired for some kind of behavior that they can’t or won’t change – well, it will end bad again – but many times – having years away and proving themselves all over again in another organization – makes these folks ultra-valuable again to your organization.

2. New Leadership.  Let’s face facts – a large percentage of your terminations happen because of personalities not matching.  In almost every leadership change organizations see high turnover.  This doesn’t truly mean those leaving are bad employees – it’s a phenomenon that happens when you new leadership and ideas meet old leadership behaviors and ideas and they don’t match.

3. Former Employee and You (your organization and leadership) have had significant growth.  I’ve seen some young, less experienced people get fired, who 5 -10 years later were completely different people.  All of that blind fight and energy that had when they were younger which distracted from their talent is gone, and what you have left is this focused high performing employee.  At the same token, our leader who was less experienced and didn’t know how to handle high potential employees, now does.  Growth happens.

Unfortunately, 99% of organizations refuse to bring back an employee who was fired, ever!  It’s too bad really – you’re probably missing out on some great talent, especially if you’re in a smaller geographic area with limited talent pools to begin with.  Sometimes it’s up to get our organizations to become a little more open minded to the fact that change happens, and not every person who gets fired, is a bad employee.

Helping Your Employees Through Their Quarter-Life Crisis

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When I was a kid I would hear my parents and grandparents speak of a ‘midlife’ crisis.  It might be about someone buying a convertible Corvette or getting a divorce and dating someone half their age, etc. In my mind I always considered the term ‘midlife’ to be at the age of 50!  Like I said, I was young!  As I got older I realized I didn’t want to live to be 100! So, midlife took on a different definition from high 30’s to low 40’s.  Not to be outdone – millennials have coined a new term – ‘Quarter-Life’ Crisis.  This is that extremely difficult and challenging time you have around the age of 25 years of age…

Knowing how challenging it was for me to be 25 years old and having no responsibilities, mortgage, kids, tons of free time – I wanted to give HR Pros some tips on helping your own employees through this most difficult part of their life.  Here’s goes:

– If you’ve been having this overwhelming feeling of – ‘Hey, I’m 25 and haven’t really accomplished anything in my life!”  Don’t be afraid – you are not a freak – in fact 22% of people your age haven’t accomplished anything either, and the other 78% of your friends who have accomplished ‘something’ are lying about it on their Tumbler.

– Feeling completely paralyzed by indecision?  Again, completely normal.  You feel this way because you have no real life experience on which to draw upon to make actual real meaningful decisions.  This feeling will go away in about 10-15 years, after you made many failed decisions to learn from.

– Getting bored with your friends?  That’s alright – they’re bored with you as well.  It’s because you have nothing to talk about, yet.  Get married, have some kids, buy a house – now you can be boring with each other on all those topics!  Nothing makes your friends less boring than to hear about baby bowels movements and having to replace your water heater!

– Starting to feel differently about dating?  You should!  Statically speaking, by 27 years old every good potential married mate is already taken and you start to get into the idiots that got married at 21 and 22 years old, who are now getting divorced. Yuck!  Who wants a used partner! Not you.  Here’s a Pro Tip:  Lower your standards – your 25 and no one has popped the question yet – you’ve got some issues.

– Do you have sudden, intense fear of failure?  You should know this will never go away.  Well, it might go away if one of two things happen: 1. You win a large lottery ($5M+ – smaller ones will just be a tax headache and potentially still have to make you work at your young age); 2. You marry extremely rich (Which is called the Spouse Lottery – and they think it’s really for love and don’t make you sign a prenup).  And don’t believe all those crappy motivational saying about ‘The only Failure is to not Try’ – there are much bigger failures than not trying! Trying and being completely inept is a much bigger problem!  The reality is – if you do absolutely nothing 99% of decisions will make themselves and you don’t have to take the blame! (Pro Tip #2)

Quarter-Life Crisis…

 

 

 

HR Announces – ‘We’re Out of Ideas’

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Recently the crew at FOT has been having some conversations about what’s new in HR.  It use to be all you had to do was show up at a HR conference and listen to someone from Zappos, Google, Sodexo, etc. to find out what were the latest and greatest happenings going on in HR!  But no more – it seems like HR is in a dead period of new ideas!  I blame the recession – why wouldn’t I – the ‘Great Recession’ gets blamed for everything – might as well take some HR heat!   Nobody at FOT could really come up with any ideas that were new.  But thankfully the good HR folks at Google came through one more idea, but I don’t how new it is…

From Quartz – Google admits those infamous brainteasers were completely useless for hiring:

“Google has admitted that the headscratching questions it once used to quiz job applicants (How many piano tuners are there in the entire world? Why are manhole covers round?) were utterly useless as a predictor of who will be a good employee.

“We found that brainteasers are a complete waste of time,” Laszlo Bock, senior vice president of people operations at Google, told the New York Times. “They don’t predict anything. They serve primarily to make the interviewer feel smart…

Bock says Google now relies on more quotidian means of interviewing prospective employees, such as standardizing interviews so that candidates can be assessed consistently, and “behavioral interviewing,” such as asking people to describe a time they solved a difficult problem. It’s also giving much less weight to college grade point averages and SAT scores.”

Yes, you are reading that correctly – Google’s ‘new’ HR idea is to go retro!  Back to behavioral interviewing and standardized interview decks – hello 90’s!  Isn’t that wonderful – I can’t believe Google didn’t have someone at SHRM 13 leading a session like “Google’s Strategic HR Innovations – Just Interview Them Stupid!”  HR ladies would have packed the house to find out how they to could jump into the 90’s.  Also, let’s just come right out corporately and validate to all those kids in college – you’re just wasting your time and spending your parents retirement.  I’ve really never been so excited for our industry!

So, I would like to take it upon myself and the entire HR community to let the world know – HR is out of ideas!

Here’s were we/HR stand:

– Still need to hire people

– Still need to train our employees

– Still need to provide benefits and pay administration

– Still planning the company picnic, and/or ‘holiday party

Long live HR.

The Myth of Being a Highly Selective Employer

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We all think it, don’t we?  We all want to believe in this notion that we only hire the best and brightest – we only hire quality.  We are ‘highly’ selective.

We’ll show our executives really cool data that shows how ‘highly’ selective we are.  Number of applicants per hire – 25,000 people applied for this position and we only took the best 1!

I read something interesting recently from Time magazine and college admissions at highly selective colleges – think Harvard, Yale, MIT, etc.  Schools that are super hard to get into because of how selective they are – much like your hiring process of your organization. From the Time’s article:

“What many parents and students don’t realize is that increasing numbers of applications isn’t necessarily a sign that it’s harder to get into a selective school; rather, it’s a sign of changes in behavior among high school seniors. More and more people who aren’t necessarily qualified are applying to top schools, inflating the application numbers while not seriously impacting admissions. In fact, it has arguably become easier to get into a selective school, though it may be harder to get into a particular selective school…

The most recent study available from the National Association for College Admission Counseling shows that between 2010 and 2011 (the most recent years available), the percentage of students applying to at least three colleges rose from 77% to 79% and the percentage of students applying to at least seven colleges rose from 25% to 29%. In 2000, only 67% of students applied to three or more colleges, while 12% applied to seven or more.

The net effect of this behavior is to create an illusion of increased selectivity. Especially at the most selective schools, an increase in applications generally leads to the acceptance of a smaller percentage of the students who apply. However, students who meet the academic and extracurricular thresholds to qualify for competitive schools will still get into a selective college; it’s just less likely that they’ll get into a specific competitive college. These schools work hard to not admit students who won’t attend;  the acceptance rate and the matriculation rate (the percentage of accepted students who attend) are key measures in many college ranking methodologies, so both admitting too many students and admitting students who don’t attend can hurt a college’s ranking.”

An illusion of increased selectivity…You see, just because you turn down a high number of candidates doesn’t make you more selective – it makes you popular.  Too many organizations, and HR departments, are marketing that they are highly selective based on some simple numbers that give an illusion of being highly selective, when in reality, they’re just good at processing a high number of applicants – but not really being ‘more’ selective.  Just because you turn down 24,999 candidates doesn’t make you selective – it just means you have a high number of applicants.

So what does make you selective?  Quality of hire – which I can argue is another very subjective metric in most organizations – but at least it’s a start.  Can you demonstrate with real measurable items that the applicants you’re hiring are better or getting better than those previously?  This creates a real evidence that you’re becoming ‘more’ selective and on your way to becoming ‘highly’ selective.