My wife always tells me it’s actions, not words, that make a difference. You can say all of this great stuff, but if you do nothing, it’s meaningless. I think we would all agree with this.

So, when we hear graduating students, candidates, and employees tell us what they really want is “Meaningful Work” in their careers, we have to understand that those are “Words”! Not actions, just words. A study from Olivet Nazarene University Meaningful Work Survey asked this question and, predictably, found this:

So, yeah, 90% of us believe that meaningful work is critical for our career and happiness. That sounds about right. Those ‘words’ tend always to come out when we talk about our dream job, etc.

Then the study asked another question. It was basically, given your current career, job, etc., what is the one thing that would make it better? An action. But, remember those words!? What you would believe would make their career/job better should be “more meaningful work”! 90% of you idiots just answered that it was super important for your career and happiness!

Here’s what they actually said:

Show. Me. The. Money!!!!

Yep, you know I love this! “We just have a job that saves puppies! That would make me so happy!” Oh, wait, saving puppies only pays $23,000 per year!?! Yeah, screw those puppies! I want to work for a private equity firm! I’m a boat, bitch!

Want to retain your employees? Stop trying to make your employees believe that the rubber vomit you’re manufacturing matters and pay them more and give them flexibility! Stop asshole managers from treating their people badly! And magically, you’ll have high retention, and your people will love working for you, even though you don’t save puppies!

I get it. Deep down, we all want to do something that changes the world for good. We want to help others and save puppies. And the concept of meaningful work does really matter, given all other things, like compensation, flexibility, great leaders and co-workers, etc., are equal.

If I can make six figures a year saving puppies, I’m saving puppies. You’re saving puppies. We are all saving puppies!

But it doesn’t, so our actions speak way louder than our words when it comes to career choices and change. Meaningful work is not the most important thing for people in their careers. It’s something to consider, but don’t get too caught up in believing it’s going to fix all of your employee experience issues!

The more we believe we’ve changed because of the pandemic, the more ridiculous we look each time we leave jobs and people we like for more money. We had a good thing, but we think more money will make it better. The truth is the vast majority of us have no idea what we really want, but we believe more money is always the best answer.

This past week I got a chance to head down from frigid cold Michigan and spend a couple of days in Phoenix (Thanks, Paradox/Olivia!). Some work, some play. I went to the PGA event being held in Scottsdale. If you aren’t familiar with the Waste Management Open PGA Event, and you love golf, this is a bucket list event to attend. If you hate golf and have zero interest, this is STILL a bucket list event to attend!

Basically, the Waste Management Open is what happens when someone said, “What if we have a party with 250,000 people and threw a golf tournament into the middle of it! I wish I was exaggerating, I’m not, it’s unbelievable fun and mayhem, and it’s a professional “boring” golf tournament!

It’s a giant party.

I got a really cool opportunity to spend the entire morning walking the course with a golf agent of one of the top players in the world. Super cool guy and very generous to let me tag along with him on his “job”. We were following his player. And of course, me being me, I was grilling him with questions and talking shop.

Because of all the crowd insanity going on, which is the opposite of a normal golf tournament, my belief was these golfers must LOVE this! The agent agreed, for one weekend, it’s very cool and most of the golfers love this unique experience. But. There’s always a but, right? This is their job. It’s a super stressful, performance-driven occupation where a missed put can mean you get paid to play golf on the weekend or you fly home early with nothing. Or a missed putt at the end of your round can cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars.

So, it’s great for one week, but it would be a nightmare having to deal with this every week!

Too many people think they want to work at the party!

Working at the party is fun, until you never have time for some calm. For some focused time. For some sanity in a stressful world. It’s why constant motivation and energy are unsustainable, the body and mind love to have it in doses, here and there, but it would be destroyed having it all the time.

I hear leaders tell their HR team, “I want an upbeat, high-energy work environment all the time!” And the HR team tries to build it, but it always fails. We can produce this for certain events, certain points in time, but constantly would be a nightmare. It would be some drunk dude screaming your name as you’re trying to make a $250K putt on the 18th green, but instead of this just happening once, it’s happening every single time you putt!

I think too many people mistake “fun” with “success”. I find that most employees who are successful in their job and career describe that success as having fun at work. As work being positive, etc. It’s very rare where you’ll find a successful employee who describes their work environment as not fun, boring, etc.

They think, if I’m having fun at work, that will feel amazing. But I can provide a fun environment and if you’re failing, you’ll still feel awful because you’re failing. “But, Timmy, there’s a roller coaster in the lobby! And we have beer anytime you want!” Yeah, but I can’t figure out how to do my job and I can’t reach my goals.

As a fan, I absolutely love the Waste Management Open and before I had a chance to hear and see the other side, my thought process was why hasn’t every PGA event turned into “this”? It’s because for how much everyone involved loves this ‘one’ event, having it over and over again, would no longer be fun for the main attraction, the golfers who are trying to do their job.

So, what’s the moral of this story? A little “party” goes along way!

Oh, I bet it’s working for a great boss! Or, maybe it’s having a best friend at work! No, it must be dog-friendly! Puppies make me happy! I wonder if it’s money or free tacos or something like that!?

No, you’re all wrong!

In fact, the one thing that correlates to high employee happiness at the office is the one thing you’re destroying! Isn’t that great! We’ve got one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything our employees ever wanted, but in that moment we let it slip…

There was a study done recently that asked about their modern workplaces. What was it in their office that made them the happiest? Turns out 90% of us want a private office. Yet, on the flip side, in all of our brilliance over 54% of us are converting our offices to open floor plans! Why? Because we’re stupid!

Also, because employees are kind of stupid in answering these kinds of surveys! They will tell you they want one of those cool, open office concepts with the bean bag chairs and picnic tables in a big room because look at those pictures of all the smiling faces of those employees. Also, is it just me, or do those smiling faces seem really attractive as well!? You know what? If we had open offices we would be more attractive!

For a decade, idiots like me and every media outlet known to man as talked about how Millennials just want open, collaborative spaces. We’ll be more productive, and have better teamwork, and make faster decisions, and be more collaborative, and we’ll solve global warming! The reality is much different. Turns out, working in a big, loud room with a bunch of fellow idiots employees makes you less productive.

Oh, great I get to sit in the middle of a giant room, across a giant table, and watch Steven pick his nose.

Here’s what happy productive employees actually want in an office:

• Private.
• Great WiFi and up to date technology.
• Quiet.
• Comfortable.
• Cool design (which doesn’t equal ‘open concept’).
• Well lighted.
• Professional.
• Clean, but not sterile.

Do we really hate cubes? Well, we hate cube farms that remind us of the 1979 Soviet Union. I don’t think most hate cubes that are designed for modern workspaces. The problem is we tend to not think about how we can use cubes in a modern design that lets people have a private space, but also open space for times they want that as well. It’s either cube farm or giant open warehouse, we tend to not think in between.

Ultimately, our employees want privacy and cool if you’re working for an organization that has made the decision that coming into the office is important to the success of the organization. I’m also going to guess if this study was done today, employees would also add “Flexibility” to the mix of what would make them most happy at work!

Wow, that seems aggressive!

The new, on-hold, Federal Vaccine Mandate has organizations all over the country losing their minds, and that is putting it lightly!

I have to say, for how dumb I usually think our US government is on most things, no matter what party is in charge, this Vaccine Mandate was kind of brilliantly written regardless of which side you’re on. Unlike most government regulations this one is pretty tight. You have two options:

1. Get the vaccine.
2. Put on a mask and test weekly.
3. See #1 or #2

It’s extremely rare that in HR we see something so straightforward.

“Well, Tim, you missed religious and medical accommodations!” No, not really. Doesn’t matter. Great you need or want accommodation, doesn’t matter. #1 or #2, which one do you want, #2 will fill your accommodation.

So, why are you stupid for charging your employees for Covid testing?

First, the new, on-hold, federal mandate, does allow employers to charge their employees who don’t want to get vaccinated and now have to be tested, weekly. Legally, you are allowed to charge your employees.

Second, doing so, no matter what you believe about the vaccine, is stupid!

It is next to impossible right now to hire great talent. Fact.

So, in this environment, you think the best way to retain employees is to tell them you’re going to make them pay for their own test?! Um, nope! They’ll just leave you and go work for someone who won’t make them pay and probably also doesn’t make them feel like a second-class citizen for making their own health choices.

I continue to hear from well-meaning HR pros across the country that they will be making their employees pay for their own testing, and honestly, I just don’t understand this stance. It seems like a recipe for disaster when it comes to retaining employees you desperately need.

But, the testing costs a lot and we want our employees to be vaccinated!

Yeah, I want world peace.

The fact is, in the US, we are not going to get everyone vaccinated. We have huge parts of our population that just don’t trust the vaccine is right for them. Under 50% of African Americans in the US are unvaccinated and have no desire to be vaccinated. Almost 50% of Union workers in the US are unvaccinated and have no desire to be vaccinated. This isn’t something even our government will be able to force.

US employers are going to have to make some hard choices if the courts decide to let this mandate go forward. For me, that choice will be to value all of our employees and work to keep everyone safe while also letting them make their own choice, and try not to make this a hardship for all involved financially.

The thing I won’t do is to shame employees who are fearful and I won’t make them pay to get tested.