My First Time!

It’s Re-Run Friday again – this post originally ran in April 2019!

Do you remember your first time!?

I was twenty-six years old.  At the time, I was living in Michigan and working in my first job right out of college.  I had been doing pretty well for myself and began moving up in the company.

I had just been put into a position where I had a couple of people reporting to me, and I had to hire a new person to report to me as well.  I hired this smart, young person right out of college. Their passion and energy immediately attracted me to them.

Oh, wait, you think I’m talking about…

Okay, let me start again.  This post isn’t about sex! This post is about my first termination!

Can you remember yours?

In my career, having to terminate individuals are some of my most memorable experiences.  I think if you have half a heart, you’re probably the same.  When I talk to upcoming HR graduates, I always try and forewarn them about this part of our job.

Terminating employees leads HR pros to heavy drinking or other forms of stress relief. That is a fact.

From time to time I hear HR pros talk boastful about firing someone, and it makes me sick to my stomach.  While I’ve had to terminate individuals who clearly deserved it, I never took pleasure in doing it.  It’s the one thing that really sucks about having a career in HR.  We get to see people at their weakest moments.

Most of us pray that no one ever has to see this side of ourselves.  Let alone, be in a position, where you frequently get to see this side of humanity.

When you terminate someone, there is a good chance you’re going to see this person’s biggest fears.  I have enough of my own fears. I don’t need to carry around the fears of others!

My first time?

I had to fire the young kid I hired with all the passion and energy, hoping they were going to change the world, fresh out of college.  This person just couldn’t come up to speed as a recruiter. It happens. I worked with this person, encouraged them, but eventually this person was ‘dead-employee’ walking.

Their body kept showing up for work, but their mind and heart had given up.  No matter how hard they physically worked, it wasn’t going to happen for them.  So, I pulled them into the conference room and told them it was time.

No real emotion to make this termination more memorable than any other. The person was upset, and you could see this was not something they had written on their bucket list.  They stood up, walked out, and my life went on.

Nine years later, I’m working at Applebee’s in HR.  I was responsible for seventy restaurants, and I happened to stroll into one of the locations and there was my first termination working behind the bar!  I saw him before he saw me, but once he saw me he froze.

I went over to say ‘hi’, and catch up.  It was awkward and clunky, but I’m an HR pro, I was trained to do this.  After I let him go, he bounced around for a few years, and finally decided to go back to school, and had taken the bartender job at Applebee’s to make ends meet.

I saw this person a number of times after, and on one visit, he asked to talk.  He said that the day I walked into the Applebee’s, and he learned who I was, in my new position, he assumed I was going to fire him again.  I said, “For what?!” He said, “I don’t know, just because.”

It hit me hard.  This wasn’t about terminating a poor performer and moving on.  This person carried that termination around like a backpack for nine years, and as soon as they saw me, all that fear and feelings of failure flooded back to him.

Welcome to the show kids. Sometimes working in HR sucks.

I Want You To Want Me

We make talent acquisition much harder than it needs to be. We talk about employment branding, candidate experience, and recruitment analytics—all important, but sometimes we overlook the basics of attracting great talent.

At its core, the most powerful talent attractor is simple: it’s about being wanted.

I want you to want me.

Imagine getting a call from a recruiter who wants you to join their team. Doesn’t that make you feel good? It’s like a validation of your skills and worth. We all love to feel wanted—it’s a basic, natural emotion.

The key to successful talent acquisition is helping your team and organization understand this. Imagine if recruitment felt more like trying to impress someone you like, rather than assuming candidates should naturally be drawn to us.

Unfortunately, that’s often not the case. We tend to act as though candidates should be eager to join us, rather than recognizing our own desire to have them on board.

Now, flip the scenario. Imagine that same call from a recruiter, but this time they’re not interested in you personally; instead, they’re seeking referrals. How would that make you feel? Dismissed and unimportant, right?

We want to be wanted. We want to be desired.

If you can shift your recruiters’ mindset to embrace this concept, you’ll notice a remarkable change in how you approach candidate interactions. Understanding that candidates are just like us—yearning to feel wanted—makes recruiting feel effortless.

“So, I shouldn’t act like I’m doing them a favor by talking to them?”

Exactly! Treat every interaction like you’re hoping they’ll agree to a date—with enthusiasm and genuine interest, but without the direct proposal. Consider your communication with candidates as a reflection of how you’d want to be approached yourself.

So, you want to lead?

I’ve been talking with a lot of C-suite leaders lately who are worried because they don’t see next-gen leaders on their teams. It’s not that they lack team members, but they don’t see these individuals as future leaders, or they feel they’re not close to being ready for leadership roles.

The current team members mean well. They want to be leaders and often talk the talk, but just wanting to be a leader isn’t enough. This is a common sentiment among C-suite executives.

Real leadership isn’t about making promises—it’s about taking action and producing results.

Give me someone who can achieve goals, and I believe I can help them become a leader. Too often, we look for leadership qualities like we look for friends. Is this someone I’d want to hang out with? Can I trust them? Are they pleasant? Do they smell nice? Do I get along with them, and do others as well? Would I follow them? If they jumped off a bridge, would I jump off a bridge?

I don’t need my leaders to be my buddies; I need them to accomplish tasks. Can you get things done without upsetting everyone around you? Finding this balance is important. Sometimes, we focus too much on one side of the equation, and it’s not the side of getting things done!

So, you want to lead?

Great! The key is to deliver results. The approach is simple, but many fall short:

Clearly explain what needs to be done. Identify and address obstacles. Set deadlines and agree on how tasks will be completed. Remove roadblocks and excuses. Follow up consistently. Emphasize accountability. Get things done.

In my experience, the most effective leaders don’t make promises; they deliver results. Every day. Every project. Leaders who rely on promises often fade away over time. Turns out most organizations value actions over words—they need tasks to be accomplished.

Oops, I Did It Again: The Big Regret

Welcome back to Re-Run Friday – this post originally ran in April 2022!

The Big Regret! How’s that new job treating you?

When 4-5 million people per month change jobs, mostly for more money, there are going to be some consequences! Turns out, the grass isn’t always greener when you get more green!

A Muse survey, reported in the WSJ, recently found out that nearly 75% of workers who’ve changed jobs recently have regretted it, and 50% of those would try and get their old job back! That’s a lot! But it’s not surprising.

The biggest stressors we have in life are having kids, buying a house, and changing jobs. We tend to make bad decisions when stressed, and when you have 4-5 million people per month making that decision, well, that’s a lot of bad decisions!

What will we learn from the Big Regret?!

1. Money isn’t everything, but once you get more of it, it’s hard to go back to the old money level.

2. The old job and the old boss didn’t really suck, and the stuff we thought sucked at the old job, suck at the new job as well. It’s called “work” for a reason.

3. The power of someone paying attention to us and making us feel pretty is the most powerful force on the planet. Never underestimate it.

4. You can go back to your old job, but it will be different. It’s like going back to your ex. You are both a bit smarter and a bit more cautious now. There are some scars. Same people, same company, same job, but it’s not the same. Doesn’t make it bad, but you can’t expect it to be the same.

5. You can’t really judge a job until a couple of things happen: 1. You actually know how to do the job fully; 2. Co-workers stop seeing you as the newbie. In every case, that timeline is different. Be patient and do the job before you judge it.

6. If you find that you have an asshole boss at every job you work, the asshole might be you, not the boss.

7. In the future, when we have more jobs than available workers, let’s not act surprised when people start changing jobs. It’s happened in every similar economic cycle in the modern world. It’s called opportunity. Don’t confuse that with the world has changed.

What should you do if you hate your new Great Resignation Job?

  • Take some time to really determine what you hate. Was that different from the old job? Was it the same? Will it be that way at the next job? Too many folks don’t know what they hate and they just keep selecting the same jobs they hate time and time again, but with a new pay rate and new address.
  • Some of us immediately want to return back to our old job. That might work, it might not. A psychological thing happens to so many managers once you leave them. It’s like you broke up with them and now you want to run back to that comfort. You’ll find many have no interest, and it has nothing to do with your value and performance, and everything to do with them feeling like you’ll hurt them again.
  • Try and find something you like to do, but call it “work”. This is different than the B.S. you’re told about work doing something you love and you’ll never work another day in your life! I’m no life coach, but that crap doesn’t work. You call it “work” even if you love it, because one day you’ll show up to do what you thought you loved and find out its work, and you’ll be depressed and broken. You don’t love work. You love your family and your God and puppies. You work to put yourself in a position to be able to do what you love. If you’re super lucky, every once in a while those two things will overlap.

What is a Passive Candidate anyway?

Every hiring manager wants passive candidates – to stumble on those hidden talents just waiting to be discovered. But what exactly defines a passive candidate today? Let’s break it down without the frilly stuff.

Traditionally, passive candidates were those who were not actively seeking jobs. But what does “actively searching” really mean? It used to include only the unemployed, those in irrelevant jobs, or on the verge of being fired. But that’s too narrow in today’s reality.

Recruiters often boast about finding “passive” candidates like they’ve hit the jackpot. But let’s be real. Take Timmy, for example. He seems passive, but he’s quietly applying for jobs while stuck in a dead-end job. Anyone with an online profile is fair game – they may not hunt for jobs daily, but they’re definitely open to offers.

So, here’s an updated definition:

“A Passive Candidate is someone found through various channels, not actively seeking your job.”

A passive candidate isn’t someone you found who hasn’t happened to think about applying to your job, yet. They actually might be the most active candidate on the planet, who you just happen to run into. Think of candidates buried in your database or referrals from employees.

We know a truly passive candidate when we speak to one. They’re a bit nervous. A bit surprised. A bit flattered. You can tell they’re not used to talking to recruiters and feel guilty talking to you. This is the person you’re hiring managers are asking for when they say they want a passive candidate.

This isn’t to say passive candidates are better. That’s an entire other post, but let’s not act like we are providing passive candidates when we aren’t.

Lessons from Past Jobs I’ve Had

When I started college, HR wasn’t even on my radar. Was it on yours?

Here’s how it unfolded for me:

I got a degree in elementary education with dreams of shaping young minds. Teaching seemed like a fulfilling path, with the perks of summers off and being one of the few guys among a sea of female teachers. I was sold.

After a bit in education, I transitioned into sales and recruiting. I liked to talk – so these worked well for me. But, luckily, from here I stumbled into HR through a client who mentored me into it.

Here are five skills from those earlier jobs that helped me in HR:

  1. Confidence: Teaching taught me the importance of confidence. Kids are like sharks (kinda) – they can sense fear. Similarly, in HR, confidence is crucial when dealing with constant questioning and crazy situations.
  2. Positive Attitude: Positivity was my mantra in sales, and it serves me well in HR too. No one likes a negative Nancy. HR is often associated with negativity and maintaining a sunny outlook can make all the difference.
  3. Proactivity: Instead of waiting for problems to arise, I learned the value of being proactive. This way of thinking has been really helpful in HR. It’s all about being proactive and getting ahead of problems before they become big issues.
  4. Humility: Balancing confidence with humility is a fine line. In teaching, not keeping promises hurts your credibility. With the kids, with peers, everyone. Similarly, in HR, being humble builds trust and reliability, which are important for good relationships in the organization.
  5. Persuasion: Whether convincing students or candidates, persuasion is a skill I honed in previous roles. In HR, the ability to sell ideas and projects is paramount, whether it’s advocating for a new initiative or garnering support for organizational change.

These skills have not only helped me excel in HR but have also empowered me to effectively advocate for the tools and technology necessary to drive organizational success.

That’s my journey. What about yours? Which skills from your past experiences have proven indispensable in your HR career?

Soft Feedback Isn’t Cutting It

Today, it’s rare to get honest feedback. Most people just want praise instead of hearing what they need to improve on.

The thing is, folks struggle with criticism unless they’re expecting it. And not many have the guts to handle it well. So, instead of giving real feedback, we often sugarcoat things to avoid hurting feelings.

Here’s an example:

Soft Feedback: “You’re doing well, but it’d be nice if you could push that project forward.”

Honest Feedback: “You’re good at what you’re told to do, but I need someone who can take charge of projects without constant supervision. I’m here to help you grow, but I need more initiative from you. Can you step up?”

Both say the same thing, but the honest one gives clearer direction. Sadly, we rarely give this kind of feedback because we’re scared of upsetting people.

So, how do we fix this?

It starts with hiring. Candidates need to know we value honest communication and expect them to take feedback well. Those who handle it during interviews are more likely to thrive in a culture that values growth over ego.

For existing employees, leaders need to lead by example. They should show they’re open to feedback themselves and train others to give it constructively.

Coaching and mentorship programs can also help. They give employees support and examples to help them embrace feedback for personal growth.

Sure, it takes time and effort. But companies that prioritize honest feedback build a culture of trust and growth. Employees see the value in open communication, making the company stand out as a place where people can truly grow.

Ditching the Generics

You might say you’re only hiring ‘top talent’, but you’re probably settling for generics. It’s like choosing between store-brand and name-brand meds – sure, generics might seem like a good deal, but do they really measure up?

Here’s how you can tell.  Ask yourself why you hired one of your recent hires.  If it was because they had the skills to do the job, a nice personality, and didn’t smell funny, you hired a generic.  If you hired them because they can do the job and you can specifically say why they fit your culture, you hired a brand name!

There lies the problem, you have a generic employment brand. It doesn’t have to be generic. You made it generic because it sounded safe and professional. Because it sounded like every other boring brand you have heard or seen. “Timmy, you don’t get it, we aren’t Google or McDonalds”.  Thank God. No one likes that crappy food and Google probably hires worse than you.

At my company, we keep it real. We’re all about being down-to-earth, welcoming families and pets into the office, and valuing hard work over clock-watching. Yeah, we swear in meetings. We’re not afraid to take risks, and we value building strong client relationships. And yes, we’re pretty loyal to our alma mater, but that’s just part of what makes us unique.

We don’t settle for generics; we look for people who fit our brand. Those who don’t, well, they don’t stick around for long. Because generics and brands just don’t mix. Brands build strong cultures; generics leave people feeling disconnected.

So, it’s time to ditch the generics and start building a team that’s as unique as your brand. Because when it comes to talent, being generic just won’t cut it.

High-Maintenance Who?

Ever wished there was a way to spot high-maintenance behavior during job interviews?

We hire high-maintenance employees because they’re very good at hiding their diva-ness during the interview process. Sometimes they even hide it through the probationary period of their employment. These are the really hard-to-handle ones because they know they’re divas and hide it long enough to make your life difficult.

So, what’s the best approach when you find yourself dealing with one?

Managing these individuals has been a recurring challenge in my HR career. They have a knack for causing trouble and thrive on being the center of attention. The key lies in redirecting their focus from their personal needs to what the organization requires. But how do you go about doing that?

Usually, high-maintenance employees become a problem because their direct supervisor doesn’t stop this issue immediately when it comes to light. But, this is common, especially with new hiring managers, so it’s critical to work with them and help them become better managers.

These employees are skilled at playing you against their manager. It’s essential to prevent this from happening. Collaborating closely with the hiring manager to create a unified approach is vital. When they attempt to stir up trouble, it’s important to intervene immediately: “Let’s bring in your supervisor so we can sort this out together.” Despite their objections regarding confidentiality, emphasize the importance of clarity and alignment among all parties.

High-maintenance employees hate to be on the same page because they get their power from the lack of communication within organizations. So the best way to limit their impact is to get everyone in the same room and nip the issue in the bud before it gets way out of hand.

Say Goodbye to the Employee Handbook Snooze Fest

Updating an employee handbook is like doing your taxes – it’s a necessary chore that nobody looks forward to. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

There’s two types of companies when it comes to these handbooks:

Option #1 – We’ve had the same employee handbook since the beginning of time. It’s written on stone tablets.

Option #2 – We rewrite our employee handbook each year because it’s the most important document on the planet.

The problem is both options usually end up writing an employee handbook that reads like a welcome packet to prison. If you forced candidates to read your employee handbook before actually accepting a position with your company 99% would decline your offer!

Your handbook can be more than just a boring document; it can be engaging and reflective of your company’s culture. Here are some tips to make your handbook more appealing to people like me:

  1. Tell a Story: Instead of listing rules and regulations, try to tell a story. People are more likely to read through something if it’s presented in a narrative format. Work with someone in your organization who has a knack for storytelling to craft a more engaging handbook.
  2. Explain the ‘Why’: Many rules in handbooks seem arbitrary. To make them more understandable, explain the reasoning behind them. Even if the rule itself remains unchanged, transparency helps employees understand its purpose.
  3. Add Visuals: To make your handbook more visually appealing, bring in a graphic designer to add some color and simple illustrations. This can help break up the text and make it easier to read.
  4. Communicate Your Culture: Your real culture. Don’t have a funny and engaging handbook when you have a buttoned-up culture, it sends a mixed message. Also, don’t write this boring legal document of a handbook if you have “No Pants Wednesdays” in your office. It doesn’t fit your culture!

Does anyone have a good employee handbook story? What’s the longest handbook you’ve seen?