Have you interviewed anyone recently, and haven’t been able to find anything about them online?
No LinkedIn profile. No Facebook. No Twitter. No Instagram. Google even seem to turn up nothing. It was like the person didn’t exist, yet there she was right in front of you, with a resume, work history, and educational transcripts. A living, breathing, walking ghost.
A social ghost, to be sure.
I had this happen a couple of weeks ago. It was disconcerting to say the least. Of course, I knew this when I asked the person to come in to interview. It was one of the main reasons I asked her to come in. It was like I found this mythical creature, this interview unicorn. There was no way I was passing this up.
Besides the resume with verified job history, valid driver’s license, address, educational records and a credit history, it was as if this person never existed.
I think the kids call this a “Catfish”, or at least thats what I expected to have come interview with me. This ‘Susan’ would come in and really be a ‘Samuel’! I’ve been in the game a long time, ‘Susan’ wasn’t going to pull one over on me.
I once had a friend who told me he gave up TV. I didn’t really believe him, either. Let’s be real, no one gives up TV. And, as usual, I was right. He gave away his TV, but he didn’t give away his laptop, his tablet and his smartphone. He was still watching, trying to act like he saved the fucking world by giving away his TV device. Like we don’t know you have twenty other devices in your house to watch shows on.
But, I digress, back to my social ghost, Susan. (of course, Susan isn’t her real name I changed that, I’m a pro, her real name is Jennifer)
I asked Susan the question we would all want to ask in this circumstance: “Susan can you tell me why you hate America?”
She seemed perplexed by this, almost like she didn’t comprehend what I was asking her, but I knew better. She knew exactly where I was going with my line of questioning. Why would a person choose to lead a life of anonymity, when a fully functioning narcissistic life is easily within her reach?
I showed her how if you Googled “Tim Sackett” I, soley, was the first 127 pages of the search results, working towards 130. I explained how I ‘socially’ erased another “Tim Sackett”, the Truck Driver Chaplin, almost from existence. Almost like he never stopped at a truck stop along I80 attempting to save lives in the name of Jesus. It was a life’s work. My life’s work. I could tell she was impressed.
At the point where I had just about cracked her, she softly spoke one word, “privacy”, spilled from her lips like a small newborn logging onto Instagram video for the first time.
Privacy. I knew there was something about her I didn’t like.
The interview ended. So, did her chances of ever getting hired by me.
This privacy girl sounds similar (but not as severe) as a past coworker. She baffled everyone. I sometimes humored myself wondering if she was in a witness protection program. She was peculiar & not in a good way or even a fun way. She wouldn’t give away her birthday & was extremely paranoid about anyone knowing her birth year. We didn’t know where she was from or anything about family members. The most I knew about her was that after work she hung out with guys or dated a lot (but knew nothing of her dates or if they were real), otherwise she spent her evenings eating diet yogurt & smoking cigarettes. She often asked me about the other females in the office, wondering if they liked her but was often paranoid they didn’t like her, worried they were jealous of her. As if! She wasn’t ugly. I would say she was mildly attractive in a cutesy but unusual way. Most of the other women in the office were attractive.
Nice piece. However, there’s a reason that there is the “Broadway” saying of, “Satire closes on Saturday night.”
well, not very good satire
Everyone is a critic.
This, is pure gold. A completely enjoyable article that quietly digs at some truths we all know are there but often refuse to admit. I applaud you for this.
And, you may want to follow Facebook’s lead and post [satire] somewhere in the article. This is close enough to real life people may be confused.
Tim, is wanting privacy a job disqualifier?
What if she had been attacked, stalked, bullied, or harassed by some guy on the Internet?