Category Archives: Communication

11 Rules for Hugging at Work + 2 more

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It’s the holidays, so I’m running some “Best of” posts from the past. This is my all-time most read post. Enjoy. I had 2 more rules just for you!

Hello. My name is Tim Sackett, and I’m a hugger.   Being a hugger can make for some awkward moments – what if the other person isn’t expecting a, or doesn’t want to, hug and you’re coming in arms-wide-open!?

Fast Company has an article recently titled: To Hug Or Not To Hug At Work? by Drake Baer, that delved into this subject.  Here’s a piece from the article:

“the uncomfortable feeling you get when you realize that your concept of your relationship with someone else doesn’t match their concept. The intensity of awkwardness roughly corresponds to the magnitude of difference in relationship concepts.”

I consider myself to have a number of roles: Husband, Dad, Coach, Boss, Friend, Coworker, etc.  In each of those roles I’ve hugged and will continue to hug.  Sometimes, though rarely, I’ll find someone who isn’t a hugger.  The first time I ever met Kris Dunn face-to-face, we’ve had known each other and talked frequently by phone for a year, at the HR Tech Conference – he was coming out of a session, I recognized him, he recognized me, and I went full ‘bro-hug’ (sideways handshake, other arm hug-back slap combo) on him, and I’m pretty sure he was caught off guard – but played along.  Kris is a closet hugger.  I find Southern folks are huggers, more than Northern.  Western more than Eastern.  Canadians more than Americans.  Men feel much more comfortable hugging women than other men. Women will hug anything.

I thought it was about time we had some hugging rules for the office, so here goes:

The Hugging Rules

1. Don’t Hug those you supervise. (The caveats: You can hug a subordinate if: it’s being supportive in a non-creepy way (major family or personal loss – sideways, kind of arm around the shoulder, you care about them hug);  it’s at a wedding and you are congratulating them; it’s a hug for a professional win (promotion, giant sale, big project completion, etc.) and it’s with a group, not alone in your office with the lights off; you would feel comfortable with your spouse standing next you and watching that specific hug.)

2. Hug your external customers or clients when they initiate hugging sequence.  (The caveats: Don’t hug if: it is required to get business – that’s not hugging, that harassment. Don’t let hug last more than a second or two, or it gets creepy; Don’t mention the hug afterwards, that makes you seem creepy!)

3. Don’t Hug the office person you’re having an affair with in the office.  (no explanation needed)

4. Hug peers, not just every day. (It’s alright to hug, but you don’t need to do it everyday for people you see everyday. Save some up and make it special!)

5. When you Hug, hug for real. (Nothing worse than the ‘fake hug’!  A fake hug is worse than a non-Hug.)

6. Don’t whisper – ‘You smell good’ – when hugging someone professionally. (That’s creepy – in fact don’t whisper anything while hugging!)

7. Don’t close your eyes while hugging professionally.  (That’s weird and a bit stalkerish)

8.  It is alright to announce a Hug is coming. (Some people will appreciate a – ‘Hey! Come here I’m giving you a hug – it’s been a long time!’)

9. It’s never alright to Hug from behind.  (Creepier!)

10.  Never Hug in the restroom. (Make for awkward moment when other employees walk in and see that.)

11.  If you’re questioning yourself whether it will be alright to Hug someone professionally – that is your cue that it probably isn’t.

The New Rules:

12. Don’t pat my back when you Hug me.  It makes me feel like you’re trying to burp me. I know this somehow makes you feel like people will view this as a non-affectionate hug, but it makes me feel like you feel it’s a non-affectionate hug. Just hug, or don’t hug.

13. Don’t assume you can Hug a co-workers kids (or any kid for that manner!), but if the kid tries to Hug you, you better Hug back.  My team has their kids come in all the time. I love kids. I’ll Hug their kids. But I’ll wait for the kid or the parent to give me that cue. I usually start with a ‘Hi-Five’ and some kids will just come in for the real thing! Parents are super protective of their kids. If you just start hugging on them, that can get real creepy, real fast!

 Do you have any hugging rules for the office?

You Will Never Win The Employee Engagement Battle

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There is an interesting Psychological phenomenon that happens when you do something over and over, it’s called “decline effect.”  Decline effect, simply, is when you first go out and measure something, then put some focus on bettering that one thing, as you continue to do it, you don’t get better results the more you do it, you actually start to see declining results.  I bring this up as I see so many articles recently written on declining Employee Engagement, and almost all of those articles focus on the economy and the lack of additional or more choices for the employee to change, as being the primary culprit for lower engagement scores.  That could definitely be one answer, and it fits well with the timing of our economic collapse – all though I think many companies actually saw engagement scores increase as the economy started to go south.  So, maybe this decline effect fits for some organizations.

Here’s my theory.  Over the past 5-10 years employee engagement has been a huge focus of HR shops around the world.  An entire consultancy industry has sprung up to support increasing organizations employee engagement levels.  As organizations do, meaning we usually go right ditch – left ditch, we focused on Engagement!  We began by measuring our baseline – we then implemented programs – and we saw the fruit of our labor by increased scores.  Every year we went out to increase those scores, damn the torpedoes, we need more engagement, I don’t care if you have 100% engagement – Google has 105% engagement – we need that as well!  So we double-triple-quadruple our engagement efforts, but something strange started to happen – our scores weren’t getting better, they started to creep the other way – oh no – they’re getting worse!

Has to be those lazy managers – more leadership training is needed – more focus. Still lower scores.  Oh wait, those lazy employees, we need to change some of them as well. Still lower scores. Must be that crappy engagement vendor we are using  – go find a new one! Still lower scores.

Give up?

When I bough my first house, I was very happy with it.  I had never had a house and my first small, cozy house was perfect.  3 bedrooms, 2 baths and a lawn – and I was happy.  Then I bought my next house and it had more, it had more bedrooms, more bathrooms, more lawn – and I was even more happy!  Then I bought my next house and it had all my last house had, but it more garage and it was on the water and it had more space. But, I really wasn’t happier – it seemed like the more space had some issues as well – it cost more, it took longer to clean, it was just more work.

We spend so much time and effort on making our employees happy.  New chair – you’ll be more comfortable.  Free lunch – you look hungry.  Let me wash your cat – you look overworked. Have a free massage – you look tired.  Let me fix your boss – he doesn’t seem very nice.  Then all of sudden we don’t have more of offer, anything else to make better.  It’s not that our employees weren’t engaged before all of this, they were – we just wanted more – but more comes with a price.  To keep more, you have to keep giving more and eventually you’ll run into a wall where more isn’t the answer. When more won’t give you more – it will start giving you less.

Employee Engagement is tricky – don’t fall into the “more” trap – you won’t like what you will create!

Sometimes You Paint Fish in Vaginas

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Pablo Picasso is one of the greatest and most influential artists of the 20th century. He has some of the greatest works ever made.  He also made this. It’s called The Mackerel.

The Mackerel
Yep. One of the greatest artist ever made this. You see, to make great works, you have to make a lot of works. Great artist don’t just make great works. Sometimes they make fish in vaginas.  Sometimes what they think is a good idea fails. That’s how they perfect their craft. Every once in a while, greatness is the result.

I write a lot. At least every business day I have a post going up. Many times I have posts going up on other sites, as well.  Ideas come to me, such as my frustration with sourcing and talent acquisition, and I write about them.
I feel, far too often, talent acquisition blindly follows the pack without determining what is right for their environment, their culture, and their needs. Does this mean every day I’m frustrated with HR, recruiting and sourcing?  No. I’m going to write some stuff that I’ll look back on and wonder, “Why did I write that!?”

That’s part of the process.

We are at a place in our society where you can’t have one idea one day, and have another idea the next, if it contradicts one idea you’ve ever had in your whole entire life. What I believe in now, 20 years into my career, isn’t even close to what I believed in starting out in my career. And we lose our minds and judge people in this industry if someone has a different opinion than ours.

At this point in my career, I don’t read a lot of stuff in the HR and Talent space, primarily because I agree with a lot of it.  It’s like the pastor preaching to the choir. It’s not needed because they’ve already bought in!  Now I like reading stuff that I totally disagree with because it challenges my assertions and makes me rethink my positions.

It’s not my goal to write about stuff that is controversial. I’m not that guy. I get far more traffic on my positive posts than on my controversial posts. And it’s easier to write about hugs and babies and show videos that make you cry and appreciate your life.

But I will write about stuff that matters. Some of it will be great. Some of it won’t stick. I hope that people in our industry will see the art for what it is and avoid personal attacks. I know some of the most vocal people in our space. I admire them for their skills. I want to give everybody the space to develop new and deeper ideas, even if those ideas contradict earlier blog posts. And I don’t want to start calling them out when they write their fish-in-vaginas sourcing and talent manifestos.

***Shoutout to my friend Laurie Ruettimann for some editing help with this post***

 

 

5 Reasons I’m Not Telling Where I’m Going

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There is a phenomenon that I find completely hysterical.  It’s this little game we play in our culture.  You go and accept a new position, with a new company.  You come back to your current employer and you put in your notice.  Your boss instantly says, “where are you going?” You replay with, “I’d rather not say.”

Happens, Right? Almost 100% of the time.

So, you wait the two weeks, or whatever notice it was, and the very next Monday the person updates their LinkedIn profile and posts on Facebook where they actually went.

I find this ‘dance’ we do very, very funny.

Look, I get it.  Your employees believe one of five things will happen to them if they tell you where they are going:

1. You’ll magically find some way to screw me over, because you’re upset I’m leaving you. Jealous girlfriend style.  This one is almost never happens, but it’s the first one that comes to mind for most employees!  Look, if I had that much power to screw over everyone who worked here, I wouldn’t be working here!

2. I’m not telling you because for once in this relationship, I finally have the power!  This is the real reason, for most people! You just sound like a complete freak if you actually verbalize it out loud!  I actually understand this one from a psychology position.  If you don’t feel you have control, then you get control, you’re not going to give that up easily!

3. You’ll judge me for the company I’m going to. Either way, you’re going to judged, so this is completely true!  Most organizations are like family. If you decide to leave the family, for that crackhead family down the block, I’m going to judge you!  Plan on it.

4. You’ll judge me for the position I’m going to take. See #3.  This one probably has less merit.  I was one of these people. I had in my mind a certain ‘title’ I needed to get to, so I moved around a bit in my early career, chasing titles. Then one day you wake up and realize it’s baloney. Just pay me.

5. It’s always been done that way in our culture, so let’s keep it going!  This is also a large part of what’s going on in these situations.  I took a new job. The people before me didn’t say where they were going, so I’m shouldn’t either!

My take is that you have to do you.  You don’t want to tell anyone, that’s fine, they’ll all know in about 14 days anyway. If that makes you feel all big and powerful for a few weeks, great! We should feel that way from time to time.

For myself, I have friends at every company I every worked for. Also, I wanted to maintain a professional relationship with the leaders of the organizations I’ve been with.  I told people where I was going.  We talked about it, and I tried to help them understand if it was just me, or if it was them.  Ultimately, how can we leave this point in our lives better than we found it.

My way isn’t the correct way, it’s just my way.  Everyone has to make this decision for themselves, but I’m still going to laugh at it when I hear “I’d rather not say”.

 

3 Things HR Pros Should Never Apologize For

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I think HR Pros apologize way too much, and I got the idea from the Fast Company article – “3 Things Professional Women Should Stop Apologizing For“, which are:

  1. Their Financial Expectations (I.E., pay us the same!)
  2. Their Physical Appearance (I.E., Sorry we aren’t club ready – I was up with a sick kid all night!)
  3. Their Professional Accomplishments (I.E., Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I can’t brag about what I do great!)

It’s a great article, check it out.  This got me thinking about all things we Apologize for in HR – that we should stop apologizing for – so here’s the Top 3 Things HR Pros should stop apologizing for:

1. You Getting Fired!  Oh, boy this could be #1, #2 and #3!  I can’t tell you how many HR folks I’ve trained over the past 20 years that I’ve specifically said “When you let this person go – Don’t apologize!”  I mean truly, what are you saying! “I’m sorry you are terrible at your job, or made the decision to sexually harass your co-worker,  you’re fired!”  When you really stop and think about it, it even sounds funny.

2. You Not Getting Promoted.  This is almost the same as apologizing for getting fired.  Instead of apologizing to someone for not getting promoted, how about you give them a great development plan so they can actually get promoted!  Organizations can be big hairy breathing things, and sometimes decisions are made and you won’t know the reasons.  HR Pros shouldn’t apologize for you not getting promoted, but they should help you navigate the political and organizational landscape.

3. You not liking your Boss, your Job, your Pay.  Ugh!  We tend to apologize for all these personal ‘happy’ choices a person makes.  The last time I checked, I never forced anyone to take a job, or forced them to accept the pay I was offering them, or forced them to work in the occupation or career they chose.  These are their own personal choices, if you don’t like it, LEAVE!  Go be happy somewhere else.  I hope that you’ll be happy here, but I can’t force you to be happy. I’ll try and give you a solid leader, with good pay and challenging work, but sometimes what I see as solid, good and challenging might not meet your expectations.  That’s when you need to make a happiness decision!

So, what should you apologize for a HR Pro?  I can think of two things that I apologize for on a regular basis: 1) Things I can Control (If I control it, and I screw it up, I need to offer you an apology); 2) Surprises!  (I might not be able to control surprises, but they suck when it comes to business and your livelihood.  I apologize for surprises because in HR it’s my job to make sure those don’t happen to you as an employee).

The Search for the Magical Solution

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Have you been in that place?  You know the place. That place where you feel the only option you have is to find some ‘magical’ solution to whatever problem or issue you’re facing.

That’s the problem, there is no magical solution.

But we search, and search, and search.  This seems to happen a lot in HR.  We tend to need more magical solutions than most other parts of the organization.

The search only stops when the problem takes care of itself.  And it always does.  Mostly, you just take too long to come up with a magical solution, so time does it for you.  This is usually the worst option, but since you didn’t move on any solution, the only solution presented itself.

We spend so much time and resources searching for magical solutions.

That’s really your sign.  The moment you believe it’s going to take some sort of extraordinary solution to solve your issue is when you should stop looking.  That is the exact time when you start providing ‘lessor’ options.  Well, we aren’t going to land Jack, our number one candidate and the only person in the world that can do this job.  Here are two others that can do about 75% of what we need.  When would you like to talk to them?

Lessor doesn’t mean bad.  It only means that it’s lessor than magical!  Look, we can’t come up with a magical solution, here’s what we have.  The faster you can move forward, away from magical, the sooner you’ll actually solve your problem for real.

I’m pretty damn good at Recruiting and HR stuff, but I’m not magical.

What I can do is move things forward in the best direction we have available to us.  You might not want to hear that, because magical stories are so great to listen to, but this is what we have.  Stop searching for magical solutions and start delivering real solutions.

 

5 Things That Scream You’re Not Getting Paid Enough

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I was reading an article recently, it was one of those “Best Places To Work” type of articles.  Since I run a company, I’m always looking out for good ideas on how to take care of your employees without spending a dime – unfortunately – “Best Places” companies that make these lists usually don’t give you these type 0f ideas!   What you get from “Best Places” articles are all the over the top crap – gourmet cat food for your in cube pet-mate, free liposuction for your spouse and discounted tattoo eyeliner coupons.  I would love for my company to be on the top of every single “Best Places” to work article – but we probably won’t.  I care too much about my employees to make that happen.

What?!?

Yes, you read that right – My greatest weakness is I care too much!

It costs an organization a ton of money to make a “Best Places” list – not in actually applying to make the list (oh yeah, they are chosen randomly – you have to apply – the Top 100 Greatest Places to Work isn’t really the Top 100 Greatest Places to Work – it was the Top of the companies that applied for the award Greatest Places to Work), but in doing all the silly crap they do, so they sound like a great place to work.  Many of the best places to work, will never be on a list, because they are spending their time, money and effort – on their employees!

Here are some things that “Best Places to Work” companies and You Not Getting Paid Enough have in common”

1. If you’re company has unlimited gourmet free breakfast, lunch and dinner provided – you’re not getting paid enough.  Cut that crap out and pay me $10K more per year – I’ll bring in my own Greek Yogurt and granola.

2. If your company pays to have your laundry done and your house clean – you’re not getting paid enough.

3. If your company is taking you on luxury vacations and dinners that cost more than your monthly home mortgage – you’re not getting paid enough.

4. If your company spend more on marketing themselves as a great place to work, than on your employee development – you’re not getting paid enough.

5. If your CEO flies to work on a daily or weekly basis – you’re not getting paid enough.

So, how do I show my employees that I care and that we have a great place to work?  I don’t waste money on things that ultimately become a negative when I need to take them away because we aren’t making the money for our shareholders.  All great places to work, eventually become average or crappy places to work – because sustaining luxury programs that you put in place when your doing well – become negatives to engagement when you tighten your boot straps.

Pay your people fairly. Meet their needs as adults. Treat them professionally and with respect.  That’s a great place to work.

The Real Reason Feedback Sucks in the Corporate World

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So, yeah, I’m really lucky to have what I’ll call “professional” friends, thankfully many of which I now consider personal friends, that are willing to give me ‘real’ feedback.

What is ‘real’ feedback, you ask?

When I suck, they tell me I suck.  When I’m brilliant they tell me I suck! Just kidding. When I’m brilliant they tell me I’m brilliant.  When I can be better, they tell me that as well.

I’m Lucky.

You can’t have this in normal work feedback.

You see there are two things in a normal work feedback loop that make it impossible for you to accept and deliver real feedback.  One is competition. The other is trust.

My friends have only one intent when they give me feedback. They want me to be the best I can be at whatever it is I’m trying to be.  I/They feel absolutely no competition with me on any level.  When I do something great, they’re cheering for me.  When they do something great, I’m cheering for them.  We only want to see each other succeed. When you are delivering feedback from a place where your ONLY intent is to see the other person truly have success, then you can deliver ‘real’ feedback.

The other aspect is trust.  I must trust with all my being that they only want to see me succeed.  This way I’ll accept their feedback with nothing but positive intent and gratefulness, that they are willing to help me succeed.   When this happens, it’s magical.

I never feel defensive when my friends tell me I didn’t do ‘well’ (hat tip to Professor Marcus Stewart) enough.  I feel energized that I need to do better.  When they tell me I’m brilliant, I walk around on a cloud all day, because I know I was truly brilliant in that moment. They wouldn’t tell me otherwise.  I trust that.

That’s why feedback sucks in the corporate world.  Competition and lack of trust.  You and your boss and your peers are in a competition with each other.  You are all competing to reach the next level, many times at the sacrifice of one another. That’s why you never truly believe the feedback you’re getting.  It might be buried way deep down, but it’s there, a lack of trust that they really want to see you ‘fully’ succeed.  Succeed so much, you might take their job, or rise above them.

Feedback is different when your only intent is that you truly wish the greatest success possible for the person you are delivering it to, and they trust that it is the case.

Just a little something to strive for today, leaders.

 

3 Real Reasons HR Does Exit Interviews

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The exit interview process is much like most organizations employee referral process. You believe you should have a process.  You design the process.  It’s going to be great! It starts out great.  At some point, soon after starting the process, it dies a slow horrible death!

Exit interviews are something every HR pro believes are important, but very few actually do a great job at.  The problem with most exit interview processes is that their very HR dependent and take a ton of follow through.   Another major problem is that while our executives say they want the data from the interviews, rarely do they believe what they are given.  Most chaulk bad interviews up to disgruntled employees and discount the entire process.

So, why do we give Exit Interviews?  I’ll give you three ‘real’ reasons HR wants to do exit interviews:

1. We want to know where you’re going!  Yep, HR folks love to gossip and we want to be the first ones to know where you’re going and why.

2. We trying to get your current manager fired!  You know what’s really frustrating in HR? Having to hire over and over again for the same bad managers!

3. We need data to look strategic. But we’ll never really make any changes based on what we find.  What? Everyone is leaving us because our competition across the street is providing more flexibility.  Yeah, well, they suck and you suck if you go to work for them!

Chalk this up to data that our executives say they want, but they really don’t!   What they want to hear is the problem our people are leaving us are easy fixes.  When they find out they’re leaving because of their bad leadership, every person who fills out an exit interview immediately becomes a piece of garbage in their eyes.

How do you fix this?

Do ever deliver specific exit interview data immediately after one person leaves, that seems to similar to why that person leaves.  Basically, you never get credit for that being real data.  Exit interview data only becomes ‘real’ when it’s based on a many data points put together.  The problem with that, is it takes most organizations a while to get that much data.  Usually, at that point, it starts to become vanilla.

Individual exit interview feedback can be powerful, but only if it is coming from a top player and you can get everyone involved to agree this is a top performer before the data comes in.  At least, at that point, you have a fighting chance to get them to listen and not discount the feedback.

Let’s face it, we all know most of our issues.  We just hate it when our past employees throw those in our face, when we think we’ve been working hard to correct them.   That kind of feedback is hard to accept, and we tend to discredit it way too fast.  Don’t allow yourself to believe data isn’t statistically significant unless you have a lot of it.  One great employee leaving is significant, and you need to listen to it.  Just know, the up hill battle you’ll face in actually creating the leadership change necessary to address it.

 

I’m Not White Enough

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The world of sports tends to bring up societal issues constantly, and the NFL didn’t disappoint last week when Seattle Seahawk’s quarterback Russell Wilson was accused, anonymously by teammates, as “not being ‘black’ enough”.  It’s an issue as HR Pros we face in our own workplace.  More on the statements about Wilson from Charles Barkley in the Bleacher Report:

“Unfortunately, as I tell my white friends, we as black people, we’re never going to be successful not because of you white people but because of other black people,” Barkley said. “When you’re black, you have to deal with so much crap in your life from other black people. It’s a dirty, dark secret; I’m glad it’s coming out.”

The controversy began with an item from Bleacher Report’s Mike Freeman, who said some of Wilson’s Seahawks teammates don’t care for him because “they think he’s too close to the front office,” he “doesn’t always take the blame with teammates for mistakes he makes,” and “some of the black players think Wilson isn’t black enough.”

“There is … an element of race that needs to be discussed,” Freeman said of Wilson’s relationship with his teammates. “My feeling on this — and it’s backed up by several interviews with Seahawks players — is that some of the black players think Wilson isn’t black enough. This is an issue that extends outside of football, into African-American society, though it’s gotten better recently. Well-spoken blacks are seen by some other blacks as not completely black. Some of this is at play.”

I want to say that I understand, but I don’t.  Never in my entire life have I had someone tell me I ‘wasn’t white enough’.  But I have known people who have used the phrase, “Oh, you just wish you were black!”  I gotten this because there are so many things I love about African American culture (music, clothing, food, language) and I grew up in an urban area.  To be honest, I never wished I was black.  I have wished I was taller (I wish I was a baller…), thinner, more athletic, had a better singing voice, etc. I have always figured no one would ever mistake me for anything but white.

To Wilson’s credit, even he responded with: “I don’t even know what that means”, when he was told people didn’t see him as black enough.  According to Wilson’s background he’s mostly African American and Native American. He self-identifies as “mixed-race”.  This has rubbed some of his African American teammates wrong.  They want him to only identify with his African heritage.

In HR we talk ‘inclusion’ all the time.  The ability to ‘include’ all. Black, white, old, young, rich, poor, Democrat, Republican, Christian, Jewish.  All. But the reality is, there are larger forces at play within many of the demographics we are trying to include, and most we’ll never fully understand.

In the end, we just can’t take for granted that one group of people are going to do what’s best for another group, just because they identify with that group.  Culture and engagement are complex, living things.  You do things because you ‘think’ they will work, but they do the opposite.  What are you supposed to do?  Try to rise above it, when you can.  Deal with it directly, when you have to.  Know your own biases and assumptions.