Category Archives: Friend

2017 Isn’t Your New Beginning

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Okay, 2017 might be your new beginning, but for most people, it won’t be. January 1, 2017, is just another day. It’s not a start, it’s not an end, it’s just one more day you can either do something with or waste.

The reality is the end of year and beginning of a year isn’t an end and a beginning. We made that shit up, a long time ago.

I’m not big into New Year’s Resolutions. I’m into getting stuff done. That’s not a resolution, that’s a lifestyle. If you need the beginning of a year to remind you to get stuff done, you’re probably not going to do much anyway.

If 2016 sucked for you. Most likely 2017 will suck for you. It sucks to hear, but for most people, that’s a fairly accurate assessment of your life.

So, how do you change it?

You just do it. Like the Nike slogan says. You don’t need a special day. Or a special coach. Or a special outfit (although I always like to be dressed correct if I’m going to do some shit). You just freaking do it!

You can do it on January 1 if that makes you feel better, but guess what? I’ve got a little secret for you! You can also do that shit on January 2nd! Oh yay! Or even the 3rd, or March 4th, or July 17th, you can do any freaking day you decide.

Let’s face it. 2016 didn’t suck, you sucked. 2017 won’t be better unless you make it better. New Year’s Resolutions are for suckers. Just do stuff. Make your situation better one little baby step at a time. Maybe that first step will be today, maybe the next step won’t be until February, just keep taking those steps.

By the way, I’m losing weight and writing a book. I started yesterday.

The 12 Steps of Recovery for Passionate Assholes

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I wrote a post last week titled, “The 5 Things HR Leaders Need to Know About Developing Employees“. In that post I had a paragraph:

When I was young in my career, I was very ‘passionate’. That’s what I liked calling it – passionate.  I think the leaders I worked with called it, “career derailer”.  It took a lot for me to understand what I thought was a strength, was really a major weakness.  Some people never will gain this insight.  They’ll continue to believe they’re just passionate when in reality they’re really just an asshole.

I then had a reader send me a message and basically said, “This is me!” And I was like, “That was me too!” And then we kissed. Okay, we didn’t kiss, but it’s great to find another like yourself in the wild!

The reality is, I’m a recovering Passionate Asshole.

What’s a “Passionate Asshole” who are asking yourself? Here’s my definition. A passionate asshole is a person who feels like they are more about the success of the company than anyone else. I mean everyone else. They care more than everyone! And because we care so much, we treat people poorly who we feel don’t care as much as us!

Passionate assholes truly believe in every part of their being they’re great employees. You will not be able to tell us any different. They are usually high performing in their jobs, which also justifies even more that they care more. But, in all of this, they leave a wake of bad feelings and come across like your everyday basic asshole.

You know at least one of these people. They’re usually younger in the 24-35-year-old range. Too early in their career to have had some major setbacks and high in confidence in their abilities.

Here are the 12 Steps of Recovery for Passionate Assholes:

Step 1: Realization that your an Asshole, not the best employee every hired in the history of the universe. This realization doesn’t actually fix the passionate asshole, but without it, you have no chance.

Step 2: You understand that while being a passionate asshole feels great, this isn’t going to further your career and get you to your ultimate goal.

Step 3: Professionally they have knocked down in a major way. I was fired. Not because I was doing the job, but because I was leaving a wake of bodies and destruction in the path of doing my job. You don’t have to be fired, demotion might also work, but usually it’s getting canned.

Step 4: Some you truly respect needs to tell you you’re not a good employee, but an asshole, during a time you’re actually listening.

Step 5: Find a leader and organization that will embrace you for who you’re trying to become, knowing who you truly are. You don’t go from Passionate Asshole, to model employee over night! It’s not a light switch.

Step 6: Time. This is a progression. You begin to realize some of your passionate asshole triggers. You begin to use your powers for good and not to blow people up who you feel aren’t worthy of oxygen. Baby steps. One day at a time.

Step 7: You stop making bad career moves based on the passionate asshole beast inside of you, telling you moving to the ‘next’ role is really the solution to what you’re feeling.

Step 8: We make a list of people we’ve destroyed while being passionate assholes. Yes, even the people you don’t like!

Step 9: Reach out to the people you’ve destroyed and make amends. Many of these people have ended up being my best professional contacts now late in life. Turns out, adults are actually pretty good a forgiving and want to establish relationships with people who are honest and have self-insight.

Step 10: We are able to tell people we’re sorry for being a passionate asshole, when find ourselves being a passionate asshole, and not also seeing the passion within them and what they also bring to the organization is a value to not only us but to the organization as a whole.

Step 11: You begin to reflect, instead of react as a first response. Passionate assholes love to react quickly! We’re passionate, we’re ready at all times, so our initial thought is not to think, but react decisively. You’ve reached step 11 when your first thought is to no longer react like a crazy person!

Step 12: You begin to reach out to other passionate assholes and help them realize how they’re destroying their careers and don’t even know it. You begin mentoring.

I know I’ll never stop being a Passionate Asshole. It’s a personality flaw, and even when you change, you never fully change. But, I now understand when I’m being that person, can usually stop myself mid-passionate asshole blow up, and realize there are better ways to communicate and act.

Hat tip to: Kyle Brown (a fellow Self-Identified Passionate Asshole)

 

Which HR Certification Should I Get? HRCI or SHRM?

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I’m being put in the middle of two friends. On one side I have HRCI. I’ve known HRCI ever since I got certified in my SPHR in 2001. I trust them, they were my first professional designation. They made me feel special.

On the other side, I have SHRM. I’ve known SHRM a bit longer. I trust them, they are ‘the’ professional organization of my profession. They are recognized the world over. To be recognized by SHRM for anything is an accomplishment in the field of HR.

We’ve all been in this scenario before, right?

Two of your friends, who don’t really get along anymore, but you want to stay friends with both. The problem is, both of these friends only want you to be friends with them and not the other. If you have your HRCI – PHR, SPHR and/or GPHR, or you have your SHRM-CP or SCP, or maybe, like me, you have both, you’re kind of being put in the middle of these two friends and being asked to choose.

It’s uncomfortable. It’s confusing. It’s frustrating.

I’ve gone on record to say I won’t have both my HRCI-SPHR and my SHRM-SCP. I said that. I said it was stupid and this past week I got an email from HRCI that my SPHR was up for recertification. Ugh. My initial reaction was, “oh, I need to get online and log my credits and get my certification up to date.”

Then I remembered, why am I doing this? I don’t want two certifications I only want one. But, which one do I want? Which one is going to be the best for my career? Which one is the right now?

That’s the question that neither HRCI nor SHRM has answered for us. I’ve told both of them this, specifically. They actually both feel they’ve answered this question for us (HR Pros and Leaders), but they haven’t. It’s the one question I get most asked by my readers via email, LinkedIn messaging, on Twitter, etc. “What HR certification should I get, Tim, HRCI or SHRM?”

Unfortunately, I also have that same question. My frustration level has gotten so high with this I’m currently thinking I’ll probably just keep both because no one has answered which one I really need, but having both is really redundant. You don’t need both. You only need one. Which one? That is literally the multi-million dollar question for both organizations!

If you’re waiting around for either organization to answer this question, you’ll be waiting a long time. Both have their marketing statements on why you should choose them, but it still doesn’t answer that one question. WHICH ONE IS RIGHT FOR ME!?

I think it’s going to take time for the market to flush out which one it finds to be the most valuable. I believe you’ll see organizations in the near future accept either because they don’t see a differentiation between them. Eventually, both organizations, SHRM and HRCI, will make changes to more clearly differentiate what their certifications will offer those going after each, respectively.

Don’t you just love it when your friends stick you in the middle and make you choose!? Great marketing strategy for organizations, don’t you think…

Having a Friend at Work is Harder than you Think!

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We’ve been told for years now, based on the Gallup research, that having a best friend at work is one of those anchors that will lengthen a person’s tenure with an organization. New research is proving this might not be as easy it sounds! Business Insider:

Plos One recently released a study where they asked students to rate their friendships and also rate whether or not the ‘friend’ would reciprocate by telling researchers they also believed they were friends. Here the results:

In 94% of these perceived friendships, students expected them to be reciprocal. So if John rated Jack as his friend, he expected Jack to rate him as a friend also. But this was so in only 53% of cases; less than half of the students had their friendship beliefs about others reciprocated.

Ouch! Almost half of your friends, do think of you as a friend!

The researchers point to the social network style of so many friendships today of why people have this wrong perception. People are now building so many friendships with individuals they rarely see or interact with but feel like they have a strong friendship with.

So, what should you be doing as an HR Pro to take advantage of the Friend Anchor?

1. Help provide real life interactions with your employees to build ‘real’ friendships, not just social network friendships.

2. Give employees the opportunity to work with employees of their choosing on projects. Give an employee a project and let them pick their team to work on it.

3. Don’t ignore those employees who don’t interact with anyone. This is usually the first red flag you’ll get that a person is unhappy at work and more likely to turnover.

I know, you didn’t get into HR to play friendship matchmaker! But, if you value retention and want to lower turnover, being a great matchmaker might be the best tool you have in the HR toolbox!

Also, remember, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. Unless they’re a really, really, really good friend, but even then, that’s creepy, don’t do that.

@AnythingOverIce Takes Over The Project at #SHRM16

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I couldn’t be at SHRM National this year so I sent my roving reporter, HR Pro, and friend, Chris Bailey! BTW – He’s also the Director of PwC’s HR Practice in the Caribbean. Chris will be giving you daily updates from D.C. and filling you in on all things #SHRM16! (P.S. – We could name this series “Selfies of Chris Around D.C.!) P.S. You can tell this isn’t me – I never write 1200+ words! Thanks to Chris for the SHRM updates! Make sure you connect with Chris on Twitter and on LinkedIn! 

Dear Tim Sackett and his many readers,

As my last ramble was filled with spelling errors I must apologize.  As mentioned it was mainly written on the go on my iPhone! I should also point out that I was a “train”- wreck yesterday as subsequent videos on my Facebook feed will attest to. You see the heavens opened which could only mean that I was destined to spend some time at the bar as it was far too wet to venture outside late in the day. It did, however, mean that I attended some of the later sessions which can often be the graveyard session for speakers as most people are off getting ready for the big night out! Now at this point I need to ask for some feedback from the HR community – Have we forgotten how to party? I mean, really, going home at 9:30pm after a kick ass concert from Train just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. I know the majority of us are mid 30’s onwards and have kids but isn’t the point of a conference to come get away from it all learn some stuff then party like your graduating college? I have a theory on this and you’re not going to like it!

HR people are not healthy! Yet we are the people promoting the wellness campaigns in our organizations, if you we’re tired after walking around the expo followed by getting on an escalator and sitting down for an hour in a session then you need to take a good look at yourself.  Seriously, people were having to rest just from moving from one session to another, it’s no more than about 1000 meters which is a 10-minute walk from the furthest session to the next – I know because I measured it on my Garmin. So if a 10-minute walk tires you out to the point where you enter the next session sweating and slumping down into the chair with an audible sigh then you need to outsource your wellness program cuz people are not going to buy what your selling!  I weigh 260lbs – I ran every morning around the Washington monuments, (About 10km) I took the stairs not the escalators during the conference and frequently walked the 3km back to my hotel. I did this as I wanted to see the city, stay in shape and work up to the dinner and beer I had in the evening. It really made me wonder whether wellness in the workplace is just a thing that we talk about rather than a thing that we should practice.  

Two of my colleagues from Cayman also wanted to get a little exercise and see the city.  So, at lunchtime rather than running for the box lunches (which are proper rubbish btw) we grabbed those capital bikes and we cycled the monuments of Washington. They had a blast and we had a healthy lunch stop mid-way. Quick shower and change then back for afternoon sessions. Now when they posted those picture back to their teams at work they were happy smiling and being active way more engaging for their own wellness programs. So I am going to throw it down for New Orleans #SHRM17 I will do a daily bike or running tour for any HR pros who believe as I do that we have to be the ambassadors for what we do and if corporate wellness is a part of that then so must we be. So my theory was that due to the lack of activity amongst our HR Pros they were all knackered by 9:30pm and went to bed… leaving Washington to me….(enter evil laugh here). Ok wellness rant over, sessions – as mentioned I attended a 4pm session, but first caught very well-polished –

Brad Karsh presenting, How to Be Present When You’re Not.

I was interested in seeing what he would talk about for an hour on this and much to my amusement the first 15 minutes I spent going OMG really 1000 people in this room don’t know this stuff! However he had to start somewhere and he was very funny in his delivery but a couple of key points which reminded me that I should do these during Webex or webinar on phone conferences etc…

·        Start with a bang

·        Tell them what is coming up

·        Keep it simple

·        Don’t send them slides in advance

·        Refer to their names often (makes them pay attention in case they get asked something)

·        Every 10 minutes do something that engages the group

55% of what someone takes in from you come from body language, 38% of that same engagement comes from tone, and only 7% is your actual words! Which means if you’re not present you have to engage through tone and visuals cues to have your message heard. Now this is Brad’s take on it and I would love to know how we measure those percentages but I am not going to argue with them as I happen to think they are true. So some interesting this to consider from a session that I didn’t think would hold much relevance.

Lizbeth Clause (@global_I_press) Trends in Global HR Practice – Avoiding the Disruption.

Now, the last session of the day had a title with some promise, so I wondered what she saw as disruption and how she was promoting we combat it. To say I was blown away was an understatement. She should have had a mega session not the smattering of die-hard HR folk still actively participating at 4pm on the evening of a Train concert!  She got off to a slow start but after she explained what she believed trends where and how HR analytics play a big part in identifying them she started giving some real world examples of how her data had avoided massive disruption. That’s the part that hit home for me because the academic principles that she employed to gather and extract data plus employ a hypothesis which subsequently delivered a solution became real and it’s something I will absolutely use going forward.

Stay with me here! Example when the Ebola scare was hitting US hospitals. They used string data mining to formulate hotspots amongst nurses which showed they were really concerned about providing treatment. Nurses would use company email to voice their concerns to colleagues which when triggered in the algorithm created a hotspot of worry that HR was able to respond to and avoid industrial action. They used data analytics to get ahead of the problem.  

I could go on and give the several examples she did but I’ll simply leave you with some of her key takeaways:

·        Make HR Decision based on Analytics

·        Change the Organization culture to include Evidence-based decision making and HR Management

·        Balance the use of ambient corporate data with privacy

·        Move HR to the cloud

·        Use HR apps

I did a little  video interview with her afterward as I wanted to continue the discussion. As an academic, she is brilliant, and passionate and I wish other speakers who waffled out the same old crap would take note. HR analytics + Passion + solving real time and real world issues with simple use = Awesome so glad I went to this!

So then I went to see train perform and the night became a blur…… Thank SHRM and goodnight!

Drops mic walks off……

@AnythingOverIce takes over The Project at #SHRM16 – Day 2

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I couldn’t be at SHRM National this year so I sent my roving reporter, HR Pro, and friend, Chris Bailey! BTW – He’s also the Director of PwC’s HR Practice in the Caribbean. Chris will be giving you daily updates from D.C. and filling you in on all things #SHRM16! (P.S. – We could name this series “Selfies of Chris Around D.C.!) 

Monday SHRM – 4 keys things a futurist wants you to do with your business that will make it ready for 2020…. Plus some other cool tidbits…

Ok, so Sunday finished off with rooftop drinks at the Washington Hotel see pic, which was epic and it’s why we come to conferences to check out the view! Seriously Washington is a cool city being a brit I’m used to small winding roads and living in the Cayman islands I get a few beaches etc… so to see a city function as well as it does and have buildings on a scale that makes my small island feel tiny is pretty cool. Anyways Tim wants me to write about conference type stuff rather than a Bailey travel blog which would probably be way more interesting but NSFW, so let’s just say rooftop drink watching the Cav’s take their first major titles in 50+ years resulted in a sore head this morning. BTW I’m a Heat fan but you gotta love the game!  

 So I typed the below on my iPhone whilst sat in another faceless ballroom a bit bored before this session kicks off – I’m trying a bit of an experiment this year – I’m going to pop in and out of a few sessions at a time to see what nuggets of information I can glean in 10 minutes of listening. However if the speaker is particularly engaging or telling me something mind blowing I may stick around… So first session 10:45am “t minus 90 days until the election” no idea what it’s about 😉 so 10 mins starts now…. Can Mike Aiken get us off to a good start….this day in 1975 jaws was released…interesting tit-bit…then speakers worst nightmare slides don’t work! Can Mike battle on without slides   Not really attention lost so moved on out! Only nugget gained was the jaws thing…. Went straight into Steve Gilliland enjoy the ride mega session (@stevegspeaks) now I have seen Steve talk before and he is funny and a pro but I was mainly interested in whether he had updated his material, actually yes, new jokes new stories and some key messages that apply to all not just our HR folk….

Laugh listen learn – if you’re laughing your listening so I can hopefully teach you something

A closed mouth gathers no feet – know when to shut up! Love this quote and have not heard it before and it’s so true. Practice this… Only say something that will result in something positive!

Don’t forget why you do what you do – we all get wrapped up in tech, strategy, diversity, that we forget why what we do matters take a step back.

Three really simple messages that we all already know but told with humor that had me laughing right till the end…oops only fleeted once good on you Steve!

So, post the lunch box delight that seems to send the SHRM masses into a frenzy I’m back in a different ballroom listening to some smooth 90’s hits while I wait for Scott Hamilton to rock my world teaching me how he is able to see into the future (see Tim’s blog on which speaker are you) this guy is most certainly a futurist and he has a room of easily 1000 people to preach to! Scott’s talk 2020 transformation – next practices in HR…

Hold tight….

OK, so Scott is impressive probably why they gave him a mega session, obviously knows his subject and started out by giving some interesting facts such as Mercedes-Benz now have over 65 models as they shoot for even more different clients and are actively targeting the over 65 market…. According to Scott, Kodak turned down entering the digital market way back when as they didn’t want to cannibalize their own business….and similarly blockbuster also said no to online streaming of films two years before Netflix entered the market… all decision were made because leadership was unable to change its mindset.  Enter Scots formula for helping an organization use these HR practices to be the competitive companies of 2020.

1.        Eliminate: Which Policies and practices can you eliminate that your industry has long competed on? –Cirque du Soleil eliminated Star performers, Animal shows, Aisle Concession sales and multiple show arena’s

2.        Raise: Which practices/policies/benefits should be raised well above the industry standard? Again in the case of Cirque – Unique venues (Vegas etc..)

3.        Reduce: Which practices/policies should be reduced well below industry standard? For Cirque this was – Family audience to target Adult entertainment, Fun, and Humour, Thrill and danger

4.        Create – Which policies and practices should be created that the industry never offered – a potentially disruptive approve – for Cirque this was, Theme, Refined environment, multiple productions, Artistic music and dance.

·        For Cirque Du Soleil this created a $2.4bn business!

I really liked these coupled with Dump your HR baggage! Generate Practices that challenge the status quo, Target your areas to start divergent and convergent thinking (there is a whole other blog on this one!).

So to finish, he had the audience shout out some cool games changers here are just a few that you might want to consider:

·        Remove Job titles

·        Create Awesome workspaces

·        Pay off student loans of employees who remain with you over time

·        Think Tanking

Now I really like the think tanking idea simply take your teams once a quarter for 20 mins and think new sh!t up but actually try and create project plans to deliver on the new stuff.

So I didn’t leave Scott’s session, he held my attention, some good takeaways which hopefully I have succinctly placed above. If you want to look him up he is the Chief Exec of NextWorks on twitter as @enpforums.

@AnythingOverIce Takes Over The Project at #SHRM16

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I couldn’t be at SHRM National this year so I sent my roving reporter, HR Pro, and friend, Chris Bailey! Chris will be giving you daily updates from D.C. and filling you in on all things #SHRM16! 

So I’m not sure if its day 1 or 2 of #SHRM16? Can Sunday really be the first day of a conference? You see there was a brunch, there were mimosas and then we gave the barman his choice of cocktails to make us this was before the opening remarks of the illustrious Hank el Presidente of SHRM and he was quickly followed by Alan Mulally former CEO of Boeing and Ford and Mike Rowe from the TV program dirty jobs…. Then the expo opened where they serve beer, then I met up with HR Royalty Jennifer McClure and regal although not royal (as she hasn’t performed in Cayman) Mary Faulkner who subsequently lost her glasses and found them again. You can follow her story on twitter @mfaulkner43 it’s a page turner.

Anyways what I took away from Alan and Mike – Alan was a typical statesperson, CEO like in his delivery and whilst on point he didn’t shatter the earth with his reveals most of which has already been read about. I am not taking away from his accomplishments as they are fantastic and as Mike said, “Gee thanks, SHRM I have to follow that guy!”

Well, I for one am glad he did and wish he would run for president! I didn’t expect much from a guy who does the jobs no one wants or really know about on TV but that was the whole point – the are x million people unemployed in America and a bunch of these jobs who are always hiring! He also pointed out that we are disconnected from Millennials as we don’t challenge them by saying – “this jobs not for you” make them want it. He was articulate knowledgeable and now someone I would have on my love to have round for dinner list. I loved the connection with mainstream jobs, shine a light on the people in your organization that you forget. They do the jobs no one else wants, we all have them. Recognize them because should they leave they are almost irreplaceable!

So in all a good opening for SHRM16 lots of energy and a good buzz about the place – See also a roving video interview with Jen McClure and Mary Faulkner more to follow on Mary & Jens exploits throughout the conference…

As for me, you can follow me on Twitter @anythingoverice or www.anythingoverice.com

Cheers, Tim wish you were here!

Failure Is The New Black #DisruptHRCayman

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So, last night in the Cayman Islands DisruptHR Cayman went down!  If you don’t know what DisruptHR is, you need to check it out!  It’s the brainchild of my good friends Jennifer McClure and Chris Ostoich. Jen does most of the heavy lifting on this now, and it’s a global phenomenon sweeping across the HR world!

The concept was born from TEDx. You get 5 minutes to present an awesome idea, 20 powerpoint slides that automatically move every 15 seconds. Fast and furious. Alcohol is involved. Anything can happen. It’s the most fun you’ll ever see HR people have!  Contact Jen and bring this concept to your conference or event – it’s a great evening event to open or close a conference, or just to have in your city to energize the HR community!

Don’t think about grabbing DisruptHR Detroit!  I already have bought the franchise, so to speak! If you want in, connect with me and we can discuss a time and place!

I did my DisruptHR Cayman presentation on Failure is the new Black!  Safe to say, I truly believe all of this talk about failure leading you to success is a bunch of bullshit! Failure leads you to more failure, which eventually leads you to give up, not success! But don’t worry about, I’m in the minority, you can still suck up all that failure crap from every leadership guru on the planet!

Was I successful in my 5 minutes?  I don’t know, but you can check it out for yourself at DisruptHR’s website in a week or two. The brilliance of DisruptHR is that they video all the crazy ideas and put them up on the web, so you can’t hide!

Great stuff, check it out. They already have 250 videos of DisruptHR presentations for you to see!

I Miss Old School Employee Training Videos!

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Remember the bad 80’s employee training videos?  When I was at Applebee’s we had a series of sexual harassment training videos that would never fly in today’s politically correct world!

These videos were part 70’s porn, part creepy uncle and 100% pure gold. I couldn’t ever play them without laughing out loud.  They were so bad, I couldn’t believe someone actually got paid to put these together, and the scenarios were so far fetched that made the employees think we must believe they were complete idiots!

All these videos really did was waste time until we could get you to sign a piece of paper that you were trained on what sexual harassment was, and if you ever did any of this stuff, you would be immediately fired. Classic CYA HR!

Just this week, by buddy Jim D’Amico the VP of TA at Signature Health, sent me the link to this pure gold Employee Safety training video. We all need more friends like Jim! Enjoy! (BTW – you’ll love it, if you’re a Walking Dead fan!)

Rerun – The 11 Rules for Hugging at Work

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It’s Spring Break in Michigan, so I’m going to step away from the daily grind and throw some Reruns at you! You guys remember Rerun, from What’s Happening? (look it up, kids!) So, enjoy the Reruns, they’re some of my favorites!

Originally ran February 2014 – 

Hello. My name is Tim Sackett, and I’m a hugger.   Being a hugger can make for some awkward moments – what if the other person isn’t expecting a, or doesn’t want to, hug and you’re coming in arms-wide-open!?

Fast Company has an article recently titled: To Hug Or Not To Hug At Work? by Drake Baer, that delved into this subject.  Here’s a piece from the article:

“the uncomfortable feeling you get when you realize that your concept of your relationship with someone else doesn’t match their concept. The intensity of awkwardness roughly corresponds to the magnitude of difference in relationship concepts.”

I consider myself to have a number of roles: Husband, Dad, Coach, Boss, Friend, Coworker, etc.  In each of those roles I’ve hugged and will continue to hug.  Sometimes, though rarely, I’ll find someone who isn’t a hugger.  The first time I ever met Kris Dunn face-to-face, we’ve had known each other and talked frequently by phone for a year, at the HR Tech Conference – he was coming out of a session, I recognized him, he recognized me, and I went full ‘bro-hug’ (sideways handshake, other arm hug-back slap combo) on him, and I’m pretty sure he was caught off guard – but played along.  Kris is a closet hugger.

Kris is a closet hugger.  Jason Seiden, he’s a hugger.  So are Laurie Ruettimann and Dawn Burke.  I find Southern folks are huggers, more than Northern.  Western more than Eastern.  Canadians more than Americans.  Men feel much more comfortable hugging women than other men. Women will hug just about anything – coworkers, babies, puppies, old people, friends, people they don’t even like, etc.

I thought it was about time we had some hugging rules for the office, so here goes:

The Hugging Rules

1. Don’t Hug those you supervise. (The caveats: You can hug a subordinate if: it’s being supportive in a non-creepy way (major family or personal loss – sideways, kind of arm around the shoulder, you care about them hug);  it’s at a wedding and you are congratulating them; it’s a hug for a professional win (promotion, giant sale, big project completion, etc.) and it’s with a group, not alone in your office with the lights off; you would feel comfortable with your spouse standing next you and watching that specific hug.)

2. Hug your external customers or clients when they initiate hugging sequence.  (The caveats: Don’t hug if: it is required to get business – that’s not hugging, that harassment. Don’t let hugs last more than a second or two, or it gets creepy; Don’t mention the hug afterward, that makes you seem creepy!)

3. Don’t Hug the office person you’re having an affair with in the office.  (no explanation needed)

4. Hug peers, not just every day. (It’s alright to hug, but you don’t need to do it every day for people you see every day. Save some up and make it special!)

5. When you Hug, hug for real. (Nothing worse than the ‘fake hug’!  A fake hug is worse than a non-Hug.)

6. Don’t whisper – ‘You smell good’ – when hugging someone professionally. (That’s creepy – in fact don’t whisper anything while hugging!)

7. Don’t close your eyes while hugging professionally.  (That’s weird and a bit stalkerish)

8.  It is alright to announce a Hug is coming. (Some people will appreciate a – ‘Hey! Come here I’m giving you a hug – it’s been a long time!’)

9. It’s never alright to Hug from behind.  (Creepier!)

10.  Never Hug in the restroom. (Make for awkward moment when other employees walk in and see that.)

11.  If you’re questioning yourself whether it will be alright to Hug someone professionally – that is your cue that it probably isn’t.

 Do you have any hugging rules for the office?